How do an aplatonic person feel

[Lorem]

I'm confused with something I've been reading these days and still can't understand at all. What's aplatonic (I've been seeing some people calling themselves as aplatonic here)? How do a person know they're aplatonic? It's like not being atracted to your friends? 

(sorry if any English mistakes, its not my first language)

[Jeeperz_]

aplatonic just means not being platonically attracted to someone. most aplatonic people still have platonic relationships, they just don't look at people and want to be friends with them. same way that aromantics or asexuals cans still have romantic or sexual relationships, they just don't look at people and want those things. hope that makes a little more sense.

[hemogoblin]

Aplatonic means several things:

• Disinterest or discomfort in building friendships/having friends
• Being exhausted by the idea of building friendships/having friends
• Not experiencing platonic attraction*
• Not really valuing friendships/having friends (especially at a younger age where this is more of an expectation before people start really dating)

*Some people who don't experience platonic attraction might still have or enjoy friends. 

It doesn't have to mean all of them. It could mean any single one. I personally am aplatonic because I'm disinterested and exhausted by the idea of having friends. I don't really connect with people in a friend way. I care about people in a general and distant sense that I want them to do well and be treated well, but I just don't have the energy or inclination to really build friendships with them.

Some aplatonic people do build close relationships that become more familial than friendly. They kinda skip the friend stage and go straight to feeling like someone is family if they start building a bond. Others don't. They may get social needs met by acquaintances, coworkers, teammates, customers, sexual hookups, or even just by people watching/people around people without interacting with them - or simply have very low to nonexistent social needs.

I think many aplatonic people are aromantic simply because the term is more visible in our community, but it's certainly not a requirement. Aplatonic was actually coined by an alloro asexual! Anyone, aro, alloro, ace, allosexual, or otherwise can be aplatonic.

Hopefully this helps!

Edited October 16, 2023 by hemogoblin

[nonmerci]

On 10/15/2023 at 5:43 AM, hemogoblin said:

Aplatonic was actually coined by an alloro asexual! Anyone, aro, alloro, ace, allosexual, or otherwise can be aplatonic.

Oh I've met alloros apl, but I didn't know one coined the term!

Yeah a lot of people think one need to be aro to be apl, but it is not the case.

 

I don't feel platonic attraction, which is why I identify with the term. But I still enjoy their company and I help them if I can.

[Guest]

I’m a friendship-repulsed aplatonic, which means that I actively avoid having friends. That doesn’t make my life less fulfilling and I am happy on my own. As other commenters have said, apls can also be friendship favorable and desire friends. One common misconception is that aplatonic refers to aros who don’t want a QPR. That’s aqueerplatonic, and using them interchangeably hurts apls. Apls can have any sexual or romantic orientation. I’ve wanted to make an apl lgballt comic for a while, but I don’t feel like I have the art skills.

[who_knocks]

8 hours ago, DragonWithAQuest said:

I’m a friendship-repulsed aplatonic, which means that I actively avoid having friends. That doesn’t make my life less fulfilling and I am happy on my own.

So a person won't be lonely if they're aplatonic? I've stressed a lot about having to make new friends even though I never personally felt the drive to because everyone tells me I'll be lonely if I don't, is that not the case?

[hemogoblin]

39 minutes ago, who_knocks said:

So a person won't be lonely if they're aplatonic? I've stressed a lot about having to make new friends even though I never personally felt the drive to because everyone tells me I'll be lonely if I don't, is that not the case?

Depends on the person. Some do, some don't, some do only sometimes. There's no one way to feel. 

 

You might be interested in this post I wrote for the Loneliness Carnival of Aros a few months back: https://askanaroace.tumblr.com/post/724584014640562176/carnival-of-aros-loneliness-i-dont-think-i :)

Edited October 17, 2023 by hemogoblin

[Holmbo]

On 10/15/2023 at 5:43 AM, hemogoblin said:

I think many aplatonic people are aromantic simply because the term is more visible in our community, but it's certainly not a requirement.

I haven't thought about that. It makes sense but for some reason I just considered Aros being aplatonic.

[nonmerci]

On 10/17/2023 at 10:13 PM, who_knocks said:

So a person won't be lonely if they're aplatonic? I've stressed a lot about having to make new friends even though I never personally felt the drive to because everyone tells me I'll be lonely if I don't, is that not the case?

If you don't feel the drive for it I don't think you'll be lonely. What matters to not be lonely is having your social needs met. If friendship are not part of your social needs, I don't think you'll be lonely.

[DeltaAro]

3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I haven't thought about that. It makes sense but for some reason I just considered Aros being aplatonic.

But ... why? Honest question!

The white stripe in the aro flag originally even stood for platonic love.

And with 1K posts here, you probably know that the mainstream understanding of "platonic" (= sexual and romantic desires would normally be present and expected but are actually suppressed or sublimated) is not the aro/ace understanding ?

PS: I always feel another word for platonic attraction would be great. The aro usage is very different from mainstream usage, and also different from what Plato had in mind.

Can't we use another ancient, revered holy language besides Greek and Latin?

In Sanskrit, friendship means mitratā...

Mitratic attraction... mitrate attraction.

Oh dear, that sounds dangerous!

On 10/17/2023 at 10:13 PM, who_knocks said:

So a person won't be lonely if they're aplatonic? I've stressed a lot about having to make new friends even though I never personally felt the drive to because everyone tells me I'll be lonely if I don't, is that not the case?

If you don't feel loneliness yourself, that what matters. Not that other people tell you that you must feel lonely.

PS: I don't know if it's a good idea to use / explain "aplatonic" to non-a* people:

• If you tell them, it means you don't desire friends, they probably regard you as traumatized or jaded.
• If you tell them it means you don't feel platonic attraction, they won't understand it at all.
• If you tell them it means you don't experience squishes, they first won't understand it, and then after having explained "squish", probably find it strange there's even a word for this.

[hemogoblin]

5 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I haven't thought about that. It makes sense but for some reason I just considered Aros being aplatonic.

No worries! Honestly, I mentioned it because I had that line of thinking in the past as well, and it's a big part of the reason it took me so long to identify as apl. It's just become really strongly associated with the aro community, and I know it can be hard to break apart those connotations if no one addresses them directly. :)

[Holmbo]

8 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

No worries! Honestly, I mentioned it because I had that line of thinking in the past as well, and it's a big part of the reason it took me so long to identify as apl. It's just become really strongly associated with the aro community, and I know it can be hard to break apart those connotations if no one addresses them directly. :)

No I'm not worried at all. I just found it interesting that I hadn't thought about platonic attraction in terms of allos.