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i'm having gender crisis for a few weeks...


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so it goes like this

until a few years ago i was really proud of being a woman, then gradually i started hating having a label for my gender(around the time i decided my sexuality is unlabeled). i have been really busy with school these 3 years so i never gave it much though, but now that i have more free time i have come to realize i just hating having a gender, behaving and feeling and thinking in a form of a gender, i hate kind of every thing that comes with a gender.

i dont even understand what it mean to be a woman, man or be nonbinary. i have taken multiple of these stupid google gender quiz, the results were well not consistent, you could say. some said agender, a few said nonbinary, one said cis female and to everyone's surprise one said tans man. 

im just super confused, what do you think i should do?

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I would personally say that you could do more research into specific labels and see if you could find one that fits, and if you don't, then you can always just leave it be for now and wait until you find something that truly fits. 

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It might also help to ask what you want to do about it instead of what label to use. For instance do you like your assigned pronouns or other ones better? Or do they all feel the same to you? Happy with your name? Do you want to use hormones? Add or remove bits?

Hopefully this helps and good luck on your search.

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What was it about having free time that made you realize you hate having a gender? Was it something you read or saw? Or just general introspection? Maybe if you dig down into the cause you'll know more what to do about it.

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Take your time. Explore. Find what brings you joy. I actually advise against going down the label rabbit hole. I've been there, as have many others, and it really tends to lead to stuck, obsessive, unhelpful thinking. It's likely no label will just perfectly click for you, especially if you're at a point where you're not sure what gender even really feels like at all, and this can cause depression and negative thinking about yourself, feeling like you're even more lost and overwhelmed and excluded.

I second Balfrog's suggest to instead explore real specifics. What clothes make you happy? What hairstyle makes you happy? What pronouns make you happy? What name makes you happy? What honorifics make you happy? Which ones make you unhappy or uncomfortable? If you don't know these things, then take the time to explore them. Try out new things! It doesn't have to be publicly if you're not ready for that. You can do personal exploration, even for exploring things like pronouns. You can do this by journaling in third person, narrating yourself in third person, or even doing creative writing about yourself. You can also do things like draw yourself in different clothing and style options if you're not ready or able to physically change anything.

I suggest checking out The Gender Quest Workbook, which is geared towards teens and young adults but doesn't really have any language that excludes older adults. You can get this workbook for free here.

Remember, there's no quiz or person that can prescribe you a gender. It's about what makes you comfortable. What makes you happiest or even just least sad/upset/uncomfortable. There are no right or wrong answers.

You may also find the concept of gender modalities useful. It's a concept that thinks beyond a cis vs trans binary, which may feel more open and approachable to you.

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