What would you say were more fulfilling moments in realizing you were aromantic?

[HelloThere]

I was wondering if anyone here has any stories about being aromantic that sorta gave you closure and fulfillment whenever you realized you were. If that doesn't make sense I sorta mean like whenever it kinda cleared things up for you or made you more hopeful for your future. For example when I discovered I was aroace it sorta made me feel more like myself, more happy to be me in a way. Every time I have doubts I keep getting better at actually discerning if I'm experiencing romantic attraction or not. I know that not everyone found out and was more relieved and given closure but I just wanted to know. :D

[SwiftySpeedy]

Probably the very moment I saw Jaiden's video for the first time where she came out and just hearing everything she said as it filled up a list of mental internal checkboxes. I honestly felt relieved the moment I learned that about myself, and also extremely glad knowing that I was Aroace.

[HelloThere]

15 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

Probably the very moment I saw Jaiden's video for the first time where she came out and just hearing everything she said as it filled up a list of mental internal checkboxes. I honestly felt relieved the moment I learned that about myself, and also extremely glad knowing that I was Aroace.

Yeah, every time I rewatch it I gain hope for all the many undiscovered Aros out there. :D

[The Aro Mando Echo]

Same with me. I was teetering on the edge, calling myself "questioning" and being eternally frustrated that I couldn't be satisfied with the label of straight. I asked another ace lesbian about being ace, because I guess it was easier to come to terms with (also I had heard the term more). When I saw Jaiden's video, I wasn't convinced right away. Even though it was uncomfortably relatable and everything began to click, I was almost .. in denial about it. At the time I was scared of what being aroace meant for my future, and what my parents would think. (They aren't anti-LGBT, but they have never mentioned anything ace or aro, and they might think I was "influenced" or that I "made it up".) 

It took time, but as I started to learn more about the label, I felt more and more comfortable. I told my ace lesbian friend (who was incredibly supportive), and found that it felt right. It felt comfortable, like I discovered a piece of me that I was struggling with before. I haven't told my parents, for many reasons (and I don't plan to for a while.) But, I have proudly come out to my sister and friends, who have all been supportive. I no longer feel frustrated and lost with myself, I instead feel complete, and sure of who I am. I'm so glad that Jaiden made that video, too. Hopefully it helps other aroaces who were struggling like me.

[illumi]

not really. nothing changed for me when i discovered im aro since ive been aro my whole life; it didnt reveal anything other than that there was a term for it

[HelloThere]

10 hours ago, The Aro Mando Echo said:

Same with me. I was teetering on the edge, calling myself "questioning" and being eternally frustrated that I couldn't be satisfied with the label of straight. I asked another ace lesbian about being ace, because I guess it was easier to come to terms with (also I had heard the term more). When I saw Jaiden's video, I wasn't convinced right away. Even though it was uncomfortably relatable and everything began to click, I was almost .. in denial about it. At the time I was scared of what being aroace meant for my future, and what my parents would think. (They aren't anti-LGBT, but they have never mentioned anything ace or aro, and they might think I was "influenced" or that I "made it up".) 

It took time, but as I started to learn more about the label, I felt more and more comfortable. I told my ace lesbian friend (who was incredibly supportive), and found that it felt right. It felt comfortable, like I discovered a piece of me that I was struggling with before. I haven't told my parents, for many reasons (and I don't plan to for a while.) But, I have proudly come out to my sister and friends, who have all been supportive. I no longer feel frustrated and lost with myself, I instead feel complete, and sure of who I am. I'm so glad that Jaiden made that video, too. Hopefully it helps other aroaces who were struggling like me.

Yeah, I wasn't really in denial though. I just never really questioned things about myself until very recently. It does feel like a comfortable label though, and I feel more like me for it. :D

[Balfrog]

Not really. I might've if I internalized being arospec before everything else. When I learned I was grey aesthetic I kinda got why people could think people were pretty, and that it was mostly not for me. I figured out why "hot" didn't make sense to me when I learned I was acespec, which lead me to why I had no clue when people asked me for celebrity crush (I didn't have the slit attraction model then). I also got it twice with genderstuff, first with understanding why I didn't get why people cared(being agender) and then later understanding disphoria making a lot of the strange feelings make sense.

Learning I am arospec did lead me to find things that I need to work out in therapy, unfortunately that is yet to get closure.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

On 5/24/2023 at 10:25 PM, The Aro Mando Echo said:

Same with me. I was teetering on the edge, calling myself "questioning" and being eternally frustrated that I couldn't be satisfied with the label of straight. I asked another ace lesbian about being ace, because I guess it was easier to come to terms with (also I had heard the term more). When I saw Jaiden's video, I wasn't convinced right away. Even though it was uncomfortably relatable and everything began to click, I was almost .. in denial about it. At the time I was scared of what being aroace meant for my future, and what my parents would think. (They aren't anti-LGBT, but they have never mentioned anything ace or aro, and they might think I was "influenced" or that I "made it up".) 

It took time, but as I started to learn more about the label, I felt more and more comfortable. I told my ace lesbian friend (who was incredibly supportive), and found that it felt right. It felt comfortable, like I discovered a piece of me that I was struggling with before. I haven't told my parents, for many reasons (and I don't plan to for a while.) But, I have proudly come out to my sister and friends, who have all been supportive. I no longer feel frustrated and lost with myself, I instead feel complete, and sure of who I am. I'm so glad that Jaiden made that video, too. Hopefully it helps other aroaces who were struggling like me.

I heavily relate to this. It wasn't Jaiden's video that made me realize that I'm aro, I found out beforehand, but I'm glad her video has helped out so many aspecs. But when I started minutely assuming, questioning, and even make jokes to myself that I could be aro, I would immediately shut it down, say to myself, "I may not want to date anyone but I can feel romantic attraction!" And kudos for people who are aro-spec or not, that feel romantic attraction but don't want any romantic relationships - I would just go on to find out that that's not me.

The thing is, I was so fascinated by the aro community, intensely supportive (still am) and deeply intrigued. I was very curious about the fact that there's people who don't experience romantic attraction and are completely fine with that. And it doesn't have to mean you're a part of a community just because that type of fascination stirs within you, but for me - I felt seen and heard, despite fully believing that I was not aro. And I respected and still respect the hell out of aros! But when I finally started realizing that I could be aromantic, I felt like that that was the worse thing I could ever realize about myself. It's wan't really because of what I thought my family would think, or what my future would look like, it was just this intense internalized arophobia toward myself, that other people could be aro but not me, and I couldn't shake it for a while; I had this same reaction toward my gender identity as well. I had doubts (still do sometimes, but not as intense), I thought that I was a faker, a fraud, a monster.

Until, suddenly, I started feeling this type of... freedom. And I don't know how or where that randomly started coming on, but because I started letting myself explore, dig deep through memories, and research more about the community, and let myself feel that completion, that click... I could finally breathe, even though it would be just the beginning of self-acceptance.

Now that the worse of my having found out is over, my dreams of traveling and adventure and living my life how I  want to, it feels all so much more nearer that I came to terms with being aromantic.

I also relate to not telling the parents but telling the sibling(s), because so far my only family member that knows and is chill about it is my brother (I have a sister too, but I have not told her yet because she's very unreadable about what certain queer identities she would accept).

Edited May 26, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[HelloThere]

6 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I heavily relate to this. It wasn't Jaiden's video that made me realize that I'm aro, I found out beforehand, but I'm glad her video has helped out so many aspecs. But when I started minutely assuming, questioning, and even make jokes to myself that I could be aro, I would immediately shut it down, say to myself, "I may not want to date anyone but I can feel romantic attraction!" And kudos for people who are aro-spec or not, that feel romantic attraction but don't want any romantic relationships - I would just go on to find out that that's not me.

The thing is, I was so fascinated by the aro community, intensely supportive (still am) and deeply intrigued. I was very curious about the fact that there's people who don't experience romantic attraction and are completely fine with that. And it doesn't have to mean you're a part of a community just because that type of fascination stirs within you, but for me - I felt seen and heard, despite fully believing that I was not aro. And I respected and still respect the hell out of aros! But when I finally started realizing that I could be aromantic, I felt like that that was the worse thing I could ever realize about myself. It's wan't really because of what I thought my family would think, or what my future would look like, it was just this intense internalized arophobia toward myself, that other people could be aro but not me, and I couldn't shake it for a while; I had this same reaction toward my gender identity as well. I had doubts (still do sometimes, but not as intense), I thought that I was a faker, a fraud, a monster.

Until, suddenly, I started feeling this type of... freedom. And I don't know how or where that randomly started coming on, but because I started letting myself explore, dig deep through memories, and research more about the community, and let myself feel that completion, that click... I could finally breathe, even though it would be just the beginning of self-acceptance.

Now that the worse of my having found out is over, my dreams of traveling and adventure and living my life how I  want to, it feels all so much more nearer that I came to terms with being aromantic.

I also relate to not telling the parents but telling the sibling(s), because so far my only family member that knows and is chill about it is my brother (I have a sister too, but I have not told her yet because she's very unreadable about what certain queer identities she would accept).

Tbh when I found out I was SUPER EXCITED about that, it means that how I’ve felt isn’t actually normal (in some ways that’s bad) but figuring out that not really caring about that stuff is actually a part of being aromantic just made me feel more fulfilled. Every prospect that I wanted to entertain in my future felt closer, every joy of life being shared with friends felt less short lived, and the mere thought of me being free from having to consign to someone else for the rest of my life made my heart leap. That did stop eventually (there’s only so much of an emotional reaction you can give) but I still 100% agree with what I believe. The only thing holding me back is literally just uncertainty about friendships in the future and self doubt. 

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

3 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Tbh when I found out I was SUPER EXCITED about that, it means that how I’ve felt isn’t actually normal (in some ways that’s bad) but figuring out that not really caring about that stuff is actually a part of being aromantic just made me feel more fulfilled. Every prospect that I wanted to entertain in my future felt closer, every joy of life being shared with friends felt less short lived, and the mere thought of me being free from having to consign to someone else for the rest of my life made my heart leap. That did stop eventually (there’s only so much of an emotional reaction you can give) but I still 100% agree with what I believe. The only thing holding me back is literally just uncertainty about friendships in the future and self doubt. 

Yes to all of that. That's how I feel now, even though it took me a while to feel very okay with myself. I do love being aro, because I feel like I have a type of distinct freedom - that yes some alloromantics could achieve, but usually don't get nor understand. Because I believe someone who's alloro can understand the freedom part, definitely, but the prospect that some of us aros may not ever want a partner, is something that alloros could probably not fully understand or at least understand it in a surface-level-reading-type way.