So does this sound aro or am I just really fricking young?

[HelloThere]

So here's my experience, I'm 15 and have never once had a crush or a gf. I honestly don't care to do so, I just don't see the point because I know that I'd probably be happy but I don't really care that much. Whenever someone's asked me who my crush was I'd just say that it was one of my friends because hey that sounds right to me I guess! I've never really liked kissing in movies specifically or whole episodes of shows devoted to ones relationship, I didn't find it disgusting (kissing was though) I just wanted to get to the actual action of the story. All my life I've been in love with the idea of just living with my friends sorta roommate style and not marrying because all I need is a nice friendgroup! I've never really noticed others having crushes or being in a relationship unless it was so extremely obvious that it couldn't be ignored.

Throughout middle school I never noticed kids get into relationships at all because I was just busy doing my own thing talking with my friends and just being myself. I never realized that the thought of not marrying was considered abnormal because I just thought that meant that you'd just be single and happy. Flirting has always sounded like some really dumb concept to me, I just don't get why someone wouldn't just outright confess their feelings because all logical sense says that it'd be easier if you don't flirt. I don't get grossed out by physical contact but it's still uncomfortable outside of family. I guess that my whole life I never valued romance at all, like if I was offered 100k to never marry, I'd do so in a heartbeat.

In the very rare times that some has admitted they had a crush on me I sorta just tried to defuse it as politely as I could because I couldn't ever reciprocate. I mean, I've never even considered anyone as more than a friend in my life but if I ever dated I'd only do so after a LOT of time spent with that person as a friend. In my brain relationships go from some sort of process where it starts as friends, after a LONG time of knowing that person I'd possibly date (that sounds horrible in my head), and then get married if things work out. I mean let me be honest I never understand people that just walk up to some random person and go "Oh hey random stranger I don't even know! You wanna go to a restaurant with me and then kiss even though I could be a total freak and you wouldn't know?!" I just don't freaking get it! XD

The thing is that I've only a couple of times thought I have crushes but every single time I stepped back I realized, I didn't love that person at all. I liked that person as a person, nothing more than that. Every time I thought that it was something more I always realized that I don't want to kiss, hold hands, or anything. I didn't even want to date! I never thought that there was anything wrong with that and I'm glad that I learned what aromanticism is at 15 instead of 30 but dang it, I wish I had waited 2 more years to know, that's when I could at least be so much more sure.

That would be the age that I'd finally be able to put the pieces together and actually be sure enough to come out instead of having some twisted tsunami of mental exploration that makes intrusive thoughts and random questions that make me doubt everything I know. I've spent only a couple of weeks questioning, no OBSESSING over this because it feels right, but at the same time there's still some part of me in the back of my twisted mind that's thinking "what if you just want to be aro?" That part of my brain is crushing my own suspicions and driving me up the wall. I despise it so much I can't even describe it. I know I'm too young to be sure, I know that I shouldn't obsess, but here I am very likely just having some identity crisis that pointed me towards something that I'm too young to be sure about.

I don't know if this is just me rambling or having a teenage identity crisis but the more I think things through the more it feels right. The more I obsess about something I know full well shouldn't be a concern until the end of high school, the more I'm convinced that I just don't feel anything, at least not yet. And yes, before I get this response, I know that the aro label is not something you have to set in stone, but I can not mentally live with not being sure of myself so I just want to wait until I actually do have it mentally set in stone. I haven't communicated my concerns with anyone other than some close friends but I just want to hear what others think to sort of mentally build up some sort of case that I may or may not be aro. Anyway I'm gonna stop talking before I spend 3 hours on this thing, tell me what you think if you can. :D

[alto]

welcome to Arocalypse!

[nonmerci]

Are you fricking young? Yes. Does it mean you can't be aro? No.

A lot of people already had their first crush at 15. Nothing stops you from ID as aro for now and change label later if you need to. Cause the problem when we wait to "have it set it stone" is that it never is : people will always tell you you are too young, until the day they tell you you are too old. So don't think about it and go woth what you are feeling right now.

 

Edited May 6, 2023 by nonmerci

[Aro Archer Author]

I’m sixteen and have identified as aroace for two years (and would have known earlier, I think, if I knew it was a thing I could be). You’re not too young, and it sounds like you’re probably also some degree of romance-averse if the idea of dating sounds horrible to you, which, while not exclusive to aros, is a pretty common aro experience. If you being aro makes sense to you, you’re probably aro. If most of your peers are old enough to be getting crushes, you’re old enough to be aro. 

[HelloThere]

22 hours ago, Aro Archer Author said:

I’m sixteen and have identified as aroace for two years (and would have known earlier, I think, if I knew it was a thing I could be). You’re not too young, and it sounds like you’re probably also some degree of romance-averse if the idea of dating sounds horrible to you, which, while not exclusive to aros, is a pretty common aro experience. If you being aro makes sense to you, you’re probably aro. If most of your peers are old enough to be getting crushes, you’re old enough to be aro. 

I mean, it does make sense to me but my big worry is that I just may be wrong at some point and then every time I look at high school I’m gonna remember that one SUPER self embarrassing time when I thought I was. I mean everything lines up so far and I can’t even imagine myself marrying but I’m afraid that if I identify as aro now, it may somehow leak to my parents and I’ll be forced to tell them long before I’m ready.

[Keith]

6 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

I mean, it does make sense to me but my big worry is that I just may be wrong at some point and then every time I look at high school I’m gonna remember that one SUPER self embarrassing time when I thought I was. I mean everything lines up so far and I can’t even imagine myself marrying but I’m afraid that if I identify as aro now, it may somehow leak to my parents and I’ll be forced to tell them long before I’m ready.

I get why you'd be embarrassed by it, and I don't want to invalidate your feelings, but keep in mind that it's perfectly okay to be wrong!! So what if it turns out that you weren't aromantic?? You were discovering yourself, and that's alright!! If the term aromantic feels right for you, then don't let all the negative 'what ifs' stop you from identifying with it. 

[HelloThere]

1 minute ago, Keith said:

I get why you'd be embarrassed by it, and I don't want to invalidate your feelings, but keep in mind that it's perfectly okay to be wrong!! So what if it turns out that you weren't aromantic?? You were discovering yourself, and that's alright!! If the term aromantic feels right for you, then don't let all the negative 'what ifs' stop you from identifying with it. 

Yeah you’re right, I really just hate being wrong, I mean it hasn’t made me bias my experiences but it has just made me worry for the future. XD