Heterosociality and LGBTQ+ identity

[DaviM703]

Question: do people think individuals who are specifically heterosocial, i. e. inclined to form friendships specifically with a gender other than their own, belong in the LGBTQ+ community?

My case for why they might based on my experience: when everyone including myself thought I was a boy, people acted like there was something wrong with me for having the friendship inclinations I did and a therapist tried to tell me I should deliberately favor male friends in a way I think is somewhat reminiscent of conversion therapy and if they had been right about my gender, it seems to me like a form of not accepting people the way they are based on something related to gender and that's the same category of experience as people of pretty much everything that is agreed to be an LGBTQ+ identity have.

It could be seen as a form of gender nonconformity, which may not always be part of someone's identity, but I also feel like friendship is devalued by society based on amatonormativity. I don't have a firm answer in my mind, just want to see what other people think since I am considering writing something about the question. I definitely feel like people who are specifically inclined to form friendship with a different gender face some of the same kinds of treatment by others as those with LGBTQ+ identities but so do those who just don't dress in a way seen as normal for their gender without it having anything to do with their identity.

Therapists and others who give relationship advice do try to get those who tend to make different-gender friends to change that, but it is definitely not the same as the way people act like being gay or trans is morally wrong. Just want to see what people think.

[Isa1116]

I'm not really mature enough to answer this properly, but it they end up as part of the lgbtqia+ then I accept them. :)

[DeltaAro]

13 hours ago, DaviM703 said:

My case for why they might based on my experience: when everyone including myself thought I was a boy, people acted like there was something wrong with me for having the friendship inclinations I did and a therapist tried to tell me I should deliberately favor male friends in a way I think is somewhat reminiscent of conversion therapy and if they had been right about my gender, it seems to me like a form of not accepting people the way they are based on something related to gender and that's the same category of experience as people of pretty much everything that is agreed to be an LGBTQ+ identity have

They assume that same-sex friendships are better or less fraught with problems, because sexual/romantic attraction won't get in the way and there's deeper understanding and more equality between people of the same gender. Very big assumptions, IMHO, especially since not all people are cis, straight and gender-conforming.

It's difficult to draw the line between what constitutes 'core' identity (where any effort to change is harmful and impossible) and traits that can and should be changed. If I were a therapist, I wouldn't criticize friend choices except if those "friends" are obviously harmful. It would feel like violating boundaries to push a wedge between some friendship of my client because of my preconceived notion of how friendships should be.

So is heterosociality LGBTQ+? There are no 'official' criteria, so I don't know.

[hemogoblin]

I see it. But for me the question is less "are these people inherently queer?" (which leads to gatekeeping) and more "do these people align themselves with queerness?" (which promotes self-identification).

[DaviM703]

Update: here is what I wrote about this question: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/the-relationship-between-heterosociality-and-the-lgbtq-community-5dbd71c451af

[alto]

I am proudly heterosocial.  Yes, we are queer.  Yes, we should be included in the queer community.

[nonmerci]

I have no opinion on this, as I don't really care about what counts as LGBT+ or not. The importance for me is that the srtuggle is real, important, and not talked enough in our societies.