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aro thoughts on other people’s relationships


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I have two friends who just started unofficially dating which is great because they are both amazing and if they didn’t the levels of pining may have driven everyone insane. When I looked at them together and saw the level of emotional intimacy that you could practically see between them, though, I got a weird mix of feeling happy for them and at the same time a bit sad because I know I’ll never have that specific kind of relationship. Is that just me?

Edited by EternallyTBD
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i can feel this rarely. my friends around me dont get into romantic relationships bc the majority of them are aroace but i do envy the intimacy ppl have on a romantic level. which is why i wished for a closer friend whom i can have the same amount of intimacy for but still remaining as friends; aka a qar. im romance indifferent and averse sometimes so once in a while i wish i have that emotional closeness and the next i go eww kissing so thats basically it for me

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Mostly I'm just like "why tho?" While also wanting to be happy for them. In a rare case, I'm just a tad bit jealous of the attention my friend is giving their s/o.

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Other people in relationships don't really trigger it, but I do sometimes lament the fact that there are no "adult milestones" for me to be able to meet in an amatonormative society. Not gonna get married, don't want kids, don't have a career... It's very easy to feel 'left behind'.

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1 hour ago, hemogoblin said:

I do sometimes lament the fact that there are no "adult milestones" for me to be able to meet in an amatonormative society

This. There's a concept called the "social clock" and it's milestones that you are supposed to hit around certain times. A big one is marriage, and even before I knew I was aro, I knew I didn't want that. But I assumed it would happen, whether I liked it or not. And it's a strange feeling. Because accepting I was aro lifted the weight of that expectation off my chest. But not the expectation of the expectation.

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17 hours ago, Neon said:

This. There's a concept called the "social clock" and it's milestones that you are supposed to hit around certain times. A big one is marriage, and even before I knew I was aro, I knew I didn't want that. But I assumed it would happen, whether I liked it or not. And it's a strange feeling. Because accepting I was aro lifted the weight of that expectation off my chest. But not the expectation of the expectation.

The expectation of expectation! THANK YOU for perfectly articulating this. 🐸

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