Just aro ?

[nonmerci]

So I was wonfering if just aro is a good label for me or if aro and ace is better.

(I'm not a fan of aroace for me, just realized this night lol, cause even if it is technically the short for "aro and ace", the fact they are put in the same word makes it sounds like they are linked which is not how I experience my identity... aro ace would have sounded better but still weird)

 

I don't really know why I am wondering that now. It's just that I was thinking to something last night, I don't even remember what, and the words "just aro" came to my mind as a description for me instead of aroace and since I'm asking myself questions lol.

 

It's not like I don't fit the description of "asexual". But I connect a lot more to my aro identity and usually, except if it is important to the topic, I would say I'm aro and only add ace in parenthesis if I mention it, aka "aro (and ace)". And usually the reason I do it is because I read it is important to say when you speak from an aroace perspective and not from an alloaro one, so we highlight the fact that our sexuality affects our relationship to aromanticism. It's not like I particularly feel the need to say I'm ace. See what I mean ?

I also connect more with the asexual identity. It took me years to enter an ace forum though I subscribe to arocalypse the second I realize I was on the spectrum (thought I was greyro back then). And though I stayed on AVEN, I'm not gonna lie, it is mainly for the meme thread and the people who are in that thread. I can't explain why but I don't really feel the need to talk about my asexuality or to give that much of my time to the acr community (which I'm ashamed to admit cause I do believe the visibility of the ace community is as important as the one of the aro community, I just feel less concerned for some reason I don't get).

 

Finally I tend to connect more easily with other aros and I feel more connected to the "philosophy" of the community (of course I know that aros don't all think the same way, it's just a general tendency about how we present things or whay kind of debates we have).

 

 

Anyway all of this to say : are there just aros here who would be comfortable to explain why they chose this label ? I know I see some in the past but not sure they are still here.

If not, does someone have links to just aro blogs or articles or things like that ?

It would help me to see clear. Thanks.

[Acecream]

Hey nonmerci :)

I hope it's fine that I answer, even if I currently don't want to use "only" the label aromatic, but I totally feel what you are saying and I had similiar thoughts/feeling in the past and I'm kinda sure I will have them again^^

So, first of all, I myself refuse to say "aroace" at the moment. It's partly what you mentioned, that "aroace" sounds like ONE identity while it isn't and partly because it feels as if it would erase my sensual attraction (which is doesn't, but as people hear the word aroace and directly think they "know all" about it, they are always confused when I mention it). So I used to say "aromantic AND ace" in the past rather than aroace while at the same time I sometimes felt as if aro and ace would be another thing than aroace??? I've no clue if that's true or not, bc aroaces can be on the spectrums in the same ways people who are aro and ace can, can't they?

Currently I'm leaning towards saying that I'm queer and aro – which I like on the one hand because it doesn't give a strict definition and I don't have to think too much about what my sensual attraction actually feels to me and who I'm attracted to sensually – and I hate on the other hand because it opens two groups: queer vs aro. And, clearly, being aromantic is totally queer itself. When I think about my own queerness, the first thing I think about is not that I'm ace or that I'm attracted to people of several genders in a sensual, physical way or not that I am nonbinary trans*... The first think that comes in my mind when I'm thinking about my queerness is my aromanticism. It has just a huge importance for me.

I also don't feel welcome in lgbtqia+ spaces if those spaces wouldn't welcome me without any question if I was a endo-cis-heterosexual-aromantic person. (I'm not sure if endo is the correct word for not-inter*-people in english, as it's not my mothertongue, feel free to correct me :):) )

Even if I'm totally sure I'm ace I don't have the need to talk about it, as you mentioned as well. And I too do feel ashamed or bad because of this reason because I feel like I'm betraying the ace community. But I also feel that when I tell people that I am aroace or aro and ace people always focus more on the ace part an that sucks, especially as it's less important for me. There is an arospec and acespec meeting in my town and even if I would love to go I don't, because I need and want an arospec meeting rather than an aro-and/or ace-spec one. I would feel way more connected to alloaros than I would to alloaces. I fear that it will be too much about asexuality and too less about aromanticism. Also I feel kinda disconnected and annoyed from the ace-community as I've seen a lot of sex-negativity and ace-elitarism in there (which is NOT the fault of asexuality as a label or of acespec people in general of course).

So, I totally understand if you want to use "just aro" as a label. I think I don't have to tell you that this is valid but I want to tell you that it's completely reasonable and that you don't have to feel ashamed to "make the ace community less visible" because it's not you making it invisible while deciding the label doesn't feel good to use anymore

and I think I remember from the aro census that there was a not insignificant number of people who described as "just aro", but I could be wrong 

Edited November 18, 2022 by Acecream

[Nagito]

I'm using only "aro" label, because I'm simply confused about my sexual attraction, and I don't think it's necessary for me to identify as alloaro or aroace. Alloallos generally don't use split attraction model, so why should I? It makes no sense. If they can ignore, I can ignore it, too.

It's fine to say "just aro" about yourself, regardless of being allosexual, asexual or just confused about it (like me), and you don't have to explain to people why you're using only it.

[aro_elise]

i totally get what you mean.  i also feel like when people learn our orientations they kind of see our aromanticism as irrelevant, or secondary to our sexual orientation (no matter what it is), even if we actually feel it to be the other way around.  and i also feel particularly connected to the aro community and our "philosophy," and i relate more to aro aces than heteroromantic heterosexuals, overall.  though i do use two labels, i put 'aro' first.  i suppose you could use just 'aro' and 'aro and ace' alternately depending on the situation.  but maybe you're thinking more about how to identify in your own head?  i understand that.  i think there isn't really a better way to see what feels right than just to...see what feels right, you know, like try thinking of yourself as just aro and see whether it sticks.  same thing we did when we first came to identify how we do, right, well, what i did.  but you're right that hearing from other people who identify that way is helpful too.

23 hours ago, Acecream said:

And, clearly, being aromantic is totally queer itself.

23 hours ago, Acecream said:

I also don't feel welcome in lgbtqia+ spaces if those spaces wouldn't welcome me without any question if I was a endo-cis-heterosexual-aromantic person

you guys are awesome, see, it's stuff like this why i love it here.

 

 

[nonmerci]

Thanks you all for your answers, it helps me clarify my head.

On 11/18/2022 at 10:18 AM, Acecream said:

I also don't feel welcome in lgbtqia+ spaces if those spaces wouldn't welcome me without any question if I was a endo-cis-heterosexual-aromantic person.

Yeah same. First, not great for the fellow straight aros (some don't identify with lgbtqia+ and that's fine, but that's not a reason to excluse those who do). Second I've rarely seen a reasoning for this exclusion that doesn't had arophobic arguments. Usually the same people arguing that will be very vocal about how aro gay/bi/pan etc are welcomed, but are unable to see how aromanticism affects their experiences and so.fail to include them as aromantic people. They just fail to see aromanticism as relevant, and so they fail all our community.

But I get a bit off topic here, sorry.

 

I think just aro fits well. I'm going to try it for a while as you said, and see if it works.

Thanks !