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Why am I hurting?


Aversa
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I feel kind tired about wrting this here, cuz I am pretty sure no one can help me but me, but... I need to let it out. So to anyone reading this: Thanks for listening!

 

So I have a friend. Lets call them (A) This friend is everything to me. They are the person I want to grow old with. The only person that ever really mattered. We know each other since childhood, we are both on the Aro and Ace Spec and we share a really strong connection. Nothing they evee did could draw me away. We are best friends, the No.1 Persons in our lifes but we are not exclusive, no QPR  and that always sat right with me. Like I really didn't care. We had a few talks about it and came to the conclusion that defining pur relationship would only put pressure on us and otherwise change nothing. 

 

But after recently being away for one month I return to find a new person in our friend group. This  new Guy took a like in my Soulmate.  He is nice and all otherwise, I kinda liked him. 

Until (A) told me that he has romantic interest in them. Thats what they told me on one of our cuddle sessions. Ofc they didn't have any interest but then told me that they wanted to experiment a little and startet to sleep with that guy. They agreed on fwb. I was confused at first but I want them to find out want they want.

 

But since I know this I started to get pretty fu*kin jelly. I realy hate it! I get so angry and sad when they spend time to getter and he takes up a lot of the time we did spend together. A LOT. Ofc it' good if (A) has other friends and they should spend time with who they want. I want them to be happy but I am just so sad. It hurts so much.

 

And I hate myself for being a jealous b&tch. I don't want to be like that.

 

But I know as long as this lasts I will keep hurting and being jelly.

 

Why? Why am I afraid of losing them? I am not jealous abot the sex I don't wanna sleep with them but since I know about that part everything went downhill for me. I hurt every day I still want to be close to (A) closer then they are with him. At the same time I want to distance my self from them. Just look away for a while.

 

So what the F do I want? 

 

 

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Maybe a polyamorous perspective would be helpful here?

I know Kimchi Cuddles takes things from a pretty aro perspective, perhaps reading that comic might be helpful to you.  Especially her more recent work, where many of her partners become platonic partners.

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You want to be close to this person and now someone else is involved, getting large amounts of attention and love from them. Its fair to be worried about losing someone you are clearly so close to. Its fair to be unhappy if you feel you are not getting the relationship you once had.

I have no useful advice but i think time might be a good healer here. this is recent, once a few more months go by and you havent lost her then you may find you are more able to relax again, are feeling less jealous.

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