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the aro-allo experience


raye
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ok so I help run my school's LGBTQ+ club, and am hoping to talk a little bit about being aromantic while allosexual, and was wondering if there's anything anyone thinks I should bring up/talk about? Thanks :)

Edited by raye
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Well of course you should talk about how lots of people, even within queer/aro communities assume aro = ace and how that leads to people just forgetting about us aroallos.

I think you should also show our pride flag, it's very pretty.

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3 hours ago, dewy said:

I think you should also show our pride flag, it's very pretty.

use the colors of the flag and make lemon slice shaped popsicles to share with the club to introduce aroallos but i think that would be too much to ask tbh

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Two big things I can think of are

1. The assumption that being aroallo means that someone is only interested in hookups and one night stands. Obvs there's nothing wrong with having/wanting casual sex, but not every aroallo is like that.

2. The weird stigmatization against aroallos because they experience sexual attraction without romantic attraction, which somehow makes their attraction "bad" or ""impure""

If you have time, you could also talk about concepts like neu aro and non-sam aro, since ace-allo isnt a binary. But if you're just talking about aroallo then you don't have to mention them

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Maybe talk about aroallo erasure, like how a lot of people, when told that someone is aro, immediately jump to assuming they're also ace, even after they're told that the person is not ace? aroworlds.com is a really great resource for aroallo stuff, you could show that as a resource? The person who runs the site also runs a couple of Tumblr accounts. https://aroworlds.com/links/

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I'm hesitant to give advice on this, i dont know the specifics of your schools lgbt club of course, but i think a bit of advice i can give is make sure you wont get anyone in trouble for talking frankly about sex.

I've talked to a friend of mine a few times who went to a school which allowed an LGBT group in principle. He ran it when he was in the schools 6th form years (uk, ~17 turning 18 years at the time) and wanted to have the group discuss, well, gay sex, talk through the sex ed he never got in a safe environment. the school got very unhappy with this idea very quickly. he very nearly ended up with the group shut down and a rather large argument between the school, him, his parents, all of that.

I think the school wanted the club to say they had the club, rather than to actually allow LGBT people to have a useful club. As i say, i dont know if this applies to you, school clubs like that are fairly rare where i am and probably operate in a very different way but i think its worth a check.

I disagree with that schools stance, i think its bloody stupid to have an lgbt group which cannot discuss that, but my opinions dont matter. The fact is schools have the power to remove clubs they dont like. Make sure you are safe talking about this and that you are not going to bring the wrath of khan down on the club.

sorry to be a downer here, i hope it goes great and you have interesting conversations but thinking about it i dont think i should avoid mentioning that.

If things are ok for discussion I think at least making the point that there is a huge variety of sexual relations outside of romance. I think the tendancy is to think, oh, one night stand. because that is the most obvious example if you think of all intimate connecction in terms of romance. Mention that you could, for example have sex with a close friend you have known for ages without anything romantic between you.

 It might be worth at least a mention that ideas about modern society being ok or accepting of casual sex can be quite simplistic. For example that ignores age, old man looking for nsa sex gets a very different reaction to, say, an early 20s student. It also ignores other aspects of people's life such as class or race or sexuality and how that impacts whether people really accept the idea of sex outside of romance. There are some narrow groups of people we are ok with shagging around, if they agree to 'grow up' at some point but that ignores the enormous number of people who would face serious repurcussions if they wish to have a more open sex life.

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7 hours ago, Apex said:

If you have time, you could also talk about concepts like neu aro and non-sam aro, since ace-allo isnt a binary. But if you're just talking about aroallo then you don't have to mention them

I don't actually know what these terms mean, so if anyone wanted to explain them, that would be awesome. 

And I'm loving all the suggestions; thank you! 

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On 9/15/2022 at 11:40 PM, raye said:

I don't actually know what these terms mean, so if anyone wanted to explain them, that would be awesome. 

And I'm loving all the suggestions; thank you! 

I suppose neu aro is for neurodivergent aro ? Not sure but sound logical. Edit : it is actually neutral aron

Non SAM aros are the one who don't use the split attraction model. It can be aroace people who don't differentiate between their aro and ace sides, or aro who think that their sexuality (asexual or not) is not relevant to their identity, and probably there are other reasons that I don't think about right now.

Edited by nonmerci
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17 hours ago, raye said:

I don't actually know what these terms mean, so if anyone wanted to explain them, that would be awesome.

8 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I suppose neu aro is for neurodivergent aro ? Not sure but sound logical.

Neu aro is "neutral"- someone who isn't asexual or allosexual, or who feels like they're in the middle. There's overlap with non-SAM

Edited by Apex
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16 hours ago, Apex said:

Neu aro is "neutral"- someone who isn't asexual or allosexual, or who feels like they're in the middle. There's overlap with non-SAM

OK my bad. I guesd it makes more sense why you bring it up.

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