raye

not really unfortunately. I think they're all going earlier. We're going to travel back from London together though, which is at least a little bit reassuring

I'm a uni student in the north of England and I'm attending a conference in London soon with a society. We're meant to travel down on the Friday and the train everyone's getting is in the morning. On the day, though, I have quite a few lectures/seminars etc. My uni's not super strict on attendance so I could miss them (which is probably what several other people will do), but the thought of missing lectures is basically causing me a meltdown. But so is the thought of having to navigate London by myself if I get a different train to everyone else.

I'm a uni student in the north of England and I'm attending a conference in London soon with a society. We're meant to travel down on the Friday and the train everyone's getting is in the morning. On the day, though, I have quite a few lectures/seminars etc. My uni's not super strict on attendance so I could miss them (which is probably what several other people will do), but the thought of missing lectures is basically causing me a meltdown. But so is the thought of having to navigate London by myself if I get a different train to everyone else.

I don't actually know what these terms mean, so if anyone wanted to explain them, that would be awesome. And I'm loving all the suggestions; thank you!

ok so I help run my school's LGBTQ+ club, and am hoping to talk a little bit about being aromantic while allosexual, and was wondering if there's anything anyone thinks I should bring up/talk about? Thanks :)

Hi! Please don't take anything I say as gospel and as the truth as I'm only 18 and have only just realised I'm aro myself, but I'll try and at least answer some of those questions. Remember that you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to, and it's also perfectly okay and normal for those labels to change as you get older and learn more about yourself. So if you feel more like a lesbian at the moment, and then find out you're aroace, that's okay! You could even be an aroace lesbian. I myself am not aroace, but I believe that it's essentially to do with aesthetic attractions, almost an "I would if I wanted to" kinda situation. In regards to the having a crush on women situation: one of the main indicators when I was considering my own aro identity was the fact I'd never had a crush or even knew what a crush felt like. If that's something you might also been questioning, then yes, you might want to consider some labels under the aro umbrella. But you are still young and there's plenty of time for that to change. It's your identity and you can use whatever words you want to. Basically, just remember that in the end, it doesn't matter -- identities change and therefore the words you use to describe yourself can and probably will change, and questioning that identity is also a perfectly normal and healthy thing too, by the way. Know that no matter what words you choose to use and when, you are valid no matter what <3

This is very true. One of the first times I explained my bisexuality and aromanticism to someone (granted, they were younger than me and didn’t understand much about queer culture) they asked if I was a rapist or a slut. At the time, I laughed because I didn’t know how else to react. I also agree with what you said about tending to have a longer questioning period. Realistically, I know I’m almost definitely aromantic, but it’s taken me a lot of time to even think about coming to terms with it and it’s still something I struggle with a lot. And a lot of that, I think, is because it’s roped in with asexuality so much of the time, and that’s made me question my sexuality too, even though I’m fairly certain I’m bi. It’s made me feel like — even though I know this isn’t true — that if I’m aro, no one cares unless I’m ace as well.

Ooh, now this is interesting and something I've been thinking about for a while. I think my ideal QPR would definitely be platonic and probably exclusively us. I love the idea of caring about this one person and having them caring more about me specifically, almost like I just wanna to love and be loved yano. And I'd love to go on dates together, even sex would be fine if that was what they wanted (I'm bi, but could live without it). I think the only thing I wouldn't want is the actual romantic feelings and stuff like kissing. I'd even be up for getting married and stuff if that was what they wanted (but again, I'm indifferent).

Since this, I have found a couple of aro fics that some of you might be interested in. All of the following are on AO3. Heartstopper: Oh, luxury suits you Mr. Donovan by Marnky what if it's not meant for me? by SchrodingersGobstopper47 (they also have some with aromantic side characters, which were great too) I, Imogen Heaney, am aromantic by Sunnys567 Supernatural: hey, fakin' your real self is hard by SchrodingersGobstopper47 (again) In Fidelity (Enough of a Heaven) by demonsonthemoon Harry Potter: This Is Just What Human Means (For Me) by WoodenSuitcase Most of these are oneshots and quite short and are obviously only for the fandoms I frequently read for. They are some of the best I've found, though. So if anyone has anymore to add, please do!

Definitely make her those bracelets! I bet she'd love that, especially as she mentioned yours. I'm happy for you and good luck :)

I think I kinda just meant what the attraction feels like I guess? How do you know you're attracted to them? idk, I just know I've definitely felt some sort of attraction (definitely not romantic) and I'm just tryna figure it out haha. I really appreciate the answer, though, thank you! :)

okay so, at the moment, I identify as aromantic bisexual (though I am questioning both of those), and I get asked this question a surprising amount, and it's honestly something I've never really thought about. It just made me curious what other aro-allos' opinions and thoughts were, because this is part of the reason I'm questioning my bisexuality. Do you have a type? If so, could you explain how that works? and what it means?

So I was out with my family today and although I've told them I'm aromantic, they always just laugh at me when I say I don't wanna get married and have children. They keep saying I'll change my mind when I'm older and marry a nice man (I'm bisexual) and have kids because they all said they didn't wanna get married when they were my age. I'd try and talk to them, but they aren't accepting of my queer identity in the slightest and we never talk about our emotions etc in my family so idk what to do. The majority of other people (non-family) in my life are a bit more accepting, but a couple of them have been saying that they think it's a phase and it's normal to question stuff like this and they hope I'll find the right person one day. And I get that they're trying to help or make me feel better, but it doesn't. Especially as I'm struggling with so much internalised arophobia as well -- I'm non-binary and bisexual as well, both of which were difficult to come to terms with, but the aromanticism has definitely been so much harder, and every comment just makes me feel so much worse and I hate myself so much more. If anyone has any advice/something that'll make me feel better etc, it'd be much appreciated. Thank you <3

So I was talking to my allo-cis-het friend today about romantic and sexual relationships because I'm still very new to being and accepting myself as aro, and I was basically just asking him questions and being even more confused about the answers. My main question was what's the difference between a romantic relationship and a friend you go on dates with etc? and he didn't really seem to have a solid answer for that? He just said that romantic relationships are focussed on love and loyalty, but then I was just confused about what love is because I tell my friends I love them? maybe this is just a me thing, I don't know. But it just really confused me and he was laughing at me and telling me I'd probably find someone someday. And I don't blame him for that because he doesn't really understand it, but I just thought I'd come on here and see what some of you guys had to say on it? Anything would be appreciated :)

I promise you it's not wrong. It's a perfectly normal thing, whether romantic, sexual, sensual or platonic. So many people feel attraction to teachers, especially queer people, maybe because we often have difficult relationships with our families and our teachers are the next adults we turn to for responsibility and as moral leaders in our lives. No matter what you may think, there is nothing wrong with feeling a connection of some sort with your teacher. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

k so I've read Loveless by Alice Oseman and absolutely love Heartstopper, but I'm looking for books or fanfictions that have aromantic characters, especially aromantic characters that are not asexual. If anyone has any recommendations, please feel free to post them here <3 I'll add on any that I find as well!

I've had a similar situation before too where I agreed to date a friend only to break up with him literally the next day because I realised I wasn't actually happy with the idea of going out with someone and was instead very uncomfortable and slightly scared.

so I've been friends with this guy for a little while but we've got closer recently, and today he's called me attractive twice, and I know that he could just be being friendly, but I've looked up the signs of flirting and romance and stuff like that and they all seem like stuff that friends do, so I'm a bit confused to be honest. Neither of us have really had lots of friends or relationships (or healthy ones in his case) so I just really don't know. He also knows I'm bi and I tried to explain being aro to him too but idk he gets it or believes me, especially as I don't even know if I am. Yeah, I'm just confused and a bit worried I guess cos I don't want to hurt him and I'm probably just overthinking. update: the situations now getting a little worse and I'm really confused and perhaps a little scared? he's called me cute and said stuff about loving hanging out with me, but also, apparently some people who know both of us have said they thought we've been flirting for ages and teasing him about me?? and then he used the word "date" to describe us hypothetically meeting sometime. and now I really don't know if I'm just overthinking/panicking or if this is real. I've told him I'm (probably) aromantic but he's allocishet so I don't think he really understands and he told me I might change my mind, and he thought like that before he got with someone for the first time. I'm just a little scared because I'd hate to hurt him. Any help/advice would be seriously appreciated; thank you.

I don't know really... I kinda just started realising that I didn't think I'd ever had an actual crush before. Then one of my closest friends came out as asexual and got a girlfriend, and I really didn't understand half of what he was saying in regards to the romantic cues and stuff. And there'd be all this drama in the relationship, arguing and stuff, and I just didn't understand or really get the hype. The same started happening when my sister got a boyfriend too. Then I started relating to some of the stuff my ace friend was saying but I was 90% sure I wasn't ace, but I'd always hated the idea of being aromantic cos I didn't wanna be along forever and it just felt like I was broken. But then I sorta started coming to terms with it a bit more -- I'm still not fully but yeah

yes I think so. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual and aromantic now. they were also really helpful regarding accepting aromanticism and dealing with the internalised arophobia. like, obviously I still have a hell of a long way to go because the idea still makes me very uncomfortable and kinda sad, but the videos helped a lot :)

ok thank you so much for recommending nik hampshire. I've just binged like all of his videos; they were all amazing, and I would highly recommend them to anyone who thinks they might be aromantic but not asexual.

hi! my name's raye, I'm 17 and I use they/them pronouns. I'm bisexual and non-binary but I've kinda recently realised that I might be aromantic too and it's taking me a while to come to terms with the idea. If anyone has any advice or anything or good rep for me to read/watch or something, I don't know. I'm kinda new to all this aromantic stuff and I'd appreciate just about anything. Thanks :)