morally wrong squish

[Guest thatbiguy]

I have a squish on my calculus teacher. She is very pretty and Im also attracted sensually towards her. Im aroace and I would never do anything. Just her talking to me like we were friends or if she were my sister is more than enough. But sometimes I get the urge to hold her hand or hug her. Which I cant do and thats fine but I feel wrong for this somehow. Im scared that she has a crush on me which doesnt even make any sense. I think she just likes talking to me but my head is going insane and I get scared something is going to happen. People say its wrong being attracted to teachers but is it the same with platonic attraction?

[raye]

I promise you it's not wrong. It's a perfectly normal thing, whether romantic, sexual, sensual or platonic. So many people feel attraction to teachers, especially queer people, maybe because we often have difficult relationships with our families and our teachers are the next adults we turn to for responsibility and as moral leaders in our lives. No matter what you may think, there is nothing wrong with feeling a connection of some sort with your teacher. There is nothing wrong with you at all. 

[DeltaAro]

I wonder: how can a squish EVER be morally wrong?

[The Gray Warlock]

In my 8th grade English class we had a student teacher who was quite attractive. One time she taught a lesson on punctuation and comma placement. In the middle of the study period, while the class was all silent, one boy raised his hand and asked "What if a sentence doesn't need condoms, I mean condoms, I mean condoms..." He stopped for a moment, regrouped, and then asked "what if they don't need condoms, I mean condoms, I mean..."

Can it get any more embarrassing than that?

I think you'll be fine.

[alto]

6 hours ago, DeltaV said:

I wonder: how can a squish EVER be morally wrong?

Well, a 27 year old having a squish on a 13 year old is wrong.  Don't ask me why.  It just is. 

[roboticanary]

On 7/14/2022 at 10:54 AM, Guest thatbiguy said:

People say its wrong being attracted to teachers but is it the same with platonic attraction?

ok. the way I tend to think about this is power imbalance in a relationship.

Its not wrong to feel some attraction towards a teacher, thats some feelings you can't really do much about. However it is wrong to be in a relationship with a teacher where that power balance comes in. 

So if you have one schoolkid, a teenager with no adult experience, limited freedom to get out of a bad situation. That person should not be getting into a close relationship with someone who has such great ability to control them. Think of the power a teacher could have over that student, for example if their parents trust the teachers word they have an immense ability to do harm with very few places the student could go to help.

Where I am in the UK our law on sexual offenses is very explicit on this point when it comes to sexual relationships. basically no sex if you are in a 'position of trust' over someone under 18, even if by pure age limits it would be seen as ok.

Because tehse relationships are generally bad and dangerous to the younger party we discourage them, but sometimes that gets translated as saying its wrong to feel that attraction, which is not really the point. 

with regard to platonic relationships I guess the same thought would apply. It is not a good idea to treat a teacher as a friend in the same way you might have schoolfriends, that person is a grown ass adult and can exert a lot of power on a naive student. But to just think that a teacher is decent and you would like that sort of person as a friend or companion is not some moral failing.

[DeltaAro]

On 7/22/2022 at 8:23 AM, alto said:

Well, a 27 year old having a squish on a 13 year old is wrong.  Don't ask me why.  It just is. 

Since there's no obvious causal chain that starts with a squish on a child and ends with a serious crime, it's in my opinion not morally wrong.

Of course, talking about such a squish is a very bad idea. It would be interpreted as sublimated pedophilia.

17 hours ago, roboticanary said:

with regard to platonic relationships I guess the same thought would apply.

It's not rare for parents to also abuse their power. Many at least fill their children's heads with nonsense, which can cause a lot of pain later on. No one cares.

A close relationship where an adult acts like a "normal friend" of a minor, and that's it, is not ideal, but... but ... is it not worlds apart from a sexual relationship with a minor!?

 

Edited July 23, 2022 by DeltaV