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feeling phony


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I am clearly aromantic. but I cannot help but observe what others think is romantic, when it happens. I see the romance in it, even though I don't understand why it would feel that way.. I still see it. sometimes if a romantic gesture is sent my way, I feel flattered and loved, which well, that makes sense right? so whenever I try to imagine myself being with even an aromantic partner, I still see the romance in it, and it makes me uncomfortable. it makes me feel phony. 

I like to think that I am able to handle such a romantic gesture... but when I feel it out, I just can't handle it. even when there isn't even romance behind it! 

although this is just when I play out some scenario in my head... I'm not very social 


sorry that I couldn't form this into a question... dunno how.. 

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I also do the things you said and cometimes I also doubt myself about it. My way of dealing with it is recognising that my imagination likes to go on random tangents unexpectedly, and also I realised that any romantic partner in my imagination was, at their base, a version of me so it's not surprising that I felt comfortable and that they said and did everything that made me happy.

 

Your imagination is not real life and although it can reflect or react to real life, sometimes it has nothing to do with it or is connected to something other than what you assume. My two ideas of what you could do, if it's bothering you too much, is either try to just enjoy what your imagination is coming up with as just imaginings and not worry about connecting it to anything real world, or see if you can destract yourself by thinking of something else, maybe read some books or watch some films to help you along.

 

I hope something I said wa helpful :)

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I find certain types of romantic affection pleasing, from the perspective of power--it makes me feel powerful that I could affect someone so greatly. But I don't want to be in that position forever--I'm fine if they do it once or twice, but if it becomes a repeated pattern, then it's too much and feels nauseating. 

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