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Looking for therapy advice


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CW: Rant, brief mentions of sexual trauma
 

I know I need therapy. But I live in the deep  South, and my chances of finding a queer-affirming therapist have always been low. Even more so for ones who are affirming to aro-spec and ace-spec labels. The last therapist I had was acephobic. I have sexual trauma I need to work through, but I’m always terrified to bring it up. I know most will think my queer identities are a product of my trauma, rather than considering how my queer identities factored into my trauma. 
 

I’m a minor who’s dependent on my bio family as of now. Last time I asked for therapy, my mom wanted to know the reason why. She said so she could know what kind of therapist to get me. When my mom found out about me being s*xually gr**med, she humiliated me. And she’s always been barely tolerant to my queer labels. 
 

With all that in mind- is therapy currently worth pursuing? What kind of excuse should I give my mother in the “reason” department? Are there any resources anyone can give for someone in my position? 

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That is a lot to unpack; I'm so sorry to hear your mom is being so unsupportive. I'm guessing you need her permission since you are a minor? I don't think making up a 'reason' is going to help, because chances are she is going to check with the therapist...

I live in the Netherlands, if a minor needs help here I would know were to point them, but that won't help you. Is there someone on this forum who lives closer by and knows?

Sorry I can't be of any help.

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I think therapy is always worth pursuing. The question, rather, is is it feasible? And in this point in time, I don't know that it is, and I'm very sorry. I grew up with a father who was abusive in every way imaginable on top of my family being conservative Christians, so I was not really able to access any kind of meaningful therapy until I was 19 through my university. So, unfortunately, I think it'll most likely be the waiting game.

In the meantime, however, you can still look around for things that will help you. PsychCentral, iirc, has a therapist finder where you can sort people through filters like being LGBTQ-friendly and so on. Additionally, there are plenty of PDFs of books and things floating around online that might be able to help you out. I'm currently getting a Masters in Social Work and I'm going from my clinical licensure eventually, so I know some about psychotherapy and what it entails. Just identify what you think you personally need to work on and what you are currently struggling with the most, and then from there you (or someone else who can help) can identify things like what type of therapy might be beneficial and what resources you need. For instance, if DBT is something that might work for you, there's a DBT workbook you can order on Amazon that is super useful and recommended by therapists all the time.

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On 5/31/2022 at 9:36 AM, lovely-lavender said:

When my mom found out about me being s*xually gr**med, she humiliated me.

😳 always remember that you don't have any obligations towards your mother after that.

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  • 3 weeks later...

i’d say do your best to research good therapists *for you* in your area. a good way to do that is break down what you might want, obviously someone with experience in sexual trauma but if you have any self diagnoses/symptoms and traits shared with diagnosis it’s good to look for that too. you could be able to check reddit for some proper reviews of those therapists (many useful subreddits), or find the therapists social media. you might not find the former but the latter is pretty common nowadays, and can be useful as many teach coping/grounding etc methods in case therapy’s still inaccessible to you. i wish you the best of luck

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