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I'M SO FREAKING SCARED PLEASE HELP


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So I think I might be aroflux, but I'm Christian. I've been struggling with this for like a month, and honestly I need a fellow Christian (if you're on the aro or ace spec that would be great) to help me out. I don't know how to come out or even if I am aroflux. I want to talk to my friends first, but how do I bring that up? Also, I'M SO FREAKING SCARED. I'm Christian and don't want to let go of my beliefs/religion. But I'm also struggling with romantic identity. (And to y'all out there who think that Christians don't like LGBTQIA+, that's wrong. I don't mind it, not many real Christians do. We just want to help people WITHOUT changing their sexual/romantic/gender/etc identity.) SEND HELP PLEASE. (this was posted on ditch the label too but i need a lot more help than i thought)

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Hi, I've been Christian my whole life and am pretty devout. I'm grey-aromantic.
So far as coming out, I wouldn't until you're pretty well out of your questioning phase and you're sure of yourself. (That's not to say you may not end up questioning again at some point in the future, or adjusting your identity. That's perfectly okay, too.) If you think coming out to your friends might be helpful though, like maybe you think it'd be helpful in figuring things out, then go for it. But I wouldn't come out publicly until you feel fairly, reasonably certain. 
Coming out doesn't have to be a single, one and done, event either. Most will come out multiple times in their life, having to open up to different people. 

Also, something I have tried is not using labels to explain things to some people, if you don't think they'll be accepting of a label. When I came out to my mom as aroace, I just said that I'm not interested in "that kind of thing". I did show her my aro flag, but her reaction just cemented the fact that using labels would have gone in a direction I didn't want it to.

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I am a nerd who studies the Bible, along with many other topics. Being aro doesn't, in any way, go against the teachings of the Bible. The Apostle Paul, (who wrote more than half of the New Testament, if I remember correctly) was a happily single man, who greatly encouraged others to stay single as well. No part of aro-ness is in conflict with the teachings in any way &, if someone tries to tell you otherwise, point to Paul. Also, keep in mind that, as aros, we can still be very loving & caring people, we're just not 'in love' with people. Look at Jesus! He gave his life out of love, but the Bible never mentions him dating or being 'in love'. You don't need to be afraid of God's reaction to you being aro. He already knows & lots of his people probably fall into that category.

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On 5/26/2022 at 7:06 PM, Reengo said:

Hi, I've been Christian my whole life and am pretty devout. I'm grey-aromantic.
So far as coming out, I wouldn't until you're pretty well out of your questioning phase and you're sure of yourself. (That's not to say you may not end up questioning again at some point in the future, or adjusting your identity. That's perfectly okay, too.) If you think coming out to your friends might be helpful though, like maybe you think it'd be helpful in figuring things out, then go for it. But I wouldn't come out publicly until you feel fairly, reasonably certain. 
Coming out doesn't have to be a single, one and done, event either. Most will come out multiple times in their life, having to open up to different people. 

Also, something I have tried is not using labels to explain things to some people, if you don't think they'll be accepting of a label. When I came out to my mom as aroace, I just said that I'm not interested in "that kind of thing". I did show her my aro flag, but her reaction just cemented the fact that using labels would have gone in a direction I didn't want it to.

I'm 14. And I am 99% sure I'm not 100% alloromantic (which is basically being a normal person that has crushes, relationships, and all that jazz) but I've brought up the idea that "I don't want marriage later on in life, I don't really want a relationship. Like ever" and everyone I've said that to (which is a lot of people) say it's just a phase. That I'll find someone later on in life. And maybe that's true. I might be overthinking my straight-ness (if that's a thing). I'm open to the idea that I might find someone later in life, but for now I detest the idea of being in a relationship, which is strange because I'm the biggest shipper ever.

On another note, my dad, my sister, pretty much my whole fam is LGBTQ-phobic, or at least don't really support them. My friends are more flexible with that idea, but are still pretty strict christians. And EVERYONE says its just a phase. But I'm also struggling with the fact that I might not be aro-spec and I'm just looking for attention. Maybe I'm just looking for a place where I can belong. Being aro-spec scares me a lot, and I don't even know if I want to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm scared of it, because that's the way I've been brought up. I don't want to be scared, but I am. I'm scared of myself. It might be internalized homophobia. I don't know what's biblically correct because IT DOESN'T SAY IT IN THE BIBLE SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! *sigh* sorry to bother you all, I just needed to rant. You can ignore this. 

 

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Maybe this isn't what you need to hear, I've never been Christian so idk, but your god is supposed to be loving, yeah? So then why would he care if you're aro? If you got a guy out there who would judge you for being aro, sounds like either they're a fake or maybe it's time to find a new religion. Also don't y'all have like, nuns and shit? Seems to me like it can't be that big a deal to not get married. 

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On 6/1/2022 at 11:15 PM, bananananana said:

I'm 14. And I am 99% sure I'm not 100% alloromantic (which is basically being a normal person that has crushes, relationships, and all that jazz) but I've brought up the idea that "I don't want marriage later on in life, I don't really want a relationship. Like ever" and everyone I've said that to (which is a lot of people) say it's just a phase. That I'll find someone later on in life. And maybe that's true. I might be overthinking my straight-ness (if that's a thing). I'm open to the idea that I might find someone later in life, but for now I detest the idea of being in a relationship, which is strange because I'm the biggest shipper ever.

On another note, my dad, my sister, pretty much my whole fam is LGBTQ-phobic, or at least don't really support them. My friends are more flexible with that idea, but are still pretty strict christians. And EVERYONE says its just a phase. But I'm also struggling with the fact that I might not be aro-spec and I'm just looking for attention. Maybe I'm just looking for a place where I can belong. Being aro-spec scares me a lot, and I don't even know if I want to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm scared of it, because that's the way I've been brought up. I don't want to be scared, but I am. I'm scared of myself. It might be internalized homophobia. I don't know what's biblically correct because IT DOESN'T SAY IT IN THE BIBLE SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! *sigh* sorry to bother you all, I just needed to rant. You can ignore this. 

 

What denomination are you? Some believe in "the gift of singleness". In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about marriage, but he also talks about how it's good to be single and he even says that in his opinion he'd prefer that others were as well because marriage can distract one from serving God fully.

In some denominations, singlehood and celibacy is a requirement for certain religious offices.

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I'm christian too! I think that however you tell will still accept you for who you are! just because your christian doesn't mean you can't also be aroflux. :)

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On 6/2/2022 at 11:04 PM, Reengo said:

What denomination are you? Some believe in "the gift of singleness". In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about marriage, but he also talks about how it's good to be single and he even says that in his opinion he'd prefer that others were as well because marriage can distract one from serving God fully.

In some denominations, singlehood and celibacy is a requirement for certain religious offices.

Okay, so this response might become irrelevant later, since my church will no longer be a church on 8/14/22. My denomination is (I think...) the Prespyterian (i spelled that wrong) Church of America. I could be wrong, though. And yes, it does say that. But, and I'm sorry if I'm nitpicking here, but Aromanticism and Asexuality is defined as "feeling little to no romantic/sexual attraction." So where I'm confused is that how am I sort of unable to feel this attraction if God created it for humans? My mom said that God created sex as a holy thing for married couples. But I'm kind of terrified of the idea of doing it myself, or anything remotely close to that. And another part of my struggle is that when I told my dad that I didn't want to ever get married/date/have a romantic relationship, he didn't believe me and seemed dissappointed. That's when I knew I would have to stay in the closet. I'm 99% sure I'm Aroace, but how can I ever come out to the people I care about? My friends have been trying for months now to get me to tell them my "type." It's annoying, but I can't tell them because I'm scared of rejection. But I can't leave them because I know they mean well, and honestly I love them so much. 

On 6/1/2022 at 8:31 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Maybe this isn't what you need to hear, I've never been Christian so idk, but your god is supposed to be loving, yeah? So then why would he care if you're aro? If you got a guy out there who would judge you for being aro, sounds like either they're a fake or maybe it's time to find a new religion. Also don't y'all have like, nuns and shit? Seems to me like it can't be that big a deal to not get married. 

Haha, nuns are a different type of christianity. It's not a big deal, but it's also expected. Everyone in my church expects me to eventually get into a relationship. I don't want that. And for the God being loving part, well... It's complicated. It's not easy to explain and even harder to understand if you're not in the Christian community. I wish I could explain it, but its 8:45 pm and I'm too tired. Also, I can't find a new religion. I still want to be a Christian (and I've been one all my life) and I've never found another religion that I agree with. 

On 5/26/2022 at 9:37 PM, Angrboda said:

I am a nerd who studies the Bible, along with many other topics. Being aro doesn't, in any way, go against the teachings of the Bible. The Apostle Paul, (who wrote more than half of the New Testament, if I remember correctly) was a happily single man, who greatly encouraged others to stay single as well. No part of aro-ness is in conflict with the teachings in any way &, if someone tries to tell you otherwise, point to Paul. Also, keep in mind that, as aros, we can still be very loving & caring people, we're just not 'in love' with people. Look at Jesus! He gave his life out of love, but the Bible never mentions him dating or being 'in love'. You don't need to be afraid of God's reaction to you being aro. He already knows & lots of his people probably fall into that category.

Thank you. I'm not sure if this helps, but I appreciate the thought! <3

On 5/26/2022 at 7:03 PM, merlindfluorite said:

Not a Christian but I just wanted to drop some support, hope you find the help you're looking for 💚

Thank you! <33333

On 6/3/2022 at 5:17 AM, willow- said:

I'm christian too! I think that however you tell will still accept you for who you are! just because your christian doesn't mean you can't also be aroflux. :)

Thank you all for the support!!!

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17 hours ago, bananananana said:

Okay, so this response might become irrelevant later, since my church will no longer be a church on 8/14/22. My denomination is (I think...) the Prespyterian (i spelled that wrong) Church of America. I could be wrong, though. And yes, it does say that. But, and I'm sorry if I'm nitpicking here, but Aromanticism and Asexuality is defined as "feeling little to no romantic/sexual attraction." So where I'm confused is that how am I sort of unable to feel this attraction if God created it for humans? My mom said that God created sex as a holy thing for married couples. But I'm kind of terrified of the idea of doing it myself, or anything remotely close to that. And another part of my struggle is that when I told my dad that I didn't want to ever get married/date/have a romantic relationship, he didn't believe me and seemed dissappointed. That's when I knew I would have to stay in the closet. I'm 99% sure I'm Aroace, but how can I ever come out to the people I care about? My friends have been trying for months now to get me to tell them my "type." It's annoying, but I can't tell them because I'm scared of rejection. But I can't leave them because I know they mean well, and honestly I love them so much. 

Mkay, there's a lot to unpack here. I'm also babysitting my cats while they get used to being around each other, so bear with me.

So, one reason God created reproduction is a way for humans to populate the Earth. There didn't used to be as many humans as there are now. And people won't populate if there's no drive for something pleasurable to bring that on.
Another reason God created marriage, is to mirror our relationship with Christ. The Bible talks about the church body as the bride of Christ, and Christ as the husband. Not every single aspect of it needs to line up for the metaphor to work, so I won't go into the symbolism of sex here haha. (Though some people have found some symbolism there, but I'm not well versed in it and not entirely sure I agree with it all tbh.)

Think of it like this...... God created us with 10 fingers. Some people are born with extra fingers, or with fewer fingers. Just because it's different from how we probably were before the fall of man, doesn't mean it's bad.

Plus, the Earth has billions of people now. We don't need everyone to reproduce.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 6/8/2022 at 2:52 PM, Reengo said:

Mkay, there's a lot to unpack here. I'm also babysitting my cats while they get used to being around each other, so bear with me.

So, one reason God created reproduction is a way for humans to populate the Earth. There didn't used to be as many humans as there are now. And people won't populate if there's no drive for something pleasurable to bring that on.
Another reason God created marriage, is to mirror our relationship with Christ. The Bible talks about the church body as the bride of Christ, and Christ as the husband. Not every single aspect of it needs to line up for the metaphor to work, so I won't go into the symbolism of sex here haha. (Though some people have found some symbolism there, but I'm not well versed in it and not entirely sure I agree with it all tbh.)

Think of it like this...... God created us with 10 fingers. Some people are born with extra fingers, or with fewer fingers. Just because it's different from how we probably were before the fall of man, doesn't mean it's bad.

Plus, the Earth has billions of people now. We don't need everyone to reproduce.

THANK. YOU. SO. FREAKING. MUCH. this helps so much!!! I'm more comfortable with my identity as asexual, because even tho im 14, I cannot ever imagine wanting it. Yes, that may be childish, but I'm pretty sure I'm ace. Aromantic, not so much. Probably because of the community I'm in. But I've only ever come out as aroace to a couple of people. anyhoo, thank you so much. that helps a lot. here, have this:

5d733ad9736b1a3f6ba8736597452173.jpg

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just wanna thank everyone who has commented and helped me on my (albeit very short) journey to discovering and accepting that I'm aroace. I don't plan on coming out of the closet anytime soon, but thank you all! I wish you all a very belated but happy pride month!!!

Much love and thanks, bananananana <3

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