is it possible to fabricate a crush?

[Guest Moss]

in 8th grade I was obsessed with this guy and wanted to be close to him whenever he was near. It was kind of a toxic relationship, we mostly used eachother to vent and repeatedly say i love you with back and forth hearts. Ofc the second we broke up it was a weight lifted and eventually figured out I was a lesbian and now, aromantic. But this whole time i've wondered if i really liked him. I can't understand my previous feelings anymore especially since he was my first and only relationship. I've had crushes, later found out to be friend crushes and squishes. They felt very similar to what I remember being obsessed with him was like at first. I keep saying to myself I've changed and sexuality is fluid, but the question keeps bothering me. So was this crush just subconscious social pressure combined with a curiosity about him, or an actual crush? Is it possible to feel such an intense obsession and have it not be a crush? 

[SkyTuneRein]

I think I had a few of these before. They can be like intense squishes, or like pseudo-crushes where it may feel like a crush, but won't transform into anything more even if it isn't transient. I also had pseudo-crushes which were nothing more than pretend, sorta like what kids do when they tease others about fancying them. I was one of those kids, albeit for a very brief period.

[roboticanary]

not sure.

remember, the language we use here is an attempt to describe the experience to other people. So we might say that something was a crush or that you are in love with someone. But there are far fewer words other people can make sense of than there are experiences. So different people might have a very different set of feelings towards someone but use the word crush to describe it.

I don't know if I would call it social pressure but ask yourself what other term you could have had to describe your experiences other than a crush.

Final thought, how much does it matter? If that was a crush but you did not enjoy the relationship and are now happy in your identity then relax. 

[Ilikecats]

I agree, I have had people who I was obsessed over, but only in a platonic way.  

[A User]

entirely possible.

some time ago, i'd honestly pick the prettiest (and aesthically attractive) guy, moon over him obsessively, and just have a huge interest in what he was doing, all the time.

now that i'm older and more educated, i realize that half of those crushes were me trying to imitate crushes based purely on movie tropes and suchlike, i also would've never dated any of them in hindsight as well

but it is possible you had said crush, or you could've not.

 

language is quite subjective, and from what I know (and according to my research) crushes feel different to everyone. there are elements of similarity, but it's always somewhat of a personal feeling regardless. surprisingly, there are no rules as to how you go about it, it's just feelings

[Harvest-Unity]

Honestly yeah, its a pretty common experience for us.

Although I feel that people get a bit too caught up in the 'crush or fake crush?' debacle, especially when trying to determine whether or not someone is aro. The past is past, people should label themselves based off the hear and now. What is a crush really? Who knows. Like roboticanery said, its quite subjective, people use different words to describe different things.