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is it possible to fabricate a crush?


Guest Moss
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in 8th grade I was obsessed with this guy and wanted to be close to him whenever he was near. It was kind of a toxic relationship, we mostly used eachother to vent and repeatedly say i love you with back and forth hearts. Ofc the second we broke up it was a weight lifted and eventually figured out I was a lesbian and now, aromantic. But this whole time i've wondered if i really liked him. I can't understand my previous feelings anymore especially since he was my first and only relationship. I've had crushes, later found out to be friend crushes and squishes. They felt very similar to what I remember being obsessed with him was like at first. I keep saying to myself I've changed and sexuality is fluid, but the question keeps bothering me. So was this crush just subconscious social pressure combined with a curiosity about him, or an actual crush? Is it possible to feel such an intense obsession and have it not be a crush? 

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I think I had a few of these before. They can be like intense squishes, or like pseudo-crushes where it may feel like a crush, but won't transform into anything more even if it isn't transient. I also had pseudo-crushes which were nothing more than pretend, sorta like what kids do when they tease others about fancying them. I was one of those kids, albeit for a very brief period.

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not sure.

remember, the language we use here is an attempt to describe the experience to other people. So we might say that something was a crush or that you are in love with someone. But there are far fewer words other people can make sense of than there are experiences. So different people might have a very different set of feelings towards someone but use the word crush to describe it.

I don't know if I would call it social pressure but ask yourself what other term you could have had to describe your experiences other than a crush.

Final thought, how much does it matter? If that was a crush but you did not enjoy the relationship and are now happy in your identity then relax. 

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Absolutely, it is entirely possible to fabricate a crush. And obsession with someone is not love either way, nor is it inherently romantic attraction. It's possible it was platonic obsession, and if it was encouraged by others for you to go out with him, that's even more likely to be the case. I've had times where I gaslighted myself into thinking I liked people -- because others thought I should, or I just generally felt the societal pressure to, whilst being uncomfortable the entire time. There's also always the chance you may have just experienced alterous attraction.

Did you ever kiss in a purely romantic sense, or flirt with eachother, and enjoy it? 

I also agree with everything @roboticanary said, sometimes there aren't words to describe your experiences or feelings, it's okay to have felt things that can't be described by any sort of label (even if others insist there are). 

But, in the end, even if it was completely romantic, or you've felt romantic attraction before, I promise that doesn't matter now. You've escaped that toxic situation, grown, and discovered yourself anew in the process. It's okay. :)

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