Repulsed by Emotions? idk

[timidcat]

Sorry if this is a bit off topic at first. Ever since I was a child I've been repulsed by how emotional girls would get about boys. The whole concept of romance just seemed stupid especially from a girl's point of view. For one thing everyone around me always fell in love with jerks and people who would treat them badly. Apparently love turns girls into crying, blubbering messes incapable of moving on with their life. 

 

I always remember thinking: I don't want to be like them. I didn't want to be weighed down by a failed relationship or a crush that will never be more than a crush. I'm glad that I don't feel romantic desire. I don't want any more sadness in my life I mean I'm already sad that I had to leave some friends of mine.

 

What do you guys think? Anyone else dislike romantic relationships for how emotional they are?

[Dodgypotato]

It's a bit scary how emotionally invested people get into romantic relationships. I noticed in highschool that a lot of girls tend to put everything into it, and when it inevitably fails they become a mess. And then go and do it all again. I never got why they did that. To me it just meant you would be stuck eating and holding hands and stuff with this one person for months. Never seemed that fun to me. I never realised they had real 'feelings' for each other, whatever that really means.

 

I kind of understand the idea of wanting to spend/share your life with someone. And starting a family and all that. But the dating part seems so boring. I would get sick of the other person so quickly.

[Midnightrune]

1 hour ago, timidcat said:

...

 

The whole concept of romance just seemed stupid especially from a girl's point of view. For one thing everyone around me always fell in love with jerks and people who would treat them badly. Apparently love turns girls into crying, blubbering messes incapable of moving on with their life. 

 

...

 

What do you guys think? Anyone else dislike romantic relationships for how emotional they are?

 

Same. 

 

I am primarily a rational person (all hail Spock) and I generally don't understand the emotional hype about romance and dating. I remember attempting a "are you in love" quiz in a magazine and simply being unable to comprehend why I, as a person who was hypothetically dating, would have any reason to doubt my hypothetical boyfriend if he told me he was just going to "stay home and play video games".

 

I would disagree that love turns girls into a blubbering mess, since my personal experience with girls in love is not consistent with that statement, although the media tends to portray romance in that way. My very rational friend who is also very much in love did report "being unable to get her girlfriend off her mind". So, less blubbering, but still emotionally compromised.

 

Also, emotions in general are a red flag? I mean I understand that as humans, and not Vulcans, we do need to take our emotions into account, but the moment people make decisions based entirely off emotions (being jealous, trusting, getting together), IMO they're emotionally compromised and asking for trouble.

[UncommonNonsense]

I always thought like this too.  

Based on my parents' marriage, and the marriages of my friends' folks, and eventually my own friends' marriages, females kind of get taken for granted...

Mum did all of the childcare, all of the laundry, all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the gardening, all of the pet care and worked full time as a primary teacher (usually grades 1 or 2, but she's taught every grade from kindergarten to grade 8).  Dad was an engineer full time for work, and at home he mowed the lawn or cleared the snow from the driveway, occasionally hand-washed the cars, and did the odd minor repair project around the house.  To get even that paltry assistance maintaining our home, Mum had to nag Dad constantly, and he griped the entire time.  But *he* was the one who wanted the house to look perfect, so when he brought clients or coworkers home, the house looked impressively immaculate.  Mum was constantly overworked, stressed, tired, and suffering frequent severe migraine headaches.  Almost every fight my parents had was caused by this unfairly divided workload.  As soon as I was old enough, I began to take over some of Mum's chores.

My friends parents were similar to mine in how the household duties were divided.  Mums did by far the greater share of the work, even the two who worked more hours at their jobs than their husbands did.  

When my own friends either began living with their boyfriends or marrying them, that pattern began anew.  While 2 of them have managed to hash out a more even split of the household duties, most of them are basically keeping their homes and families running by themselves or have divorced.

 

With that view of marriage and common-law relationships growing up, is it any wonder I'd have a dim view of that kind of relationship?  Is it any wonder that I'd think any friend who starts talking about marrying or cohabitating is setting herself up for drudgery?  

 

I know that not every relationship ends up with one partner stuck in a life of servitude and the other partner reaping the benefits, especially nowadays, but I still don't understand why so many girls are so enthusiastic about what I can't help but think is the end of their freedom, autonomy, leisure time, and individual identity. 

Im not meaning this as a slam toward guys.  Unequal relationship duties can afflict any gender.  I only ever saw relationships where the female partner ended up being the skivvy, so that is what created my feelings about marriage.  

 

 

[aussiekirkland]

1 hour ago, UncommonNonsense said:

I always thought like this too.  

Based on my parents' marriage, and the marriages of my friends' folks, and eventually my own friends' marriages, females kind of get taken for granted...

Mum did all of the childcare, all of the laundry, all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the gardening, all of the pet care and worked full time as a primary teacher (usually grades 1 or 2, but she's taught every grade from kindergarten to grade 8).  Dad was an engineer full time for work, and at home he mowed the lawn or cleared the snow from the driveway, occasionally hand-washed the cars, and did the odd minor repair project around the house.  To get even that paltry assistance maintaining our home, Mum had to nag Dad constantly, and he griped the entire time.  But *he* was the one who wanted the house to look perfect, so when he brought clients or coworkers home, the house looked impressively immaculate.  Mum was constantly overworked, stressed, tired, and suffering frequent severe migraine headaches.  Almost every fight my parents had was caused by this unfairly divided workload.  As soon as I was old enough, I began to take over some of Mum's chores.

My friends parents were similar to mine in how the household duties were divided.  Mums did by far the greater share of the work, even the two who worked more hours at their jobs than their husbands did.  

When my own friends either began living with their boyfriends or marrying them, that pattern began anew.  While 2 of them have managed to hash out a more even split of the household duties, most of them are basically keeping their homes and families running by themselves or have divorced.

 

With that view of marriage and common-law relationships growing up, is it any wonder I'd have a dim view of that kind of relationship?  Is it any wonder that I'd think any friend who starts talking about marrying or cohabitating is setting herself up for drudgery?  

 

I know that not every relationship ends up with one partner stuck in a life of servitude and the other partner reaping the benefits, especially nowadays, but I still don't understand why so many girls are so enthusiastic about what I can't help but think is the end of their freedom, autonomy, leisure time, and individual identity. 

Im not meaning this as a slam toward guys.  Unequal relationship duties can afflict any gender.  I only ever saw relationships where the female partner ended up being the skivvy, so that is what created my feelings about marriage.  

 

 

This is kind of how my gran described her relationship with my grandpa when he was alive. Actually she always tells me how possessive he was, always controlling what she was doing and where she was going. She's been spending the past 10 years living it up and doing things she knows he would have hated to make up for all those years trapped in an unhealthy  marriage with two kids. She's currently in a healthy relationship and I'm really happy for her. They can lean on each other emotionally depending on who's having a hard time and that's really great.

 

My sister on the other hand is in the exact relationship you described. Though they "love each other very much" and he emotionally supports her, she does everything. He works nights and she's at work all day everyday, yet she comes home and cooks him dinner and is basically his mother. She recently bought a husband chore chart to try and get him to do things!

 

So yeah, more often than not I see relationships like this and I think times have changed, you don't have to treat him like a child...

[UncommonNonsense]

1 hour ago, aussiekirkland said:

This is kind of how my gran described her relationship with my grandpa when he was alive. Actually she always tells me how possessive he was, always controlling what she was doing and where she was going. She's been spending the past 10 years living it up and doing things she knows he would have hated to make up for all those years trapped in an unhealthy  marriage with two kids. She's currently in a healthy relationship and I'm really happy for her. They can lean on each other emotionally depending on who's having a hard time and that's really great.

 

My sister on the other hand is in the exact relationship you described. Though they "love each other very much" and he emotionally supports her, she does everything. He works nights and she's at work all day everyday, yet she comes home and cooks him dinner and is basically his mother. She recently bought a husband chore chart to try and get him to do things!

 

So yeah, more often than not I see relationships like this and I think times have changed, you don't have to treat him like a child...

 

Kudos to your Gran!  My Nan ended up having a late-in-life romance that made her very happy too, after being alone for over 20 years.  While Nan and her beau (somehow I just can't call an 84 year old man 'boyfriend', yaknow?) never lived together in the same apartment, they did live in the same nursing home and their relationship seemed very equal and very healthy... So I'm not against relationships, for those who want them and can make them positive and healthy and fun.  While my Mum, Nan's eldest daughter, wasn't sure how to handle Nan and her paramour, I figured "All the more power to you, Nan and Harry!"

 

Back to the topic... Why do so many women think they have to mother their husbands and boyfriends, treating them like children and doing everything for them?  That would drive me up a wall if someone I was romantically involved with did that to me.  It drives me up a wall when Mum does it to me now, but she at least has the excuse of actually *being* my mother and being elderly... It irritates the hell out of me, but I know she can't help it.  But in a romantic relationship?  Uh-uh!  No way!  Not okay!  Why do women do this and why so men put up with it (beyond not having to lift a finger around the house, anyway).  Does it not make them feel useless?  

 

Maybe I will never understand the habits of the romantically and sexually oriented neurotypical gender-conforming human being.

 

[Rising Sun]

While I don't dislike them for quite the same reason, I definitely can relate. I've seen people taking completely insane and irrational decisions in the name of "love", decisions such as letting their partner abuse them. 

Certainly the same reason as yours after all, now that I think about it... But as a very rational and very emotional person (I don't think that being both is contradictory), as strong as my emotions are (not to say overwhelming, as anxiety disorder and PTSD are part of my life), they never made me forget my rationality and take such crazy decisions in human relationships. I have a bit of trouble understanding how emotions can lead other people to stop thinking for a while.