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Coming out tips



So I’ve been out to myself as aroace  roughly since March 2020 and told one other close friend who’s lesbian. I’ve thought about telling our two other friends as we’re all really close and they were both perfectly fine with her being gay (we also have a suspicion that one friend is questioning). I even came very close to spontaneously telling them recently when we were hanging out. I mentioned that I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush. It went over fairly well with some curiosity, however the discussion ended up turning elsewhere. However, I’m worried about telling them because being aroace is not as common and I’m worried about them not understanding. I’m also worried because the girl who we believe is questioning has been one of my closest friends since I was in elementary school and has seen me “have crushes” on two boys, who I know think I just thought were smart or funny. Basically I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice or tips on how to bring up the topic or what to do? Thanks!! I’m in desperate need.

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I don't really have an advice except "be prepared to answer questions". In particular "but weren't you having crushes before" if someone thought you were. And then explaining you were saying that to fit the norm or because you thought having crushes just meant thinking someone is nice or funny. 

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Guest Seven Ball

I second that what eatingcroutons has said. Making it personal is definitely a good idea. You can always mention the "aromantic" label later, if you feel like it.

Also, one thing I advice is that you first do some soul-searching, if you haven't already. I.e. try to really understand yourself and think deep about your true feelings, your true inner self. And if there's still a part inside you that you don't seem to have really figured out, try to figure it out. It's a lot better to come out if you are certain about yourself and your feelings. It's also good for your self-confidence and it helps you to answer question. If you are still unsure, continue reading on about sexual and romantic orientation ... or ask the forum again. :D If you have happy feelings when you think about your orientation, then you probably got it right! :D

Don't talk about your orientation as if it were a confession, because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Talk instead about how you feel about it, what it's like.

That having said, a good friend should always accept you for who you are, even if you are still in a confused/questioning state, nervous. A good friend should be on your side when you have emotional difficulties, otherwise they're not really a good friend. They should also accept you if you later figure out a new aspect of your orientation. The sexual and romantic orientations are something very deep about one's life, it's something innate.

If you fear rejection, think about what you could potentially lose: Well, in your case, you would lose a bigoted false friend (if they really rejected you only cuz your orientation). Well, it's better that way anyway.

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