Would coming out change anything?

[Guest Currently Existing]

So I don’t know how to start this off-

When I found out I was aromantic I felt so happy, like I found a part of me that was missing. I don’t think about coming out a lot, but sometimes I don’t know if it would change anything.

I’ve come out to my two closest friends ( Who know what being aromantic is and are part of the LGBTQ+ community ) and after that I think I felt happy? I can’t remember that much. I’m not sure if it changes anything other than just.. I don’t know how to explain it. We never really talk about anything like love and stuff so the most we do is make a few jokes. The reason it was so easy to come out to them though is because they actually knew what being aromantic is, and my family dosent.

because my family doesn’t know what being aromantic is, I don’t know how to bring it up. Would it even matter if I brought it up? Would It make me feel happier? Like, what would change if I came out? One part of me wants to but the other part of me just doesn’t know how.

[vinniebandit]

Perhaps you should approach the situation indirectly, like, "you know, I hear that some people never fall in love" or something like that, and see the reactions.

[Hellishfish]

I agree with vinniebandit. Before telling them that you are aromantic ensure that they know what being aromantic means. It will prevent any misunderstandings, or at least it will give them a good opportunity to ask questions. 

[roboticanary]

Agreed as well, also it might be worth checking out their feelings about things more tangentially related to aromanticism, perhaps finding out what they think of someone you know currently living single (if they seem comfortable with the idea of them being happy, good sign. If their thoughts are that that sort of person needs to find a partner, probably best to not out yourself for a while). 

Not that you have to live alone to be aromantic, but it is a good guage of peoples attitude.

[Sukii]

I agree with the others. Testing the waters first is important.

In my case, coming out was definitely worht it. I put it off for at least three years, thinking that it wouldn't make a difference (I used to think: if a were gay I would have to come out, but since I won't be bringing a girlfriend home there's no need to confuse them with unfamiliar terms). However, when I finally came out (basically because my parents asked me directly about my sexual orientation since it was becoming pretty obvious that I wasn't straight), I realised that it did.

If you're not the kind of person who likes to talk about LGBT stuff maybe it woudn't make such a difference to you. But I love discussing such topics and ever since I came out I feel much more comfortable talking about it both with my familily and my friends. I can also make "aro" jokes and comments whenever I feel like it, without having to worry. The best thing, however, is not feeling anymore this expectation of a future partner and family looming over me. Like, now they know I have no interest in finding a partner and that they shouldn't count on me having kids. And this is sooo liberating!

My advise is, if there is at least a part of you that wants to come out to your family and you think they will react in a positive and accepting way, do it. Because I think there is going to be a difference, even if it's only a small one.

As for how to do it, I guess you'll have to figure it out yourself, every family is different. But here's an idea:

Perhaps you could explain how you feel without using the word aromantic (for example: I've realised that I don't get crushes, I don't fall in love... And romance isn't something I want for myself). And then, when they get confused and worried (because amatonormativity will probably make them think that not having a partner equals unhappiness), you tell them that it's a thing, that there are other people like you, and that there's even a word for it: aromantic. And maybe then you could proceed with a more in depth exaplanation of the identity (that's what I did).
 

Hope this helps!