Guest wonderer Posted March 19, 2021 Share Posted March 19, 2021 I have a friend, aro and ace. He has always been aro and ace, and has never had any sexual or romantic experience and repulses the idea. He has never had any QPR either. We see each other 3-4 times a week and chat all the time. Whenever there is something new in life or something happens, he will text me. He treats me really nicely (within his boandaries). We hike together and travel together. We go out, to friend and parties and dinner. He asks me to come along to shop his clothes. I am his number one option for most activities, except the ones his is doing with old group of friends. He is physically closer to me than anybody else (including his family), but still than means a minimum 70 cm between us. He gives intensive attention to me whenever we are in company of friends (this would mean that he look at me very insentively, is really caring about my wellbeing, pays compliments about my looks etc). Everybody else calls it flirting, but I know better. He does that just in company, never when we are alone. He is my joy, I feel happy whenever I meet him and delighted whenever he texts me. I myself am a polypansexual demiromantic and I have a partner I live with and one other mostly sexual relationship. I could have other type of dates also, but there seems not to be space in my life or in my emotions mostly because of my friend. The three of us often spend the time together and there is no problem there, my partner likes him and they might occationally even do something without me (like play computer games). There is a clear difference in my friend behavior towards me when my partner is a around, he keeps more distance and avoids "intensive attention" - this is obvious to our other friends also. I would think it is becouse he want´s to be considerate towards my partner. And then the but. I (think I) have figured out my feelings and they are some mix of friendship and emotional devotion with a hint of romantic feelings with no so much need to act on them. I would like to touch him, though. Not kissing or anything, just to touch him somehow sometimes, but he can't take it, not even a hand on a shoulder. If I do that, he steps back. I can´t help the feeling of abandonment when he does that. We cannot talk about our relationship. We can and do talk about everything else. But not that. If I try to even hint about it, he lokcs down. For me it would be important to talk about this, to share my emotions, to know how he consideres our relationship or his feelings. I would like to talk about the possibility of physical contact. I have tried to link him about queerplatonic relationships, squish, avoidance issues etc. but he never responses. I have even asked directly, but he changes the topic. Always. I have said that it would be important for me to talk about it. He says there is nothing to talk about, I am one of his friends. I feel sad about this lack of communication and cannot understand it. If I "push" him, meaning that I ask about this type of things etc. he stops the communication for days. And then returns and chats about something "safe" like hey, have you seen this film. Do you guys have any experience on this type of issue? What is the problem? How could I proseed or should I? What one we do, when talking is not an option? Is there something I do wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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