vent

[arohoneybee]

cw: talk of depression & internalized arophobia 

I don’t know if this is the right topic to write under, but it was my best guess.

I just started crying because I saw a TikTok of someone simply making hot chocolate, but for some reason, it made me think about how I’ll never have someone to make hot chocolate for, if that makes sense?

Ever since I was a small child I had been fed stories from movies and books and tv shows which all made it seem like being in love and getting married and just having a romantic relationship in general was the key to true happiness, and, since I can’t feel romantic love, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever truly be happy.

I used to have fantasies, especially in my early teens when my depression started, that I would meet a boy and he would make everything better. Finding out I was aro was like a death sentence. 

I know, logically, that a romantic partner would not pull me out of my depression, and that even if I wasn’t aro, entering into a relationship with my mental state would not be healthy.

Sometimes I still wonder if it would make life easier, though. 

Does anyone else feel like that? If so, do you have any advice on overcoming it?

Edited October 14, 2020 by arohoneybee
fixing typos

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I'll drink your hot chocolate. Gimme gimme ?

[Holmbo]

I think it's very normal. I've not had that experience myself but I've had other related ones. For example I sometimes feel lost in my life, like I'm fumbling around in a fog, and then I think if only I was allo I'd just follow the allo script of marriage and children and I wouldn't have to think about it is as much. Even though I know that's not actually true.

[Guest Art]

I hate that I was made this way right now. Usually I’m really proud but I’m really upset I can’t love one of my best friends the way they want. I love them with all my heart and it truly breaks me to know I’m half of why they’re depressed. I hate how it feel I’m leading them on just by being their friend without even meaning to and it absolutely sucks. 

[Holmbo]

14 hours ago, Guest Art said:

I hate that I was made this way right now. Usually I’m really proud but I’m really upset I can’t love one of my best friends the way they want. I love them with all my heart and it truly breaks me to know I’m half of why they’re depressed. I hate how it feel I’m leading them on just by being their friend without even meaning to and it absolutely sucks. 

That sucks, I'm sorry.

If it helps you could consider that your friend also can not love you the way you want, non romantically, and it makes you feel bad. We always view romantic love as somehow more than platonic, but why couldn't you as well be sad about being put in the room zone? No one is to blame here.

[SwiftySpeedy]

On 10/13/2020 at 8:29 PM, arohoneybee said:

I just started crying because I saw a TikTok of someone simply making hot chocolate, but for some reason, it made me think about how I’ll never have someone to make hot chocolate for, if that makes sense?

Nahhhh who the hell cares, Give it to a friend, a neighbor or just give the hot chocolate to yourself like a little steaming chocolatey gift.

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

Nahhhh who the hell cares, Give it to a friend, a neighbor or just give the hot chocolate to yourself like a little steaming chocolatey gift.

There’s always people to be kind to, it doesn’t have to be just a partner. Besides there’s no saying that you can’t have a partner. It just doesn’t have to be a romantic one.