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Bad Things

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Hey, everyone!
F22, cis, aro and not sure about my sexuality (struggle with it for 2 years, think that I am bi with leaning towards men). But I think I will discover it more, because now I truly separate romance and sexual relationships.

Just discovered this week that I am aro. I did't even know there was such a thing (even though I knew that ace exists). But as soon as I visited r/aromantic (much thanks to u/Finn_Finite for his answer in r/relationships), and scrolled some FAQ and posts I had this "click": "shit this is me af. So I am not broken". For the next hour I was smiling. Scrolling sub and smiling. From that moment everything is making sense.

In my early teens I had forced crash to my classmate, who for real looked like Benedict Cumberbatch. I mean, how could I not? :D But he was a jerk, and thanks that I always put logic beyond feelings I just struggled a little without any connections to him. And for a long time I felt strange that even then I didn't want to date him. I mean kissing, cuddling? As 14y/u teens? Lol what? ILY confessions on such early age?

So in my 16 or so I discover that I also have daddy issues. Then it was an answer to most of my lack of feelings: "I want a father figure that is why I don't fell into anyone around me, due they are all immature", "I need to deal with father issues and try to find some boy my age and go on a date with him and I will be normal then". This is definitely still open issue, but now it is not "magical super-answer to all my struggle".

Also I had this long-term online friend. We played together for shit, long long time. I think from my 12 (he was 16 then) to my 18, when he confessed he loved me. I felt trapped when he said ily. And every time when he mentioned it, i just ignored it. I felt guilty, I couldn't say ily back due I not even sure what love is. I never felt it. Every feeling I had was platonic with different intense. I always felt about him (and still do) like the best friend I can have to spend time playing with, but he had some opinions that I definitely was not okay with (he is homophobic and has really aggressive view on rest of the word (non-ru)). Tldr, with this experience I am sure I am not demi-romantic or grey-romantic, so less confusion on which label I should put on myself.

Also, now I am completely okay that I never had sexual partner in my life. I live in a society that forbids sex in non-romantic ships. So I always thought that I need to fit in it, and made myself those boundaries. Now i am freaking free of them! This was the worst struggle of all, gosh it is good to finally be okay with it.

And the best benefit of finding that I am aro - I finally not afraid of being involved in close relationships. I don't know how, but I will find a way to find someone who will be ok with non-romantic/qpr. Any advises on that will be appreciated

My first forum ever, and I love it! This is incredible to know you are not alone in this word.

P.s. just in case - sorry for poor grammar. Stopped using translator for self-check 

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Welcome!! I'm so glad you found the community and that it makes you feel welcome and accepted! 

I totally get what you mean about feeling trapped when people say "I love you". The first guy I dated said it all the time and I never felt comfortable saying it to him (I think because he was kind of a jerk in the end, ha.) And then when I had a girlfriend, even though I really did like their company and liked them as a person, I still felt weird when they said "I love you" and I struggled to say it back. It's hard!

Hope to see you around the forums! 

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On 8/29/2020 at 1:10 PM, Bad Things said:

F22, cis, aro

same ✌️

i'm glad you found the term and community, it is a relief, isn't it?

and the whole thing about sex being associated with romance, yeah, it's so great when you're comfortable with your orientation and can be comfortable going into a sexual experience knowing it's just what you want.  back when i was dating my ex and kind of in denial about being aro, it made everything complicated--stuff i'd normally enjoy, like hanging out and making out with him, but when it's romantic for him, it's uncomfortable for me.

you're totally not alone and i'm glad you like it here.  

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