F22, cis, aro and not sure about my sexuality (struggle with it for 2 years, think that I am bi with leaning towards men). But I think I will discover it more, because now I truly separate romance and sexual relationships.
Just discovered this week that I am aro. I did't even know there was such a thing (even though I knew that ace exists). But as soon as I visited r/aromantic (much thanks to u/Finn_Finite for his answer in r/relationships), and scrolled some FAQ and posts I had this "click": "shit this is me af. So I am not broken". For the next hour I was smiling. Scrolling sub and smiling. From that moment everything is making sense.
In my early teens I had forced crash to my classmate, who for real looked like Benedict Cumberbatch. I mean, how could I not? But he was a jerk, and thanks that I always put logic beyond feelings I just struggled a little without any connections to him. And for a long time I felt strange that even then I didn't want to date him. I mean kissing, cuddling? As 14y/u teens? Lol what? ILY confessions on such early age?
So in my 16 or so I discover that I also have daddy issues. Then it was an answer to most of my lack of feelings: "I want a father figure that is why I don't fell into anyone around me, due they are all immature", "I need to deal with father issues and try to find some boy my age and go on a date with him and I will be normal then". This is definitely still open issue, but now it is not "magical super-answer to all my struggle".
Also I had this long-term online friend. We played together for shit, long long time. I think from my 12 (he was 16 then) to my 18, when he confessed he loved me. I felt trapped when he said ily. And every time when he mentioned it, i just ignored it. I felt guilty, I couldn't say ily back due I not even sure what love is. I never felt it. Every feeling I had was platonic with different intense. I always felt about him (and still do) like the best friend I can have to spend time playing with, but he had some opinions that I definitely was not okay with (he is homophobic and has really aggressive view on rest of the word (non-ru)). Tldr, with this experience I am sure I am not demi-romantic or grey-romantic, so less confusion on which label I should put on myself.
Also, now I am completely okay that I never had sexual partner in my life. I live in a society that forbids sex in non-romantic ships. So I always thought that I need to fit in it, and made myself those boundaries. Now i am freaking free of them! This was the worst struggle of all, gosh it is good to finally be okay with it.
And the best benefit of finding that I am aro - I finally not afraid of being involved in close relationships. I don't know how, but I will find a way to find someone who will be ok with non-romantic/qpr. Any advises on that will be appreciated
My first forum ever, and I love it! This is incredible to know you are not alone in this word.
P.s. just in case - sorry for poor grammar. Stopped using translator for self-check