ObliviousPineapple Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 I don't know what percentage of people on here have heard of FYA, and frankly I don't know much about them myself (I had followed them on tumblr for about 6 hours before the whole thing that's the main point of this post and I'll hopefully actually get to eventually). FYA is a large asexual positivity blog on tumblr (actually called fuckyeahasexual but that's way too long to write out a gajillion times). Apparently they have a history of arophobia but I wasn't following until very recently so I can only speak for what just happened. Basically what happened is that they posted something that was blatantly targeting aroallos and yeah... not good. I'll copy-paste it here (can't link because they deleted it to try to cover it up): I have some thoughts and they aren’t the best thoughts but it hurts to silently sit with them for so long. All I request is that these thoughts are considered what they are: incomplete half ideas half worries that I think could help our communities but emotion may be blocking the best way to word them. I worry about how allo is used in aro spaces. It was never really meant to be directed towards any a-spec person. Aro Allo is used fairly commonly in aro spaces and this isn’t to scold the useage, I just worry if that’s a term that is empowering, most specifically on an individual scale. Allo was meant to be the stand in for “not an aspec identity” I’ve seen alloromantic allosexual people use it to set themselves up as specifically anti-ace, and allowed it to feed into their own sex negativity. It was never intended to be a replacement for the pride of your own sexuality. Just like how cis was not intended as a gender replacement. Of course, as an aro, if it is empowering or you feel like the etymology of how you are using it is better by all means. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen it discussed that aros don’t have to use even if they aren’t ace, especially when not discussing asexuality. (Think how kind of odd it is for a cis woman to go on about being cis when not addressing trans things.) I’ve seen allo used agaisnt aros and aces for being demi or grey which is why for aces who aren’t aro spec I try to use romantic ace. Because then it feels less like your own words used agaisnt you. ￼I also think the aro community can feel it’s larger connection to other communities by focusing on the things they actively have pride in. Which brings me to thought two. There’s no popularized term for a-specs who do not use the spilit attraction model. And because there’s no good term a-specs, who by definition both, but only use one word are in an odd often painful limbo. At times people see one label, and assume they aren’t the other. I don’t believe we should assume other people’s labels like that, but I understand why it happens. And I don’t think coining a new term for the person is the right move here, but maybe if there was a word for the phenomenon itself it might allow us to better linguistically build a bridge to better discuss it. Maybe “linked a-spec”? Which brings me to my last thought. History wise “aromantic” as a term dates back to 2002. And first appeared on an Asexual forum. This is not to say the aromantic community started in 2002. For a long time it was linked to asexual or linked to that persons sexuality label if not asexual. I think as a community aros don’t feel like they have much because they can’t carbon date themselves by word as far back as sexuality focused labels. And I think the desired utter separation from “ace history” often robs aros of their own history. I think it makes people feel like asexual is always the focus. Aros don’t owe the ace community anything, aros we’re always a part of its community. You can’t steal from yourself, in reality it’s like taking 5 dollars from your left pocket and putting it in your right pocket. It’s always been your five dollars. And I know there’s tons of grey aros aces who have wildly varied mileage to which community is more accepting to them. Which I feel is a truly heartbreaking problem because it causes, even a-specs who use both labels, to often still feel pulled part instead of the inherent oneness their identity more feels like. If I had to make a visual metaphor I’d describe the two communities as a binary star system. Two things that can be viewed on their own, but their gravity effects each other. And for one astronomer living and viewing that bright beautiful thing it may look like a single star. And for others there may be more light between them. So yeah, that really did not help anything at all, it really hurt my mental health and sense of self-worth (something I'd only just gotten to a decent place with). Thoughts? 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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