Mental Big Brother

[Guest Junstin Case]

Do you ever think/imagine while in your intimate moments with loved ones, friends, etc as if you had an audience of 1 million people watching you? As if you were on big brother?

[John Rando]

nope

 

but I might now

[Queasy_Attention]

Aah, you put it into words! I was always so uncomfortable whenever I was out with my partners-- my first relationship, I constantly felt like this whenever I was out somewhere with him, like we were on display As A Couple and I had to act right, and I had no idea what to do. My second relationship was mostly long distance, which suited me better, but whenever we met up in person I also felt that strange pressure like I was supposed to act or feel a certain way, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Bluuughhh.

[roboticanary]

Not quite a million people, but I do get that idea of my life in some way being recorded. what would happen if people see me is a question I often ask myself. I think of a sort of second voice reporting on large chunks of my life.

[boba]

I do. But less now.

I've thought about what other people would think if they saw me doing something, constantly wondering if what I'm doing is ok or good enough? Or like, if I'm holding hands with a friend, I'd wonder what my other friends would say. Would they think it's weird?

I've learned that the people I'm scared of tend to appear the most often, and that's pretty indicative of 2 things. (1) it really shows how much I care about what other people think. and (2) it shows that I think their opinion of me would be swayed if I truly behaved how I wanted to behave. I've realised that the people that I trust the most, or the people that are healthiest for me, typically aren't the faces that show up in my mind as I wonder "Is this ok? What would they think if they saw me now? Would they laugh? Sneer?" 

But I do think it gets better with confidence, assurance, and time!