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John Rando

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About John Rando

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  • Orientation
    lithromantic, lithsexual and aplatonic
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    I don't care
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  1. I like to look at my lithromanticism as a balance of allo and aro benefits, such as having the time to watch some movies because you don't loose time with bf/gf bullshit while still understanding the actual intended plot of said movie before the characters kiss.
  2. Hey, I feelt the same. I gradually figured out I was aro (not knowing the term though) when i was teenager and felt kind of relieved because it meant I could live without the many worries of allos. Discovering the aro community gave me the knowledge that I wasn't alone and that it was worth changing the society because all the life opportunities that I lost because of amatonormativity were not lost only for me.
  3. Here is my submission for the aromantic create pride


    It's made with GIMP and 100% drawn by hand (by touchpad actually:P) using a hearth infography as a guide.

    I hope you like it.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. aspecofstardust


      The detail work and textures are incredible! Well done. I love the steam-punk vibes, and the idea of a somewhat robotic heart. Feels very voidpunk, like the reason for the aromanticism is because of the metal heart. Thanks for sharing!

    3. TrueGoon


      This is a beautiful work of art. I appreciate the detail on the heart, and the smoke especially caught my eye. For the symbolism, I really liked it. Another thing I noticed was the contrast between two different hearts displayed in the artpiece. The larger one, representing aromanticism, is more realistic, while the small arrowhead-like heart was almost a “romanticized” version of one. The mechanical aspect of the former heart proved to be unpiercable by an arrow of romance. The way you put it, it made me as an aro feel strong. 

    4. Autumn


      This is a lovely piece of art! The metal and smoke give off such a distinct vibe, and the attention to detail is fantastic. The colors are great too, the foreground is bright and vivid while the background is a tad more faded.

  4. More and more, some old people are collectively buying some buildings in order to each have a flat and sometimes communal part such as a shared guest room or things like that. Then they medicalise the building and collectively hire some geriatric nurses to take care of them. It works well for couples and for singles. So, there are many way to not die alone without finding "the one" or being in a QPR. Old people have the right to have friends. And just for the sake of argument, a little less of half of alloromantic people in couple die alone anyway because they don't die at the same time... Most people will probably die alone (or in a medical institution).
  5. Or maybe it's just because the historical struggles and coalitions of people made it that way. And maybe we should just let the first concerned people choose their label instead of imposing a new one just because you decided unprompted that community building history don't matter anymore.
  6. Sorry, it was not meant as an accusation or something. It was to say that the following quote didn't make much sense to me since if you have a relationship based purely on affinity compared to a relationship based purely on feelings, these are just two uncomparable things. I couldn't say which one is the other but with something more. To use other words, for me the two relationship are orthogonal. The second answer adressed the cases where relationship are both romantic and platonic (based on attraction or not) Sadly, even if a few people are genuinly anti-amatonormativity, we expect amatonarmativity to be a given, so unless we choose our words wisely, we see societal norms acknowleged everytime they are not expessly ruled out. When we say "more than a friend" instead of "a friend and lover", we allow the others not to think about it and stay in the confort (or disconfort, depending on the audience) of amatonormative assumptions if they want to.
  7. To play devil's satan*, first you don't need platonic attraction to have friends. Second, It would makes total sense to me to say "more than friends" when you mean "the relationship I have with them is based on romantic attraction in addition to the platonic one" (not all romantic relationship are like that). But most people would understand it as "this relationship counts more in the absolute relationship hierarchy because ... amatonormativity !", and that doesn't make any iherent sense, regardless of your orientation. And third, serendipity and the gray area of the aro spectrum make that some aplatonics having a romantic orientation are already inside the aro community and the civil war has not happened yet. * satan = prosecutor Why though ? If I don't have obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to maintain a relationship (aka limerence) for my parents am I a sociopath ? Because freudian pseudopsychologist could argue the exact opposite (and still agree with you at the same time^^). You don't need to emotionally love your parents to be part of a healthy and mutually enjoyable parent/children relationship. And you can hate totally your parents or be indifferent to them and still be a healthy person (a lot of parents are ******).
  8. Well, there is a lot of room in the gray area of the aro and ace spectrums. As a lithromantic I couldn't say if I'm more alloromantic (since I have crushes) or more aromantic (since I don't desire romantic relationship at all). But honnestly, I don't care, because the important thing it means for my life is that I don't date nor intend to. And that is not what normative alloromantics are supposed to do. And by the way there are a people that identify as hetero-oriented aroaces, either because of sexual, romantic, platonic, alterous, aesthetic or undetermined attraction or desire or because of what they do or daydream to. So anything goes and everyone is valid ! I do experience aesthetic attraction more often for women than men. But I have romantic and sexual attraction for this gender, so probably not helpfull.
  9. Sorry to bring this about, but as we are already in the meta discussion ... May I suggest that we open two fresh topics about a-spec and agenders and about a-aspec and apls, because it seem that arguments tends to differ sometimes between the two. It could also help to not push away new readers that would not like to read 4 pages of segmented, with inconsistant subjects and definitions and quite a few personnal arguments and maybe restart the conversation in a little more discursive way.
  10. If that makes them unable to be in such a relationship and as such potentially discriminated against, then yes, they are aro (I wouldn't like masculinists coming here like a swarm though). But, the thing is romance is not just about expressing feelings and gifting flowers. Even the most irredeamable masculinists value things like weddings, fidelity (not only in a sexual way), raising children with their loved ones, protecting their wife like cavemens and things like that. In a masculinist mindset romance is very important to express their true masculine self. Girly romance is for girls and Mascu romance is for boys they could say. No romance at all makes you less of a man(TM). Nuns are not suposed to not feel sexual and romantic attraction (although some of them do, of course) because this is about dedication to god. It's a sacrifice. And as such "I will not offer sacrifices to the Lord my God that cost me nothing" 2 Sam 24:24. Haha, what an anarchist way of arguing isn't it ? But anyway, the aro comunity is not filled with nuns and toxic mascs because this is a comunity for those who feel they need it. They dont. And some demi/grey and cupio certainly do. I do.
  11. That's not what I meant. Aplatonicism is making you asocial as much as aromanticism does. There are some social interactions that you "cannot put on autopilot". You can be aromantic and have romantic relationships. You can be aplatonic and have some platonic relationships. Not all friendships are based on platonic attraction but alloplatonics usually have some relationship that are based on platonic attraction. I don't. If you form your bonds based on affinity rather than platonic attraction (like you are both fond of physics), then the friendship is not the same as it were based on platonic attraction (I they move town or stop liking physics, there is no frienship interest anymore). So it can have an impact on your social life. The impact is not the same for everyone and sometimes you can not even notice it, but in some cases, it can change a lot. My life would certainly be different if I had platonic attraction. Maybe I would not be a nerd or maybe I would love waged work or maybe I would not be agender or maybe I would not be anarchist, or maybe I would not be lithromantic/lithsexual... or maybe it's the otherway around or a comon cause, but my life and personality would be different for sure. Well it is often regarded as a neutral trait partly because it's not a visible one. And it is often said thant closet is not a privilege. To give an exemple I come out as aroace almost everytime were it is relevant to the conversation both to friends and strangers. But I never dared to come out as aplatonic outside of arocalypse because I fear a lot that it would impact my relationship with some of them if I tell them that "I like very much spend some time with you and I would cross half the country on one foot for you if you were in trouble, but if you moved out of my life, I would just go on with my life like you never existed ".
  12. Yeah, and presumably you'd have an answer for them based on something more than hypotheticals, right? In this case, the basic argument I would make to answer this would be : "Look, I just don't fall in love* and you just don't crave about sex*, ok, whatever. But in this society, whether we want it or not, it is more than that, because this is something society is not expecting us lacking. And bigottry decides that unexpected is bad. And normal non-biggoted people have trouble relating to us because of it. And so we are facing difficulties in our relationships and social prejudices. So it would be nice if we recognised that we have a common interest in taking this problems down [1] and I belive that together we can do it better than as separated community in some cases [2], so are you in ? If not, that's ok." You can disagree with [1] and/or [2] so I'm not expecting everybody to think that sharing something, not that well defined, called "aspec" between aros and aces is relevant. And some don't. I also know gays that don't think queer is a relevant concept to them either. And they have the right to think so, because this is somewhat about strategy, so individual relativism logically rules. I hope we agree that aromanticism, asexuality and aplatonicism are (not) felt in the same way. If not we can talk about that. But if that's the case, then you can use the same argument for people that just don't love their friends*. And I think some of them would likely answer "yes". But I don't have an allo apl comunity on this forum to prove my case. * not very good descriptions of aro, ace and apl according to me...
  13. This test is so frustrating. You are supposed to pick answers to questions and the answers are not mutually exclusives most of the time. You can't answer "None" or "Both" you are just conflated with "neutral about it". But anyway, INTP too. Question : are INTX personalities overrepresented here because of our comon experience as aro or just because it's an internet forum about a niche subject requiring introspection to sort out ?
  14. In this case, this allo that "just don't love his friends" would certainly not like to be forced any "aspec" label onto him. But if this person have other traits such as some kind of neuro-divergence or social awkwardness or anything that prevent him to have the "official" love relationship (according to the idea that platonic bonds plays a role in many sexual and or romantic relationship), he may start to consider it. To me, there are some bridges that can be made between my aroace identity and aplatonic identity. When I tell people that I spent 2 month alone during the quarantine and that it was fine, I have almost the same reactions than if I say that I never dated anyone in my 26 years long life and that it is fine. By contrast it would be different reactions if I said that I only dated mens or if I came out as a woman. Thats not the same kind of queerness. Other exemple : platonic dynamics plays a role in gender socialization, take as exemple male groups that are expected to behave kinda like a wolf pack, if you are not part of the pack, your experience to masculinity is different. That's not to say that aplatonics always are gender misfits but it can change your gender experience. Hence some links with agender folks for certain aplatonics. I believe that there is no need to talk here about the links between gender construction and romance and sex. And for some allo aces and some allo aros there is no common experience between their allo aromanticism and their allo asexuality so maybe being part of something called "aspec" is not very relevant to them. And I can see that there are already many words that exists to talk about common interrest with other minorities (LGBTIAA+, MOGAI, Queer,...). All of this to say that the blurness of the border of "aspec" could play the same role as the blurness of "grayromantic". I don't care if some grayro are not "really aros" according to a arbitrary line since it's a concept that helps them and all of the aro comunity to better reflexions.
  15. Positive framing of police brutality taken too far, but it's nice to have aspec representation as a main character who find fullfilment in something else than sex or romance.
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