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John Rando

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About John Rando

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    lithromantic, lithsexual and aplatonic
  • Gender
    demiboy
  • Pronouns
    I don't care
  • Location
    France
  • Occupation
    anarchist

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  1. Of course it's okay, you came at the perfect place for answers to your questions. And finding out your "label" isn't even mandatory if you decide it's not relevant to you. Have some ice cream !
  2. I'd like a multi-planar quantic house to live with some friends and to all be able to have the house all for ourselves and share it at the same time (but with separate bedrooms). Maybe I should just move in into the submachine... Anyway, I like squatting because no rent and freedom to do anything without a landlord having relevant complains. But good friends and privacy are nice too. It's sometimes complicatted to manage the 3 at the same time.
  3. Sound definetely like love sympthoms to me (or maybe hatred or panic terror, but given the context...). Is it platonic, alterous or romantic love though ? I couldn't say with what you gave us here, but as said before, who cares ? Happy for you.
  4. I choosed "Open to monogamous relationships, but would prefer non-monogamous relationships" but, actually, I just do not really feel a urge do date at all. Nevertheless, if I ever romantically/sexually date, it would be someone that would be a trusted friend and that would not require me to have cuddles, romance or sex for the relationship to exist (since I'm not sure I would be okay with it). I think those criterias are harder to find with a monogamous allo (which are the majority of my potential dating pool), since monogamy often comes wit the assuption that every "needs" must be fulfilled by the partner. So I guess my chances of starting a relationship are higher with a poly allo that could find what she lacks outside of the relationship. I guess that would be reassuring for me about the strenght of the relationship as well for the same reason (being aspec is weird isn't it ?). Beside that, I'm not really into creating constraining agreements with others, so I wouldn't push for monogamy even if I were worried of loosing her by letting her do whatever she likes. I passed my mid 20's without ever considering dating any of my crushes, so even if a poly relationship happened to me, chances are that it would be a monogamous relationship from my side anyway.
  5. To be relationsip anarchy it must be applied to every kind of relationship (platonic, affinity relationship, colleagues, familly, etc...) (and if it it can feel to be a too wide scopes, that's just because anarchy is by definition a anti-authoritarian totalitarian ideology, so it applies everywhere) If I had to coin a word for that, I think I would go for "amatoneutrality". As @Qim said, there is no such thing as anti-amatonormativity as a system, but sometimes, amatonormativity can be overlooked in some particular situations within the amatonormative society ; hence "neutrality" as in "gender-neutral pronouns".
  6. I got 58% aromantic and assexual and 17% not aromantic but the proposed answers were not very lith-friendly. I still do not understand how I can have such a high score while still having sexual and romantic attraction. Maybe using material relationships isn't the best way to diagnose a lack of attraction ...
  7. What do you mean by opposite of amatonormativity ? Is it a societal norm that whould state that monogamous relationship are inherently bad ? Is it something more about not having a prejudice against not having monongamous relationship ? Because relationship anarchy is neiter (but widely encompass the second). Relationsip anarchy is treating relationship according to anarchist principles (even if the term have been recently massively reclaimed by many non anarchists). That roughly means trying to : not prioritize any relationship over another based on external criterias (such as amatonormativity) not prioritize relationships over what you want in life beside them avoid things that could constrain you or your partners in something they don't want in the relationship (including sex, romance, friendship, monogamy, polygamy, bed sharing, comitment, etc.)
  8. I once met a new woman in the anarchist squat scene and we had several nice conversations about politics, sociology and stuffs with some friends. Once she said that she liked those conversations and that we should talk like that again some times. Then at a party she asked my number saying that she "would like to know me better" and that it would be nice if I called her to meet once. At that time, obviously, I thought it was to discuss about politics and stuffs. So, I called her two days latter, and I found her quite weird, as she seem strangelly overenthousiastic about my call. We set an appointment at an anarchist canteen I'm part of and that was near her workplace. At that point I thought about the weird conversation again and concluded that there was 4 possible thing that could explain this situation (in order of probability and interest to me) : She is likes me and would like to be friend with me She trusts me and would like to discuss about an affinity secret project She likes me and would like to date me She is an undercover cop and want to extract informations from me It turns out that she couldn't come finally but we met during a demonstration a few days latter. She was kinda weird and laughed a lot when we started to talk. Then after we exchanged a few words, seemingly out of the blue she said that she wanted to let me know that she was polyamorous, like if this was very important to tell me that at this moment. Hummm... Option 3 it is then Crap... Then I said I was aromantic and she asked what that means because she was romantically interested in me. I explained and apologized to have misunderstood her. Then she said we should talk about this some other time and went to see a friend of her. We never actually talked about it later. Fun fact, this is the only person I'm 100% sure that they were interested in me romantically and/or sexually even if I'm in the second half of my 20's. Why aren't people more explicit about that kind of stuffs with me, . It's so confusing. _______________ Same for me. I loved the Originals though.
  9. I casually came out as lithromantic to my parents and brothers (three times for my mom as she dismissed it and forgot the first two times) and I usually say that I'm aro or ace if someone asks because lithromantic is complicated to explain and because I don't date anyway. I like to make fun of myself because of my aro moments and romance obliviousness when I'm with certain of my friends. I never told anyone that I'm aplatonic (exept for one person that was obviouslly aplatonic too), because I never needed to, and because I'm afraid of the potential reactions. I lay some hints to those I trust though.
  10. I totally relate to that feeling of being confused by the mandatory (a)gendering system. I was assigned as a male, so I socialized as a boy. But as an ace, aro and aplatonic, I never totally fitted into the "manliness" mold (pack mentality, ostentatious displays of power and all those things...). I have no gender euphoria or dysphoria and I don't really "feel" what it is the gender behaviour I'm supposed to perform, so I often consider myself as agender. But at the same time I know that I am educated, behave and look most of the time as a man and don't care at all how people gender me, so I do not feel the need to change my gender expression. Therefore I think (cis) demiboy is the best label for me (and arogender too, I guess). Usually I don't care at all which pronoun people use for me. That said, I feel very upset (for no strong rational reason), which is unusual for me as I am quite a chill person, when someone changes the gendered language they use to refer me when my gender expression changes. It just don't feel right. If I wear lipstick and a convoluted hairstyle for fun during a party that doesn't mean that I am an other person and I don't want others to make me feel it is the case (but why does it feel such a big deal to me, idk ).
  11. Hey If I understand you well, you can experience sexual attraction to "strangers" but it fades away once you form a bond with them. This sticks well with the label Fraysexual. This is kind of the inverse of demisexual (ie. you can develop sexual attraction only to people you have otherwise bonded with).
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