in a poly qpr, do i have a crush???

[aesthetic mess]

here's the obligatory "how do you know if you have a crush" post lol

okay so i have these two friends that i like very much. i've known both of them since the start of this past school year, and over this past semester we've been hanging out a lot more and getting closer. a few months ago, we started cuddling regularly. (we all lived in the same dorm, so we did that pretty often.) since school's gone online, we've been keeping in touch -- they've actually been the only ones that i've regularly talked to from school -- and we all met up a few weeks ago for the first time since march. over that weekend, we all started dating. sort of. i'm aro, and i've talked w them about wanting a qpr before, so it's a qpr on my side and romantic on their side i think, i'm realizing as i'm writing this that i'm actually not sure. so i should ask about that instead of assuming. but i'm pretty sure i saw them kissing? i don't know. when they asked me to date them it was pretty lowkey. she just said "hey remember when we were talking about doing a poly qpr thing wanna do that?" and i said "hell yeah" bc of course i want to. and then we said that we can all call each other girlfriends. (i'm fine with that even tho it's a qpr bc explaining to ppl is annoying and also words mean what we say they do.) also we're moving in together in like a week.

when i think about them, when i'm reminded that i'm dating two whole people, even when i'm writing this post, my heart is beating faster and i feel more jittery and full of adrenaline. i think about them pretty much all the time, and recently they've been in some of my dreams too. since i started dating them i've been questioning my orientation again. i settled on quoiro bc who the fuck knows how to tell what attraction feels like amirite?? but i don't know man. especially with it being pride month. i feel suddenly uncomfortable being loud and proud abt aromanticism, i think bc of a mixture of questioning and feeling invalid bc i have two gfs. i'm waiting until we move in and we're all together to ask about the physical boundary stuff bc i want to do that face to face but do i have a crush? how do i tell? what even is attraction yall??? is my heart beating faster bc i'm nervous about them?? am i nervous about them bc of anxiety or bc i have a crush??? any help would be appreciated, i don't know wtf i'm doing lol (also if this is in the wrong forum lmk it's been a while since i've been on here)

[Apathetic Echidna]

I don't know if I can be much help but whether or not is a crush might just have to wait until you have more experiences and know more. The physical boundaries stuff should navigate some of that uncertainty, especially if you already know what you personally think of as romantic actions/intentions. Maybe try writing it down, like a list or mind map, to decide where different actions and intentions sit on your understanding of what is friends, what is qpr partners, and what is romantic. 

Though it might be anxiety, really times have become so unstable and dangerous that I'd be surprised if people's base level of anxiety hadn't risen a few notches at least! Anyway, maybe see what blogs or something you can find that detail experiences about aro-spec peeps in qprs. Knowing how others can navigate being aromantic in a relationship might be of help? 

(sorry I don't have time to hunt stuff down to give you links right now)

[Blake]

Hello there mate! Well starting section by section. I can't say if you have a crush or not cuz I'm not you :3 Only you can say if you have a crush/squish. Now, if they are ok with you being aro and they don't have a problem, that is fantastic mate! cheers for you, really. I understood that they treat romance between them, your gfs, and they accept you as aro and all that it brings with that. Also, props to you on wanting to have the convo about boundaries, that is very important. Your heart beating faster may be because of anxiety (again idk since idk if you suffer from GAD (general anxiety disoreder) or any variant) BUT it may also be because you want the qpr to work and are happy that you found it. Thinking about them and having dreams is normal (at least i see it like that, you describe as aro not a robot nor an unemotional being) so yeah, you want to spend more time with them, that's fine.

Something that get me curious is that you feel invalid. Mate, you are as valid as me, and the other person who is nearby. Do not think for one moment that you are not valid, cuz you are here right? that is what matters. Being aro and having gfs is cool, you do not have to experience romance to be in a relationship (look at you for example, here there are qpr of all flavors (pun?))

Do you have a crush? You are the only one to decide that. Affection/thinking about them/wanting to be with them are things that we all do with people we care about.

How do you tell? Well alloromo asume that crushes is a strict progression of cause and effect but actually from a non-romo non-lovely viewpoint It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly crushy poofy stuff :3333 

What is attraction? Mate...you find that answer and I personally give you the Peace Novel thingy.

Is your heart beating faster bc your nervous about them? Well...your heart is beating to pump that blood through your body ^^ making you stay alive and making you have thoughts!!! so yeah from a non lineal pov, your levels of dopamine get high enough that makes your heart beat faster ^^

And the rest, well it has been answered already :3. Hope it helps you ^^

[John Rando]

14 hours ago, aesthetic mess said:

when i think about them, when i'm reminded that i'm dating two whole people, even when i'm writing this post, my heart is beating faster and i feel more jittery and full of adrenaline. i think about them pretty much all the time, and recently they've been in some of my dreams too.

Sound definetely like love sympthoms to me (or maybe hatred or panic terror, but given the context...). Is it platonic, alterous or romantic love though ? I couldn't say with what you gave us here, but as said before, who cares ?

Happy for you.