Halp, i have a squish

[hermi1e]

Hiii

Hope this doesn't get ranty. I just set up my squish to go on a date with another friend of mine, it just kinda happened for fun, and now I don't know how to feel. I feel like it's not quite heartbreak, because it's not romantic love. I also feel like i have the potential to get closer to squish by setting him up. Like, i''m helping him or something? But it kinda hurts, because, yknow, I want to be with squish and I wuv him and sorta selfishly want him for myself. Which brings up questions!!!

 

- like, what do you do about a squish!!! You just say, "hi person I'm already friends with! I want to be your friend! Like, more than we already are! Like super friends! Please?" Like, I don't know how to fulfill this kind of attraction. We learn from day one what you do about romantic feelings, like dating and kissing and netflix n chill. But WHAT DYOU DO ABOUT A SQUISH??

 

I'm realising that's my only question. Uhhh I'm sorry bout this rant. if anyone here is in a QPR or has a squish, that's super and I love you. Wanna share your experience? How do you navigate this kind of attraction? I'm basically trying to learn about QPRs. This is my first squish and I'm realizing I don't know a lot. 

Anyway, thank you guys!

 

P.S. it's late at night where I am, so this would prolly be more coherent if I were more awake. Sorry bout that 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Well do you want a QPR?

[Kirakira]

I have a squish. Their one of my closest friends and I love them so much. Sometimes, I go to bed thinking about them. I don’t really know what to do about it either. At this point, I’m just trying to make memories with them in hopes of climbing the friends list. I’m sorry my advice couldn’t be more helpful.

[hermi1e]

2 hours ago, Kirakira said:

make memories with them in hopes of climbing the friends list.

That's the sweetest goddamn thing. Thankoo for replying!

2 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Well do you want a QPR?

Yeas that'd be awesome! But, I'm not really sure how to....initiate that? Or what it would look like.

I'm wondering how a QPR is more fulfilling than a more casual friendship. Like, is it fulfilling because they love you in the same way? Or is it the commitment aspect? Or that you spend more time together and make each other a priority? Again, just want to know some more bout QPRs and squishes

(Also my squish lives in another state, so I ain't sure how we could spend more time together, or how realistic it is. I guess we could talk online, but uugh)

[DaviM703]

I don't think it's realistic to expect to be able to spend more time with anyone other than talking online right now. But I think all those things you mention about QPRs are what make them more fulfilling. I'm actually feeling similarly about a close friend of mine, which I am planning to post my own thread about, but it can definitely be hard having strong feelings for someone who doesn't necessarily want the same type of relationship.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

53 minutes ago, hermi1e said:

Yeas that'd be awesome! But, I'm not really sure how to....initiate that? Or what it would look like.

I'm wondering how a QPR is more fulfilling than a more casual friendship. Like, is it fulfilling because they love you in the same way? Or is it the commitment aspect? Or that you spend more time together and make each other a priority? Again, just want to know some more bout QPRs and squishes

That, actually, is a good question for you to ask yourself, not me. Would a QPR be more fulfilling than an unlabeled friendship to you? Why or why not? What is it, specifically, that you want from your relationship?

The reason I asked if you want one is because squishes ≠ QPRs. You can have a squish on someone without necessarily wanting a QPR, and you can have a QPR without having a squish, just like how someone saying “I think so-and-so is cute” doesn’t mean they have to ask that person out on a date.

Technically, you don’t actually have to do anything. You can just continue your friendship as it is. But if that friendship is unsatisfying to you, ask yourself- Why? What is it, specifically, that you want? Once you identify your desires, you can decide how to address them. And if you do decide you want to be in a QPR with this person, I would say to just ask them. 

[hermi1e]

3 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Once you identify your desires, you can decide how to address them.

Goddamn that's wise. Thank you so much for all that. 

I'm thinking a QPR would be more fulfilling bc I could better communicate my desire for closeness. Even if he doesn't reciprocate, he'll know I value him and our friendship. And if he does reciprocate and wants a QPR, then !!!! big happy

Again, thanks so much for your help.

3 hours ago, DavidMS703 said:

I'm actually feeling similarly about a close friend of mine, which I am planning to post my own thread about, but it can definitely be hard having strong feelings for someone who doesn't necessarily want the same type of relationship.

Thank you so much for ur response and support. Good luck with your person!

 

This might be totally wrong, but I feel like squishes may be easier to fulfill than crushes? I don't mean that acts of friendship are of lower status than acts of romantic/sexual love. But if you are in a friendship with the person already, it might take a smaller step to become closer friends with them than it would take to enter a romantic relationship. You may still desire a reciprocated squish, but even if they don't reciprocate, it is possible to fulfill those platonic desires. D'you think this is true?

 

(That might've been a totally ignorant, aro-phobic statement right there. I know QPRs are as significant as romantic relationships, and squishes can be just as intense as crushes. Just guessing here.)