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I can’t help but feel like my aromanticism is a disappointment to my parents


Salem
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I started realizing I might be aro a few months ago, when I reflected back on my life and realized none of my ‘crushes’ were genuine. Since then I’ve been struggling with my parents’ expectations and how my newfound identity might damage them. I love both of them a lot and it’s hard to stand the thought of letting either down in any way; I know logically that it’s not my fault but I can’t help but feel guilty. Both want me to marry someone of the opposite sex and bear children, and I can tell they’re really hopeful of me having a “nuclear” family when I grow up, but now that I’m beginning to realize how little of that I want everything kind of sucks mentally. Is this a common experience, and if so, is there any advice for dealing with the situation?

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Some parts of that are understandable, and fine. Some parts of that are NOT, IMHO...

You're not going to be able to do anything about your parents being disappointed that you won't provide them with grandchildren... That's a thing they'll feel... (If they make you feel GUILTY about it, that's a different situation, but if they accept disappointment as part of life... such is life)

If they're disappointed because you won't experience "the happiness that they experience" or something, then you just have to show that you're experiencing your own happiness, or working on it, or whatever... 

If they're disappointed because you're not "normal" and you don't fit into their vision of how things are supposed to be... Then you have to convince them otherwise....

My parents are, I'm sure, disappointed that they won't have grandkids... I'm Aro, and my sister is married, but not having kids. I think that they're a little worried about my happiness, which is totally reasonable, and I'm also on the depressive side, so... fair... I think my dad is also a bit worried for me, because he seems to be of the "your kids are who take care of you when you get old" mindset (he's getting to the point where he needs (my sister mostly) to take care of him)... and without kids, who'll take care of me? eh. I am not sure the world will last that long anyway... 


I'm not sure if that helped... 

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Maybe it is disappointing to your parents. So what? Are you your parents? Are you a person, or are you their dress-up doll? 

This is something I've said to many people about many things, and now I will say it to you: Fuck your parents, the only person you need to worry about disappointing is you. Life is short, so live for yourself, not for other people. Don't force yourself into a life you don't want just because you think it'll make someone else happy. Do what makes you happy, and I'm sure if your parents love you, they'll come around when they see how wonderful a happy you can be.

I know it can be hard to feel like someone you love is disappointed in you, but ultimately, they're the ones making the choice to be disappointed. I hope that, if your parents are worthy of your love, they'll be able to make the right choice.

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I would say being a parent is being disappointed. Parents tend to have great plans for their children, but most of the time, reality is different. I suppose they already experience it : they all do, even for little things. This is part of growing-up doing what is right for you even if you have to oppose your parents for that.

I'm sure it will be fine. They'll probably won't like the idea at first, but they will accept it, because this is what parents (normally) do.

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