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Sad as an Aro Sometimes?

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I’m fine with being aro. I’ll be perfectly content when I’m older to live on my own with two dogs.


Picturing myself in a relationship is weird to me, even a QPR. But at the same time, sometimes I feel sad about being aro. When I see or hear about someone doing something really sweet for their SO, or even hear someone say their spouse makes them laugh, I can’t help but feel a pang. I think about how I’ll never have that. 


I don’t believe that everyone needs a significant other to be happy, but still this thought crosses my mind sometimes.


Can anyone else relate?

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I can't personally relate, sorry, but that might be because I cover any potential sadness with general anger at amatonormativity and sometimes at romantic love in general (even though there's nothing wrong with romantic love in itself).

I have been stalking the community for a while though, and that does seem to be at least somewhat common.

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10 hours ago, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

I don’t believe that everyone needs a significant other to be happy, but still this thought crosses my mind sometimes.


Can anyone else relate?

I do stop and wonder sometimes what it feels like to be in love or to feel emotional very close to someone (romantic love isn't required for this, I know).
The thought of being a high priority in someone's life sometimes appeals to me (but not being no. 1 - that's too unsettling).

What makes me sad about being aro is the piercing feeling of giving the most you can for a friendship but (in worst case) the other person throws you away anyway.
We can argue if that was a friend in the first place but it's something I'm currently still struggling with.
I lost a person I considered one of my closest friends over a year ago. I tried to talk about the issues we faced in our friendship but he didn't want to solve them.
He broke the contact and I did not hear of him again since then. I still think about him and only feel sadness and huge disappointment.
I knew him for years, we went through tough times together. It makes me ask this stupid question I often found myself asking when a "friend" turned me down:
"What did I even mean to you?"
Being aro doesn't automatically mean one is emotionally more invovled when it comes to friendships but for me it's the case.
I also often feel anger because of amatonormativity.
This friend and a second one, both got into romantic relationships over time and especially for the second friend I faded into the background.
It's the main reason I try not to be sad about them being gone because they clearly didn't deserve me or my friendship. But still, it sucks.

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  • 1 month later...

Big mood....I've also had a lot of problems with feeling like I value friendships more than my friends do, and I've recently been abandoned by most of my irl friends.  It's frustrating because I'm inclined to put in the work to improve and communicate about these relationships but there's nothing I can do if that's not reciprocated.  I can definitely see ways my aromanticism has directly made me feel alienated from my friendships.  Not only do they clearly have way less time for me if they get a romantic partner, but I've had several "friends" just not respect my romantic repulsion at all.

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