CloudlegtheVolcano

Here’s to hoping, lol.

You’re absolutely right, I hate when people do that. It’s pathetic, to be honest, and I hope that even if I were allo I wouldn’t be so dependent. This is also a really good point, thank you.

I feel you. I often find myself just wishing I could feel something, which in turn makes me feel like I’m not aro enough. I feel like I almost procrastinated in truly realizing that yes, I am aro, because I didn’t (and still don’t) know whether I really want to be. (Which of course doesn’t matter as it isn’t a choice, but I was almost waiting for a sign that I wasn’t and holding on to that “what if”).

Sorry if this is really long, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it and wanted to get it off my chest. (Also sorry if there are other posts similar to this, I haven’t seen any). I’m mostly proud to be aromantic, but sometimes I do wish I wasn’t. I’m definitely aro ace- I’m sex repulsed, exasperated with the amount of romance in media, and I’m excited about the idea of living alone with two dogs. But sometimes I can’t help feeling like I’m missing something important. I find myself hoping maybe I’m demi, or a late bloomer. I hate the idea that “romance makes us human” or “you need a partner to have a fulfilled life” because that’s not true. But I know that for most allos (from what I’ve seen, I don’t mean to generalize) their partner comes above everyone else. Adults don’t really have best friends, because your significant other is supposed to be your best friend, right? So I know that as my close friends find partners (and have kids) I will become less important in their lives. It’s frustrating and hurtful to think that friendship just isn’t good enough for allos (again, don’t mean to generalize, that’s just how it often feels) and as an adult, I will be nobody’s number one. Besides the potential loneliness, I’ve seen a lot of girls on Instagram I find really pretty. I just like to look at them, and I‘m not sure if I find them attractive or if I just want to look like them. I find myself looking at attractive girls and wishing I could feel something, hoping for what it seems like I’m missing out on. I shouldn’t feel this way, I should just be proud of my sexuality/romantic orientation and roll with it. I feel like I spend half my time wishing I wasn’t aro and the other half feeling like I’m not aro enough.

I had never planned on telling anyone at all because I was afraid they’d see me as a different person. But then the topic of marriage came up and I expressed my disinterest in it. He asked me if I was asexual and I said yes. He laughed and said, “I knew it!” I didn’t want to push it with aromanticism, so I left it at asexuality. He later asked me some questions about it and I explained aromanticism and asexuality and what’s like. He was so much more accepting than I expected and is currently the only person I’m out to.

I’m out to one friend as asexual. Recently we were talking and he said he was mad at a lot of his friends because they were leaving him out a lot. I commented that I’m scared nobody will have time for me anymore in a few years because everyone will start dating. He said, “I don’t really know much about asexuality, but you don’t have to be sexually attracted to someone to date.” I told him that’s true, and explained about romantic orientations and how they’re different from sexual orientations. I said that just like he’s biromantic and bisexual, I’m aromantic and asexual. He said, “Oh, that makes sense. So basically I’m just really horny and you’re just not horny at all.” That’s one way to put it, I suppose. ?

I never planned to come out because of things my friends have said about aromanticism/asexuality, but here we go. My friend mentioned something about my future husband and I told him I wasn’t going to have one. “Boyfriend, then.” “Won’t have one of those either.” He suddenly turned and looked at me and asked, “Are you asexual?” I said yes. He laughed and said, “I knew it!” After a few seconds he added, “So none of us are straight, then.” (Meaning our small friend group). It went a lot better than I expected it to. I’m sorry to everyone who didn’t have a good experience. I hope one day your family and friends understand and learn to accept you.

I’ve just started a new novel. The main character and his best friend are both aro. (This is not the main focus of the book, but it is a part of both of their identities). The first chapter opens with them talking about being aromantic and afraid to come out. I’m still working on it because it doesn’t really work yet, and I’m not sure if I can get it there. I want the reader to know that they are aromantic, or at least clearly see that they have a strong friendship with no romantic feelings. My question is, do I need this scene at all? Or is it enough just to have a book with no romance, where (for once) the two main characters don’t fall in love? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I’m sorry. I missed that somehow.

It sounds like you might be demiromantic, which is developing romantic feelings only after an emotional bond has already been established. I know there’s a thread somewhere with a link to a Tumblr post with lots of helpful definitions for questioning aspecs, but I can’t for the life of me find it. I’m not entirely sure, but I think it was posted by @SoulWolf. I’ll let you know if I find it. Edit: Here it is. Guess it wasn’t SoulWolf, sorry ?

It sounds like what you’re looking for is a QPR (queerplatonic relationship) which most people define as somewhere in between a friendship and a romantic relationship. It’s like a close friendship with sex, kissing, cuddling, or whatever you and your partner(s) decide you’re comfortable with. Queerplatonic relationships are different for everyone, so there’s no one definition. It’s all about your wants and needs and what you’re comfortable with. A QPR could be what you’re looking for. Just remember to keep an open mind and be vocal with your partner(s) about your feelings and what you want from them.

I know, right? And can I just say that one of my friends has a family with very strong political views who are anti-LGBT. So they wouldn’t understand if he came out to them and that puts him in the exact same boat as us! I’m sorry your mom feels that way. Maybe someday she’ll realize that not having the same idea for your future as she does doesn’t change the person she raised and loves. It’s not dangerous; if I did they would probably just kind of be like “um... okayyy?” and eventually get used to it. I’m just afraid they would react like your friend did and say it’s not a thing. I wouldn’t want them to see me differently or act like I’m a totally different person now.

I wish I could come out to people. I want to share this big part of myself that I was so excited about discovering. It’s not that it’s dangerous- I know there are so many people who have it worse than me. It’s just that no one would understand, friends or family. They’d look at me differently, or completely invalidate the identity that’s become really important to me. Romantic and sexual orientations have come up in conversation with my friends. According to them, asexuality is “some sort of mental... thing” (complete with cuckoo gesture at head) and romantic orientations are “for people who think they’re special.” And to be honest... it’s kind of crushing. Finding this part of myself and finding this community was and is such a big deal to me. It makes me feel so understood and accepted. And they’re both bi; shouldn’t they get what that’s like? We’re all LGBT+, right? We should be in this together. Thoughts? Edit: My birthday’s coming up and the only thing I want is one of those T-shirts that says “Nah” in aro pride stripes. But I can’t exactly ask for that, now can I?

Had a somewhat similar experience when my Spanish teacher informed us that her job as a teacher is to train us to be parents, and our Chromebooks are like our children so we need to charge them. a. That is not at all the point of school. b. I’d say owning a computer is just a little different from raising a child (maybe that’s just me). c. Not everybody wants kids (or a spouse, for that matter).

I can’t exactly relate, but I completely understand where you’re coming from, because although it hasn’t happened to me, this is my biggest fear. Not necessarily with my siblings, because I’m not super close with them; but definitely with my best friend. We’re really close. It feels like we grew up together even though it’s only been four years. But she is alloromantic, and I’m really scared that when she gets a boyfriend, or further down the road gets married, we won’t be as close anymore. And I love my best friend (platonically, of course) and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t think she would ever abandon me (for lack of a better word) on purpose, but if she got married it would just happen, because in our society romantic relationships always go above friendships. That might not have been the reply you were looking for, but I hope it helped : )

That is amazing, I so want one of those.

This so much YMBAI you love Arocalypse because you know you can always find someone who knows how you feel.