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Am I aro and demisexual?


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Hi all! I'm in my late twenties and am most probably aromantic and demisexual. 


  • Never had crushes, but I love kissing, cuddling and sex if they're with the right person.
  • I might've had squishes on a couple of fictional characters
  • I have experienced secondary, but never primary, sexual attraction. This has been with 1 person.
  • I'm sometimes aesthetically attracted to people.
  • No clue what romantic attraction is, and I'm only just beginning to understand why people might crave romance
  • My family doesn't get the difference between romantic & sexual attraction, and insists that "I'm not letting myself" fall in love because I feel inferior & I'm too scared
  • FWB/QPR sounds good to me. Having said that, I've always had avoidance issues, particularly around friendship. So I'm also very lonely and afraid of emotional intimacy.
  • As my life has begun to improve, I'm more open to the idea of dating, if only to prove my family wrong ;)
  • I really like those slow burn slash fanfictions where people are just head over heels by the end of it 
  • I'm very... hesitant to get involved with people emotionally and this is what terrifies me about dating. 
  • I've always viewed it as a kind of craving to be closer than close, and I'm romance-repulsed in the sense that I think romantic relationships are juvenile and overly focused on. "A relationship' doesn't just mean romantic/sexual, and I've come to loathe the word when it's used as shorthand for romantic/sexual relationship.
  • Genuinely don't understand how a romantic relationship is functionally different from... like, best mates with benefits who live together.  
  • I'm very shy of/scared of initiating anything, e.g. kissing, but have made out with a guy on the second date. But I have no idea if that's what sexual attraction is - it's physical chemistry, yes, but attraction?
  • For some reason, I think I may be heterosexual, but I'm not sure.
Sorry for the tl;dr. What d'you guys think? cheers.


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Hello! Based on your description I'd say you're aromantic. I'm also romance repulsed so I can relate to some of what you said. However I wouldn't be able to say whether or not you're demisexual because I'm also quite confused where I stand in terms of sexuality. I identify as heterosexual but it's not as clear as my aromanticism. Sure, I have sexual "desire" but I've never experienced sexual "attraction" towards anyone (at least not that I know of). Hopefully someone else can drop by and give you their opinion on the sexuality portion because I honestly can't answer that one. 

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I think that's possible, though it always hard to say what feel another person.

Any way I tend to think that just the fact that you wonder makes things probable (as people say, you know it when you feel it, so if you don't know, there is a high probability that you don't feel romantic attraction).


Demisexuality is define by the fact you can feel sexual attraction only after creating à bond with a person. So if your sexual attraction is always secondaire,  you might be demi, or at least somewhere in the ace spectrum.


Hope it helped ! 

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I can relate to some of this, since I have also been questioning whether or not I'm demisexual or allosexual.  I don't fully fit the definition of demisexual because I am sexually attracted to strangers, but everything else about demisexuality sounds like me.  It's like, if the base potential for sexual attraction for demisexual people starts at 0 and then slowly increases to 10 as they form an emotional connection, mine starts at 2 and slowly increases to 10 as I form an emotional connection.  I think you have to decide what you are for yourself unfortunately.

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  • 3 years later...

I relate to most of these things, only I'm repulsed by cuddling, kissing, any touching that's in a romantic or sexual way. I've never felt any kind of sexual attraction to anyone whatsoever. Nor romantic attraction. I've had crushes on fictional characters but not real people. I do not develop any kind of feelings for a person no matter the length of time I've known them. Still have no idea what I am though haha.

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