QuestionsConfusion&Panic Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 This is related to a post I just made but I need someone to tell me if this sounds platonic or romantic: I have been friends with this person for a while but only because close with them like 2 years ago. Last year we became very close and I really loved spending time with her so so much. So I looked forward to spending time with her and used to hug her bye during her sport season almost every day before i left school. I went to most of the games for her and a couple other friends, and loved watching her shes SO GOOD at it omg. I write, draw, and make things for her telling her how important she is to me and how much I adore her. I miss her a lot when I don't get to see her. I went to her dance recital and couldn't stop smiling because she was amazing. During this year I've been away so when I do come home we get to spend a little time together and I get so excited and I hug her forever. I love hugging her so much it's the best thing in the world. We text daily and I get sad when she doesn't text me for long amounts of time. I miss her and hugging her so much when I'm not around and I talk about her to my friends a lot. If she's sad I work for long time trying to think of ways to make her feel better. I love her so much but I'd never want to kiss her or anything like that but that has to do with asexuality not necessarily romantic love and I love cuddling with her (but I love cuddling with other people too) so like... **oh but also I at one point admitted to her that I had never felt such strong love for anyone which is true So what do you think? romantic or platonic? I've always just thought of it as strong platonic love but now I'm worried it's not. How do I tell the difference?!?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Romantic attraction is the desire to date a person. If you have feelings for her that make you desire to date her and and be together as life partners, then it’s romantic attraction. Platonic attraction is the desire to be emotionally close to a person, so it could be romantic and platonic at the same time. But I don’t think platonic attraction alone would ever cause that kind of an obsession for somebody. This sounds like real love and it sounds like romantic attraction to me I also want to point out that wanting to hug and be physically intimate with a person falls under the lines of sensual attraction and is completely unrelated to your romantic or sexual orientation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuestionsConfusion&Panic Posted November 15, 2018 Author Share Posted November 15, 2018 Okay thank you for that input. You might be right about the romantic and platonic feelings because it is different than how I feel or act towards the rest of my friends, so it could be romantic. That's certainly interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 I found your other topic before I found this one, but if you are having trouble telling apart romantic and non-romantic feelings there are some things you can look for in your feelings that might help, but ultimately it will be you that has to work it through because there is a massive lack in the vocabulary and so there will always be a difference between what you feel and what others can understand. Jealousy and possessiveness may be present with romantic love (not always though, and it can be present in unhealthy friendships when there is a tone of possessiveness) The IKEA effect is something to watch for too. It is generally associated with children but I have found any sort of proprietary input can trigger it. So basically she is the best (at anything or everything) because she is your friend/partner and has your support. It is similar to Idol worship but in this case the person is good because of your connection. I may be way off and confused but these are some things to look for to help you out of the questioning process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 On 11/15/2018 at 12:46 AM, Qu97 said: This is related to a post I just made but I need someone to tell me if this sounds platonic or romantic: The question you are asking false dichotomy, since there are several possibilities which are neither "platonic" (by either contemporary or Plato's definition) nor "romantic". My interpretation would be what you are describing is "neither". On 11/15/2018 at 12:46 AM, Qu97 said: Last year we became very close and I really loved spending time with her so so much. So I looked forward to spending time with her and used to hug her bye during her sport season almost every day before i left school. Wanting to spend time with someone is not necessarily romantic. Humans are social creatures and "quality time" is just as applicable to eros, philia, storge, ludus, pargma or (even) agape. On 11/15/2018 at 12:46 AM, Qu97 said: I went to most of the games for her and a couple other friends, and loved watching her shes SO GOOD at it omg. On 11/15/2018 at 12:46 AM, Qu97 said: I went to her dance recital and couldn't stop smiling because she was amazing These sound like aesthetic attraction. On 11/15/2018 at 1:23 AM, Star Lion said: Romantic attraction is the desire to date a person. If you have feelings for her that make you desire to date her and and be together as life partners, then it’s romantic attraction. The more common definition is that it's a desire for a "romantic relationship". With "date" referring either to a set of social activities or being a slang term for romantic relationship. "Spend time with" being rather less specific than "date" too. The OP does not mention wanting this woman to become a "life partner", "wife", etc. On 11/15/2018 at 1:23 AM, Star Lion said: I also want to point out that wanting to hug and be physically intimate with a person falls under the lines of sensual attraction and is completely unrelated to your romantic or sexual orientation A desire for physical affection could be down to sensual, sexual or romantic attraction in any of seven possible combinations. IME that human desires (and behavious) can have multiple motivations often gets overlooked. There appears to be a strong cultural tendency to identify a singular "cause". 10 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said: I found your other topic before I found this one, but if you are having trouble telling apart romantic and non-romantic feelings there are some things you can look for in your feelings that might help, but ultimately it will be you that has to work it through because there is a massive lack in the vocabulary and so there will always be a difference between what you feel and what others can understand. Lack of vocabulary is likely to be a problem. Since there are many types of relationship possible, but only a few words available to describe relationships. 10 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said: Jealousy and possessiveness may be present with romantic love (not always though, and it can be present in unhealthy friendships when there is a tone of possessiveness) I don't see any evidence of either jealousy and possessiveness in the OPs description. One of the distinctions is that these tend to be seen as negative within non-romantic relationships. But, potentially, positive within romantic ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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