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I believe I identify as aroace, but because I am only 14 I am unsure. Any advice?


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Hello, Im new to the forum, but I have been using it for the past few weeks to answer some of my questions about asexuality and aromanticism. After doing a significant of research, I have come the the conclusion that I might be aroace. At first, I was unsure of that this could be possible as I have experienced what I thought were crushes, but I now realize that they were squishes. These squishes were based entirely on emotional attraction, and my wanting to spend more time with those people because of their personality. I think I also experience aesthetic attraction. Im not sure if that is correct however, as I don't experience a pull to look at people because of their looks, it is more like their appearance leaves a more significant impression on me than other peoples look and nothing more than that. I experience this for mostly girls, and as I am a girl, is this some form of being biromantic? Again, it is nothing more of an "Oh, her eyes are REALLY pretty."

My next question is if it is too early for me to identify as aroace. My mother was kind of a late bloomer, not getting crushes until she was around 16. Still being 14, this confuses me a bit, especially because when I think about it, I have never been romantically attracted to people like some of my friends have. Everyone has a crush on people like Tom Holland and the Dolan Twins, but the thought of "Oh, their pretty hot" has never crossed my mind. I always thought that they were just being overdramatic for the sake of liking someone, but now I question if I was the one who was experiencing things a bit differently.

The last thing was to ask for advice. I do currently identify as aroace, but keep it to myself. Some of the reasons why is that I myself am questioning if I'm just a late bloomer, and if its just too early for me to be identifying with aroace yet. I am afraid that if I do tell someone my feelings, they will change later.  In my mind, the worst thing possible to happen is not that telling close friends and family about these feelings will change their perception of me (though still a worry), but that later in life I will have to go back to them and tell them that it really was just a phase. It also frightens me that I feel more comfortable talking to strangers on the internet than the people in my life about my feelings. Dont get me wrong, you guys have been very friendly and welcoming of me, even though this is my first post, but the thought of how to tell my family about my orientation scares me. 

Anyways, if anyone would like to offer answers/advice, I would be ever so grateful. Me trying to figure out this part of my life myself has been hard, and I would really like to get in touch with some people who can help. Thanks for reading through my ramblings though.?

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It's ok to change your identity as you grow and learn more about yourself. imagine for example a person who thinks they are heterosexual and later on in life they realize they are actually bisexual. No one would shame this person for going around telling people they were straight. So why should anyone shame you for identifying how feels right for you at the moment? Of course you can also choose not to tell anyone, there's no rush. Many allo people have not had a romantic crush yet at 14.

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In my eyes, I think there's never a ''too early'' or ''too late'' or anything like that. I'd say you should do whatever feels right for you. If being aroace sounds like it fits you, then you're allowed to use aroace to describe yourself. And if it changes, that's ok too.

Like the example that ^Holmbo made, I thought I was straight for the longest time, before realizing ''hey, i don't really seem to feel the same way towards people that all my friends do,'' and i realized i was aroace. No one shamed or resented me for saying I was straight when I thought so. I'm sure it'd be the same if you decide to identify as aroace.

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yeah, if it feels right, you can totally continue to identify that way, and you don't have to tell anyone now or ever (except maybe partners).  aesthetic attraction (based on appearance) doesn't necessarily have anything to do with any other type, nor does platonic; i can think girls are pretty, like, my best friend is gorgeous and i love her so much, and some of my squishes have been girls--i'm completely heterosexual and very aromantic.  just take your time.  i questioned being aro for almost a year (age 16-17), and started to tell people several months later.  if you have any more questions, i'm here.        

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Would you be worrying that it might be too early/soon/young if you identified as alloromantic and allosexual?
(Especially if this was 'straight"' i.e. heteroromantic and heterosexual.)
 

On 10/30/2018 at 7:26 AM, Holmbo said:

IMany allo people have not had a romantic crush yet at 14.

I wonder how common it is for alloromantics to think they have a "crush" on people they are aestheticly, sexually or otherwise non-romantically attracted to.

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Hi!

I started identifying as asexual and on the aromantic spectrum at age 14. I'm 17 now, and I am still identifying as asexual. When I was 15, I did get a crush, and I'm now dating my crush. Stuff changed. It was OK. It did feel a little embarrassing to tell people. That wasn't my fault. I never said I expected to never have a crush in the future. I just said I wasn't holding my breath and I wasn't sure if I had ever had a crush. People can just be insensitive about having your labels change. I'm not telling you that to scare you or discourage you from identifying as aroace. I just think you should know that yes, there is a chance that people will tease you if your labels are a phase. There's nothing wrong with going through a phase. Your identity being a phase doesn't make it invalid. Some people don't understand that, and if you have to deal with that, it can be uncomfortable. That's just the way it is. If calling yourself aroace makes you feel happy though, go for it. I don't think you should do it if you just feel like you need to have a label for others' convenience or because it's expected of you. Your label should be for you to feel happy. I understand that other people giving you crap for not having a label can make you unhappy though, so it's a gray area.

Anyway, my point, is do what makes you happy.

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