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has anyone wished they were gay (homoromantic)?

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Guest 9367b...ec6

i'm an aro cis girl and last night i stayed up super late looking at lesbian blogs on tumblr and seeing if i could relate to how they felt about girls. aside from loving and admiring girls on a platonic/girl power/kinship level, i just couldn't. the only parts i could relate to where the posts about compulsory heterosexuality/romanticism where there were lesbians talking about how they fear being attracted to men. except for me i feel that with everyone, not just men. 

 

it made me sad bc sometimes i wish i was gay so i could feel less alone. the gay community seems so vibrant and fun and proud and not to say that the aro community isn't but since hardly anyone knows about us it's just different and its own type of struggle. 

 

i guess i just need to work on accepting myself as aro and know that it is okay, and i am not alone. but it's hard. 

Anonymous poster hash: 9367b...ec6

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I watch McHusbands, a YouTube channel of two gay dads and their twin daughters. I actually wondered what it was like to be a gay man like they are, because they're so full of energy, plus, they're vegan, which is what I'm trying to do!

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1 hour ago, Spirit of God said:

plus, they're vegan, which is what I'm trying to do!

sorry to derail the conversation but if you have any questions i'd be glad to help.  i'm sure you'll only regret not doing it sooner.  good luck.

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13 hours ago, Guest 9367b...ec6 said:

the only parts i could relate to where the posts about compulsory heterosexuality/romanticism where there were lesbians talking about how they fear being attracted to men.

 

Yeah, this is precisely what makes me think that certain things would be easier for me if I were gay! Two men or two women are effectively forced to negotiate gender roles at the start of a romantic relationship, as there is no obvious 'default' to adopt, which is a good thing, IMO (or, I suppose that as a gay person you can indicate what sort of 'default' you would prefer, by fashion choices and/or mannerisms; point being that biological sex isn't determining any pre-defined gender roles here). Whereas in heterosexual relationships the male-female defaults would tend to get assumed (unless you are constantly actively challenging them, which could get exhausting after a while?).

 

I feel like adopting the default 'female' role would make it easier for me personally (as a male aro) to start a romantic relationship, as I wouldn't be expected to actively initiate romantic gestures (which feels very inauthentic to me); rather it would be acceptable to more passively receive them and identify where my boundaries were, if I were being 'wooed'. But, um, I don't really know, that might have its own challenges (be careful what you wish for, lol).

 

In terms of belonging to a more visible, cohesive community where it was easier to talk about this stuff IRL: yeah, that might be nice :aropride:

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On 9/21/2018 at 6:36 PM, aro_elise said:

sorry to derail the conversation but if you have any questions i'd be glad to help.  i'm sure you'll only regret not doing it sooner.  good luck.

Sorry I have responded so late! A question I have is: Are you vegan or trying to be?

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Oh yeah, all the time. Mostly because I want to be allo (aka accepted) but I don't want to date men, lmao.

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11 hours ago, Spirit of God said:

Sorry I have responded so late! A question I have is: Are you vegan or trying to be?

no worries, i've been vegan for over 3 years and vegetarian for another 10.

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On 9/21/2018 at 8:26 PM, Guest 9367b...ec6 said:

i'm an aro cis girl and last night i stayed up super late looking at lesbian blogs on tumblr and seeing if i could relate to how they felt about girls. aside from loving and admiring girls on a platonic/girl power/kinship level, i just couldn't. the only parts i could relate to where the posts about compulsory heterosexuality/romanticism where there were lesbians talking about how they fear being attracted to men. except for me i feel that with everyone, not just men. 

 

it made me sad bc sometimes i wish i was gay so i could feel less alone. the gay community seems so vibrant and fun and proud and not to say that the aro community isn't but since hardly anyone knows about us it's just different and its own type of struggle. 

 

i guess i just need to work on accepting myself as aro and know that it is okay, and i am not alone. but it's hard. 

Anonymous poster hash: 9367b...ec6

YES I DO. 

 

I mean it makes sense for me because I'm homosexual, homosensual and homoalterous, so I'm already lesbian. 

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