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Denial, Depression and Aromanticsm


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I’ve been dealing with depression for years now because I feel like I don’t have the ideal body or the ideal personality. But I think by far my biggest issue was that I felt very serial killery for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction. Even though I was fascinated with the idea of love, if it were to present itself in reality, I would be not interested or repulsed. It’s like I think I want love but I really don’t. I just like the idea of it. I don’t even like kissing or sex but somehow it’s... desired? I don’t even know anymore. Has anybody felt depression and have denied their aromantic identity because they want to hold on to the idea that they can have love even though you know you actually don’t want it?

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I see what you mean... there will be instantces where I Might want romance but then I remind myself that I only want it Cause society says that it’s the only way you will feel complete and since I actually experience sexual attraction I was able to get by with some of my relationships since I gave them what they wanted (a girlfriend) and they gave me what I desired (physical intimacy/sex) it’s different for every Aro... but i see what you mean and i thought I’d share my experience 

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Yeah, like Abster said, it's different for everyone, but I have heard people in this community describe experiences like yours.  While my experience of intimacy sounds different from yours, I certainly can relate to chronic depression and long term denial due to having a different experience from everyone around me.  I thought I was somehow broken or some kind of freak well into my 30s because I had never met people who were nonbinary or aromantic, and I was in denial about being those things, myself.  Depression and anxiety are, unfortunately, pretty common among aromantics.  You aren't alone here.  Stick around and hopefully we can show you that you have a place in our community.

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i had a period of denial of my aromanticism and trying to make my relationship work (even after accepting my identity and coming out to my bf).  my depression was at or close to its worst in my life during that time.  but when we broke up and i started loving my orientation and the ways in which i love, that was no longer a problem.  i still have depression, but it's no longer affected by or related at all to my aromanticism.  and yeah, i occasionally think about what it would be like to experience romantic attraction, we all do, but you gotta stop thinking of it as this big thing.  like, i wonder about lots of stuff which will probably never happen, and that's ok.  and if it does, that's ok, too.  but forcing it doesn't benefit anyone, and that applies to anybody and any relationship.

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All the time. When I first realized that I was aromantic I felt as though there finally was an answer to why I was never fully able to relate to others. But afterwards I was depressed that there was going to be something that is a big part of others lives that I won't understand. From when I was young I loved the idea of having someone I could be emotionally intimate and fully honest with and I though the only way to get that was by being in a romantic relationship. Even though now I know that there are many other options that are just as fulfilling I still feel lonely

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Yeah, I don't think I'd be considered depressed in like, the actual mental illness sense, but I definitely struggle with a lot of doubt, anxiety, and self-hatred due to my aromanticism. There are issues I've kind of always had that got worse after I figured out I was aro, while new issues also came up that I hadn't had before. It can be a big struggle on some days.

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