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I can't fit in anywhere? Depressed.


pastelprincess
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So I'm a very shy and anxious person. I have no friends in real life. I have a couple online friends. I get ignored on the Internet. I get made fun of a lot too. Like I will be out shopping with my family and random strangers will stare at me like I'm really wierd. Yesterday I was in the store and someone said she's a retard then laughed. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. Just speaking with my mom. Anyway I've been bullied in elementary to high school. It was horrible. I was in special education classes. The kids in those classes would ignore me and stare at me wierd. I've been bullied for the way I dress. I like the Edgy rocker kind of clothing style. People have said I'm trying to act white. They made fun of my clothes every day. On the Internet I've been ignored by people when I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with them. I have a hobby of collecting dolls and I've been on forums for collectors trying to find friends. But even those people ignore me and stay away from me. I joined a Discord for asexuals people I chatted with a few people but they weren't interested in being friends. I posted a picture of my artwork but it was completely ignored and got buried in the chatroom. 

I don't understand. I feel like I cannot fit in with anyone else, not online or in real life. I can't fit in with other black people, I can't fit in with people with disabilities, I can't fit in with other asexuals, I can't fit in with the Edgy rocker crowd. Sorry if this post is too long. I just needed to vent. Not that anyone cares. 

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I've been there.

I grew up in the mountains of East Tennessee. The society there is extremely conformist and backwards. I don't mean "wear these clothes to be cool" kind of conformist. I mean "gay people should die" kind of conformist. The kind of conformist that assumes anyone unmarried by age thirty is destined for hell and/or prison. I was raised by two accomplished scientists in one of the most poorly-educated corners of the United States. As a kid, I had two, maybe three real friends in total. I spent my childhood desperately trying to find something in common with the people around me. I failed catastrophically, and made numerous enemies based on a rumor that I was gay. Only two teachers tried to help. Only one of the students. After two further years of constant verbal abuse from my classmates (and their parents, behind my back), my parents decided it was time to leave. Of course, like any good bullying victim, I had told them nothing. 

 

It wasn't until I left that place that I realized what a toxic effect it had. If we had stayed, my mother and I would have probably killed ourselves. My uncle had already tried and failed. 

There are good people in my home town too, but the bad ones essentially ruined humanity for me. I escaped by studying ecology in California. That's the only way I stay sane: separating myself from the values and traditions of people however I can. I grew up in the South, leaving when I was twelve. I will forever be an ex-southerner at heart, though. I've had a taste of what it means to feel alone in the world. 

 

From my experience, I must emphasize this one thing above all else: It gets better. I know it's difficult to believe. If you'd told me that eight years ago (as a few people did) I would have laughed it off as the naive wishful thinking of someone who didn't understand true loneliness. Maybe it was. However, my life has genuinely gotten better in ways I couldn't have imagined then.

 

My only recommendation is to find an entirely new group of people who you would interact with on a regular basis. Work, volunteer programs, and school are all good ways of doing this. Public speaking is scary, but it really helps with social awkwardness. I also got a head start by moving to a new state, but I don't think that's necessary. By maximising the number of people you know, you stand a better chance of finding real friends in the crowd. Not everyone is as heartless as the people you've described, but a fair number of them are. Avoid those like the plague, but don't let their awful demeanor ruin your expectations of everyone else. That's my advice,  based on my experience with self-loathing. I hope it helps. 

 

And for the record,

 

I care.

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6 hours ago, James said:

I've been there.

I grew up in the mountains of East Tennessee. The society there is extremely conformist and backwards. I don't mean "wear these clothes to be cool" kind of conformist. I mean "gay people should die" kind of conformist. The kind of conformist that assumes anyone unmarried by age thirty is destined for hell and/or prison. I was raised by two accomplished scientists in one of the most poorly-educated corners of the United States. As a kid, I had two, maybe three real friends in total. I spent my childhood desperately trying to find something in common with the people around me. I failed catastrophically, and made numerous enemies based on a rumor that I was gay. Only two teachers tried to help. Only one of the students. After two further years of constant verbal abuse from my classmates (and their parents, behind my back), my parents decided it was time to leave. Of course, like any good bullying victim, I had told them nothing. 

 

It wasn't until I left that place that I realized what a toxic effect it had. If we had stayed, my mother and I would have probably killed ourselves. My uncle had already tried and failed. 

There are good people in my home town too, but the bad ones essentially ruined humanity for me. I escaped by studying ecology in California. That's the only way I stay sane: separating myself from the values and traditions of people however I can. I grew up in the South, leaving when I was twelve. I will forever be an ex-southerner at heart, though. I've had a taste of what it means to feel alone in the world. 

 

From my experience, I must emphasize this one thing above all else: It gets better. I know it's difficult to believe. If you'd told me that eight years ago (as a few people did) I would have laughed it off as the naive wishful thinking of someone who didn't understand true loneliness. Maybe it was. However, my life has genuinely gotten better in ways I couldn't have imagined then.

 

My only recommendation is to find an entirely new group of people who you would interact with on a regular basis. Work, volunteer programs, and school are all good ways of doing this. Public speaking is scary, but it really helps with social awkwardness. I also got a head start by moving to a new state, but I don't think that's necessary. By maximising the number of people you know, you stand a better chance of finding real friends in the crowd. Not everyone is as heartless as the people you've described, but a fair number of them are. Avoid those like the plague, but don't let their awful demeanor ruin your expectations of everyone else. That's my advice,  based on my experience with self-loathing. I hope it helps. 

 

And for the record,

 

I care.

Thank you so much for this advice! I will definitely find new people. You have made me feel better!Thank you! 

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I don't know anything to say that might help besides there is another internet stranger here who cares. 

Also feel free to share your art on the Off Topic forum in it's own thread or even here. I like seeing people's art, maybe give me an @ mention so I see it fast.

I'll also share some of my own stuff if you want to laugh :P

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1 hour ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

I don't know anything to say that might help besides there is another internet stranger here who cares. 

Also feel free to share your art on the Off Topic forum in it's own thread or even here. I like seeing people's art, maybe give me an @ mention so I see it fast.

I'll also share some of my own stuff if you want to laugh :P

Thank you. Okay I will share my art and I would love to see your art too! :):):)

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Hey there... :hugs: 

 

People look at me strangely as well. I haven't heard them say anything specific lately though, but I did get bullied a lot back in school. I'm still working through the insecurities that caused. I don't really fit in anywhere either, but I've come to the conclusion that fitting in is overrated.

 

Some smart person on some website once said (can't remember who, lol) that if you can't fit in anywhere, and you're always the odd one out, it's because you're meant to be a leader. I don't really want all the attention that comes along with being a leader, but... it's a compliment in a way.

 

And yeah... definitely find new people. There are some really awesome ones out there, if you can find them.

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Feeling alone and depressed is really horrible... I've been there, too. :hugs:  

I spent three years of high school feeling like I was invisible to the rest of my class.  It was one of the reasons I became very depressed, and I still am.  I still have trouble believing that people who are spending time with me are doing so because they actually want to spend time with me and not because I am the only person available at the moment.  But I have been able to move on and get to meet a lot of new people in my college, so it is getting better and I now have a few close friends who I trust want to spend time with me.  

 

Always look for new opportunities to meet people and people who are new.  Those who do not have any friends yet are the ones most likely to be open to having new friends.  

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2 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

Hey there... :hugs: 

 

People look at me strangely as well. I haven't heard them say anything specific lately though, but I did get bullied a lot back in school. I'm still working through the insecurities that caused. I don't really fit in anywhere either, but I've come to the conclusion that fitting in is overrated.

 

Some smart person on some website once said (can't remember who, lol) that if you can't fit in anywhere, and you're always the odd one out, it's because you're meant to be a leader. I don't really want all the attention that comes along with being a leader, but... it's a compliment in a way.

 

And yeah... definitely find new people. There are some really awesome ones out there, if you can find them.

I have never thought of it that way before...Leaders? Probably. :D

I will try my best to find good people to befriend. 

1 hour ago, Star Girl said:

Feeling alone and depressed is really horrible... I've been there, too. :hugs:  

I spent three years of high school feeling like I was invisible to the rest of my class.  It was one of the reasons I became very depressed, and I still am.  I still have trouble believing that people who are spending time with me are doing so because they actually want to spend time with me and not because I am the only person available at the moment.  But I have been able to move on and get to meet a lot of new people in my college, so it is getting better and I now have a few close friends who I trust want to spend time with me.  

 

Always look for new opportunities to meet people and people who are new.  Those who do not have any friends yet are the ones most likely to be open to having new friends.  

I am glad you're doing better now. Yes I will look for opportunities to make friends. I'm not giving up! :D:D:D

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7 minutes ago, pastelprincess said:

I have never thought of it that way before...Leaders? Probably. :D

I found the link I was thinking of: https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/04/leadership/

It's written from his personal perspective of 'growing out of' your social circle, but the general gist of it could also apply for just never fitting in in the first place too.

 

Snippet:

Quote

There’s a reason you often find yourself as seemingly the only person you know with certain qualities. There’s a reason you seem to always be the one who goes first (or one of the first), as compared to your family and friends.

Your role is to lead.

I know that going first can feel scary. It can leave you feeling isolated, alone, and disconnected at times. That is part of the process though. Those phases are necessary to help you build your strength. You need to become resilient enough to maintain your power and certainty even in the face of adversity. You need to learn how to stick to your guns when you know you’re right, even when it seems the rest of the world disagrees with you. On behalf of the universe, I wish I could apologize to you for all the hardships you’ll endure through these transition phases, but please understand that the challenges you face are necessary to sculpt your character.

In order to live consciously, you must make your own choices, independent of social pressure. You must summon the greatest inner wisdom you can muster and learn to trust it. You must lead.

 

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4 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

I found the link I was thinking of: https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/04/leadership/

It's written from his personal perspective of 'growing out of' your social circle, but the general gist of it could also apply for just never fitting in in the first place too.

 

Snippet:

 

Thank you :)

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