Confused Opossum

i think im both lmao. while i see them as somewhat related, they are two different things. i don’t rlly want to get into it, but it is sorta comforting to know i’m not the only one😅

yep. i had been playing a lot of stardew valley and was romancing sebastian, then in my dream we were boyfriends. i remember it feeling very soft and nice. when i woke up i was pretty sad about it🥲

that is actually the sweetest thing i’ve ever heard. i might be falling in platonic love with this dude rn, don’t even know who he is or where he’s from😭

i’m able to create art and things that i like :) this might be a more personal one, but even when there’s certain things i hate abt myself, i’m able to project the things i don’t like onto fictional characters (or characters i create myself) and then care for those characters and want for them to find happiness and heal despite the “bad” qualities i share with them. microdosing on self love when i can’t do it properly, ig😅 i might not be as good at this as i used to be, but i’m able to find the good in being alive in small moments in nature… the moon, a sunset, the way the sun glows on the leaves, seeing bunnies in the yard. also, i’m apparently good at doing accidental mario impressions

a slow build up of lots of things. the big thing was a “relationship” i had in 7th grade (relationship in quotes bc…. it was middle school, it wasn’t rlly a relationship lmao. it was enough to trigger some aro feelings for me tho) and i was miserable in it. there was nothing wrong with the other person, i even thought i had had a crush on them before the relationship, but just being in (what i perceived as) a romantic relationship caused a dip in my mental health. i broke up with them like a month later and afterwards was completely disinterested in romo relationships. despite that, i still didn’t think i was aro lmao. in 9th grade i met this other person who i really liked. they were prob one of the very few people i’ve ever actually had a squish on. i really wanted it to be a romantic crush though, and i tried rlly hard for it to be,, but inside i knew it wasn’t haha. i still didn’t think i was aro😅 oh yeah, when i first learned abt what qprs were i immediately loved the idea of them, and actually asked an aspec person whether allos can be in qprs bc to me that sounded so much better than a romantic relationship oh god, there were these 2 separate times i thought someone else had a crush on me. and they STRESSED me out. so so much!! i HATED the thought of them crushing on me😅 plus quite a few other things, but eventually i started connecting the dots and after a couple years (or more… not sure) of questioning if i was aro and doubting myself a lot, i finally just accepted it and started labeling as aro, and as soon as i did it felt so freeing and incredible!

i doubt there is a definite answer for what age would be “too young” to identify as aspec. and i imagine if there was, it’d be different for everyone. after all, there isn’t a set in stone age where every allo starts experiencing attraction (as far as i’m aware lmao). perhaps a more important question would be if your sibling feels aroace fits them, makes them feel more comfortable in themself, feels at home in the community, etc. if so, there’s no harm with identifying as aroace at any age. and if later on they do start experiencing attraction and no longer feel aroace fits them that’s totally fine, no harm done here! in the end labels are meant to help us explain and understand ourselves, and if aroace does that for them that’s great! i do think it’s important, especially for someone so young, to know that labels aren’t the end-all be-all, and there is absolutely no pressure to use labels if they aren’t helping you, but if they do help you that’s amazing and they are totally welcome in the community!

i agree. i see the whole “we can still love” argument as an attempt to please alloros and fit into amatonormative standards…. while pushing loveless aros and aros who feel little to no attraction under the bus. no hate to aros who do love and feel other types of attraction, but that shouldn’t be our argument as to why aros are valid. a more apt argument might be smth along the lines of “some aros love, some don’t, either way we exist and we deserve space/respect”

i had a similar experience to yours. in middle school i thought i had a crush on this person, but as soon as we started dating everything felt wrong and uncomfortable. (it wasn’t much of an actual “relationship,” given that it was middle school,, but it was enough to trigger those feelings haha). for the month or so we “dated” i could not shake how bad i felt, not only because of the relationship but also because i was “supposed” to be happy. i chose to break up with him, and doing so felt like a weight off my chest. although, i think the bad feelings did stay for awhile afterwards. it did a number on me😅 afterwards, similar to you, i simply could not picture myself in a romantic relationship. it still took me a few years to realize i was aro, but that was definitely a turning point for me that did help me realize my aromanticism in the end. whether that means you’re aro or not i can’t say, but don’t be afraid of trying out labels (or ditching them if they don’t serve you)!

yeahhhh if i let myself consume too much romantic media i can get pretty sad and lonely abt it. it’s only happened with romances i really enjoy and am invested in though (which isn’t many). part of me has wanted to watch (or read) heartstopper bc i’ve heard it’s rlly good (plus, queer rep) but i feel like i’d either 1) just be kinda uncomfy/not rlly care for it the entire time or 2) rlly enjoy it and feel sad afterwards lmao. i really appreciate ghostflower’s metaphor of it being like lactose intolerance. a particular time this happened to me was when i was playing stardew valley and the sims at the same time,, in stardew i was trying to date sebastian (can u blame me…) and i rlly rlly enjoyed it, and in the sims i also had 2 sims in a romantic relationship that i also really enjoyed and was very invested in. the two combined had me feeling very sad afterwards tho🥲 especially after having a dream about dating sebastian😅 i try to stay away from too much romantic media now… which sucks bc it’s everywhere and even my arospec friend has complained about not being able to share certain media with me bc it has romance in it😭

the sci guys are awesome!! i watch them frequently and was sooo excited when they uploaded this haha i do agree with dobby it was a little disappointing to have no aro specific scientific studies, but not surprising and definitely not the sci guys’ fault that there isn’t any out there🥲

hi! im not sure how much i can help, but i can offer my own experience. i feel some kinship with your experience here, although maybe in a slightly different way. i totally get the hassle of introspection, and feeling unqualified to identify your experiences into a label. i had a very similar experience to that, except more so with my gender rather than aromanticism. i was also extremely indecisive which didn’t help anything. basically from my ~late middle school to mid high school years, questioning and doubting and questioning my gender again was a big chunk of my internal existence. and it felt debilitating at times. however, it gets easier. i promise. i’m a young adult now, and i’ve never felt more confident and at peace with my identity. all the doubts i used to have are, the vast majority of the time, gone. something that might help you that definitely helped me loads is journaling. it helped me get my thoughts and feelings out, and also, after a few years i was able to look back on my entries and realize i still felt the same way. looking back like that really affirmed for me that what i was experiencing was real. realizing i had felt that way for so long confirmed to me that i was indeed trans. it might help you with your questioning! while no one can tell you what you are, i will say that the experiences you have listed do sound very aromantic, and some relatable to me as an aro. being aromantic is about a lack of romantic attraction to others. that’s about it. you can be aro and still love love songs and have a love for humanity, i think that’s amazing actually! hold onto that fascination! you say that since you heard the term, you felt connected to it, yes? that alone is a perfectly good reason to identify with it! personally i had questioning if i was aro for a couple years prior to fully embracing the label (although not near to the extent of questioning my gender, it was still in the back of my mind), and i remember the day i decided i was going to embrace the label, it felt so incredibly freeing and amazing. and just remember, it is totally okay to change your mind later. exploring labels and identity, including changing your mind, is all part of being human and there is no harm done by it! the aro community will welcome you all the same :) as for the expectations of alloromanticism, that is an unfortunate truth of being aromantic in today’s world. and i totally get that it can be scary and confusing. remember you have a community here if you ever need to let it out! i hope you don’t mind me writing my own essay haha, and i hope i was able to help even if just a little bit!

never talking to your supposed “crush” and only feeling awkward around them is so relatable😭 that was most of my “crushes” in middle school too lmao i remember the first time i was asked who my crush was, it was during a sleepover with my best friends at the time. i had never thought about it before, so i just thought of the first guy from school i could think of and went with him. he was someone i had never spoken to, and never did except maybe once in passing, and only felt awkward around him for the rest of the school year. by the next school year i pretty much forgot about him lmao i do have a vague memory from elementary school also, when our class was in the school bus coming back from a school trip, and the boy sitting next to me fell asleep on my shoulder. i guess that sparked me to think i could have a crush on him, and i thought about the possibility of dating him in the future. i don’t think i thought about him again after that lol

i highly doubt i’d ever get married. even before realizing i was aro, i didn’t like the idea of marriage. why get the government involved in your personal relationships?? i can understand from a legal protection and tax standpoint why you’d want to get married,, but i think it’s bs you have to get married in order to receive those things in the first place haha. no hate to those who do what marriage, these are just my personal thoughts on marriage for myself

i like opossums… i am always confused

my names Micah, my pronouns are they/them, and i’m 20. i’m trans, genderqueer and aromantic! i’m technically also asexual, although i feel the term aroqueer fits me best as i prefer my aromanticism. i just found out this website existed and immediately created an account haha. i’m excited to be here! some things about me: i’m an artist! i like painting, drawing, sewing, embroidery, and occasionally writing. i like cartoons and am currently rewatching steven universe! i also have a collection of plushies and vulture culture things :)