the more the merrier

Queen, Gorillaz, Foo Fighters - all such great & classic choices! Owl City! I don’t think there’s an album in its entirety which gives me as much nostalgia as Ocean Eyes (oh my goodness, let’s chat about it!). Do you have a favourite Queen song? ‘Barcelona’ was this for me at one stage - it’s so dramatic! I'm new to your other suggestions, or only know them by name! Where would you suggest beginning with any of these?!

This! Hi @lotusflower! If the urge to find certainty is particularly strong for you, perhaps you’re consciously thinking about this a lot, when it might also help, even if it feels counter-intuitive, to endeavour to let go of this quest for a moment, and to let it bubble away in the back of your mind. This way, we can let our subconscious mull over something that puzzles us, whilst we’re absorbed in an activity or on a walk, creating a sweet scenario for the possibility and occurrence of breakthroughs. As a specific example, you could pose something like this to yourself: “I’m going to work on the hypothesis that my experiences align with being grey-aro” and let this pre-theory rest for a week, or a month, or so. Within this time, let yourself be immersed in favoured activities, and see if your mind naturally presents any evidence in support or contrary to this, whilst you’re focused on something else. Let's let ourselves be, and gently observe what we may find.

This is super nice! I love this vibe and its instrumentation! I've never been very good at rating out of 10, so I shall award this... out of New tune, more (acoustic) 🎸! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcSnqiRFFS4

Yes! Being here, on Arocalypse, feels like this to me. This gradual easing of the residue of dread, which opens up more expansive and relaxed worlds. Where did you first come across QPRs, if you don't mind the q., @venomous? Thank you for your lovely post!

Welcome, @Laies! It's fab to meet you! I hope you have a mega time here! Do you have any plans and/or wishes for your birthday? *breaks out the aro-themed party treats and offers lots to you*

Hi lovely, all of this research can be overwhelming, so thank you so much for putting your experiences in words - You don’t have be alone with your thoughts. Your words here remind me of this article: https://www.tumblr.com/117-opossum-teeth/669161588213907456/limerence-obsession-and-escapism-my-submission. I don’t know if you’ll relate with this after reading it, if you wish to do so, yet I think this writer could have been on a similar wavelength to you. (The above article also comes from a fantastic monthly blogging event, Carnival of Aros, which is a mind-blowingly good time to explore, if you’re curious for more.) On fear on intimacy, I still find this a tricky conundrum. In discussions here, others have mentioned that, even with this fear, any kind of attraction may also be present. So, this might be a consideration for you. If you could imagine feeling safe with someone, do you think that a romantic draw/attraction towards them, or any other kind of attraction, could co-exist? I still have to let go of many fears myself, so perhaps I may not be the wisest person to answer this one, yet I wanted to offer a little, just in case another can throw in some more thoughts on this puzzler. A lot of bright minds on this forum have a wonderful way of phrasing the following, to help us relax us about whether we might be aro, or anything else for that matter, or otherwise. It’s a-okay to explore who you are and find out that something else might be true later. Reading about the experiences of others, and asking these great questions, can be so wonderful, and there’s no rush to hand in our final papers on who we are. Please take so much care of yourself, and all the best for finding answers or any further questions! We wish you the best!

Congratulations!!! How is your post-op experience so far? I hope you can feel physical comfort if you're resting and recuperating, and that you have those around you to support you with treats, kindness and any stretches that become possible as you heal. <3 Emotionally, does it feel as you thought it would? Perhaps the joy is even stronger? Huge congratulations, once more, for reaching this dreamed-about moment!!!

Welcome, @AroAceDancer! Here’s hoping that you have the time of your life here! 💃

Super interesting, thank you for sharing this! Do you have any thoughts on how we might ‘water with intention’ within this community? I’d love to understand the concept more, if so! There’s some lovely perspectives here too: “grief is not the opposite of a joyful life, but a product of one”. I didn’t know about the Solo project either, very cool!

Hi @Storm_leopardcat! It's Georgia! This font also has 'a', 'r' & 'o' within its name, as does Times New Roman. Could it be that all fonts secretly support our aromantic advocacy?

It's so good to be here. I can't wait to listen to you, each and every one of you. Evidence has supported me being aromantic asexual for a decade now. I often didn’t listen to this or to my instincts about it, especially before and throughout three relationships. Yet as our rep grows around us, and as we pop up everywhere, this representation may aid us to trust ourselves a little more. With more questions than answers, I cannot wait for this. I’d like to be as open as possible to other possibilities. “If the fact will not fit the theory - let the theory go” (Agatha Christie). I hope to live this too. As for now, aegoromanticism relaxes me, and gives me that ‘rush of recognition’ feeling. Fellow aegos, may I have the first (group!) dance? Learning more about the science of aromanticism would be wonderful. Philosophy, especially ethics, OSTs and classical music, learning Italian (currently an A1/A2 beginner) and so much of life and thought fascinates me. Let's learn lots and grow together, besties-to-be.

Okay! Platonic sounds like a lovely first choice for the future, to my mind. I'm unfamiliar with Brandon Sanderson! Which one are you about to begin and would there be any works of his which you would recommend to the uninitiated? How did you first encounter his writing? Please enjoy this new release treat, Nix!

Yes please to this idea! Platonic sounds fab! Would you be open to including GRSM rep of all kinds? Poetry isn't everyone's cup of tea, yet the recent 100 Queer Poems could be an option as well as Julia Shaw's Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality? Hooray for our book club!

@Neon, I think so many of us here will be so sorry to hear this. Even in the midst of all of this conflict, it sounds like you’ve been developing such healthy boundaries, and I would love to borrow a light sprinkling of your confidence and assertion anytime. All the best for your mom’s recovery, and all the more for the hope that you can share this natural convo soon.

@MulticulturalFarmer, I’m so sorry. Five years of academic leave due to ill-health has sharpened loneliness beyond previous experience, and I’ve found it hard to think about my own loneliness for most of my life, so thank you very much for writing all of this - perhaps leading by example, if you don’t mind this idea, by sharing this with us here. Loneliness and its companions can have such a huge physical impact, so opening up as you do sounds so healthy. When reading your words on shared interests, the idea of ‘cross-pollination’ comes to mind, and I wonder if it would suit you. With so many different passion and interests, the way another looks at the world, or their specific technical acumen, can lend such fresh perspectives to a question or to an idea, or introduce to you to new concepts which you can borrow metaphors or understanding from and trade insights from your favoured worlds in return. On the other hand, knowing what delights you and wanting to share that is wondrous too, as you deep-dive into your element with others. Perhaps, in this vein, you might be the one to introduce someone to their next love (no-romo) and, even if a new friend doesn’t share your interests just yet, if they’re open to this and would like to learn more, perhaps, in time, you might share a whole heap of intellectual connections. As one further small thing, I once heard the perspective that sharing “disposition is more important than shared interests”. At the time, I didn’t understand this at all, yet I think I’m beginning to (even if I disagree with the ’vs’ element of it). The above is fantastic, and melding as a team is golden. People can give each other so much, and this goes beyond all of this, scientific discipline and anything else that may differentiate us, preference-wise. I wonder how you find being a friend to yourself, too. It sounds like you trust the choices you’ve made so far, yet our inner critic is a constant friend for many of us. I hope that we can relax into 2023 and towards being good to and for others. I, for one, would love to learn more about STEM and history (which are the best!) and I’d love to get (voice) penpal-ing! @MulticulturalFarmer, I don’t know why I concentrated on one aspect when there’s so much to reflect on in your post. I can’t wait to read more thoughts from others about everything you’ve shared, whether that’s here or in future discussions about intersectionality!