Arsenic

Have you told them about your feelings? I guess you haven't since you've said that they is in a relationship... I have always thought that sincerity is very important, and even more when you love someone (I am not talking about romantic love, it can be any kind of affectionate feeling). If you really like them and want to be with them in a QPR or romantic relationship, I think that you should be sincere about the way you feel. Maybe they feels the same way about you and, if they don't (or doesn't, I don't fully understand the way they works in singular), at least you would have taken a weight off and you would be able to skip the page. I am sorry if something I've said doesn't make sense at all, feel free to ask if you want to.

Wow, am... Yeah, lemme put you in situation. About three months ago I saw a girl on the bus in which I travel each morning to go to the university. I loved her style and I knew we would be really good friends, so I really wanted to talk to her. I couldn't because I am kinda introvert, so I just keeped on going with my life. The point is that today, at the bus, another girl asked me for my instagram because the girl sitting by her side (the one I wanted to talk to) was introverted and felt embarrassed to talk to me. And I was like dying, something like a gay panic but in a platonic way. I've been talking to her by message and I am super happy to finally meet her. But super happy, you know? Did anyone of you have any similar experiences with squishes? I mean, I don't know if I have a squish with her (I think I do but I don't fully understand the meaning of squish, so...), but, have you ever felt this "platonic panic" I refer to or I am just a weirdo?

thanks! English is not my first language so it is possible that I make some mistakes

There are some exercises to low your voice. It wouldn't be your voice, but you would be able to low your pitch. Also a good diet is important. There are some foods that increase your testosterone and lower your strogen (there are also other foods that have the opposite effect, so be careful). If you eat this kind of food usually, eventually your voice will get deeper.

Talking about showering with the light off, you could try to have an small light on the bathroom so you are not into absolute darkness. Sometimes I use a red light and it is very relaxing. If you add some music, as Gabriel 14 said, it could make you feel a way lot better.

I understand you, dysphoria sucks and it gets worse after realizing you are trans. I don't know which are your circumstances but when I wasn't out to my family as transmasc I used some things to deal with dysphoria. 1- Find some haircut that you like and you find "manly", but worn by a girl. You can tell your parents "can I get my hair done like this GIRL? It is super cool right now, you know?". I don't know, it worked for me. 2- You can use makeup in a subtle way to make your face and neck look more masc. There are a lot of tutorials and images to achieve this. 3- Dark hair usually makes you appear more masc. 4- Body language is even more important that the appearance, you can work with that. 5- If you can't buy a binder, you can use an sports bra. If you wear two sports bra, but each one looking in one direction (I mean, you wear one in the normal way and the other one looking backward...(? I don't know If I am explaining myself) it will work good as a binder. 6- Darken your eyebrows, it works. 7- If your dysphoria is very high, try to shower just before going to sleep. This way you will be able to put on comfy clothes and getting under your blankets and relax (and cry if you need to). 8- There are some foods that increase your testosterone and lower your strogen. You can find them easily in google. 9- Try to do some sport to build-up your body in a manly way (if you want to). Do some shoulders and back workout, for example. This is all I can think right now. Hope this useful for you, and if you want to ask something feel free to do it.

Is he a softie? Curious, for a reaper. Will you continue that story?

I really like the first one, imagining the nightwalker was... Yeah, scary. The last one is also awesome, I would like to continue reading those ones. I also love writing, I am working on a book with an aroace main character:)

The "you just haven't found the right person" thing. I was trying to tell my mom that i have no interest in dating and she said "yeah, no. How are you going to spend your whole life alone? You will change your mind". It is so annoying. People don't understand that being aro and/or ace is a real and valid orientation. Even if they say those things with a good intention (like oh, don't say that! You are beautiful and amazing, someday you will find someone), it erases our identity. It is like saying to a gay man that he will fall in love with a woman someday... Makes no sense.

OOHHH YESSSSS, I AM GLAD TO READ THAT!

I've never wanted to date or marry, and people around me were so surprised to hear this from me, but I just didn't (and don't) find it necessary to have a partner, it is not a primal urge. A few days ago the girlfriend of my uncle told me that she had shown a pic of me to one guy she knows, and that this boy is "looking for a girlfriend". She said that he liked me and whether I liked him (she shown me a photo of this guy), and I felt SO disgusted that I am not able to put in on words. I wanted to cry, and to scream, and to run away from there. She also shown me a photo of his son, shirtless on a swimming pool, and she looked at me as if I were supposed to like him in a sexual way (which made my ace ass panic). After a few time of questioning whether I am aro or not, that was all the confirmation I needed. Why do people assume that we are attracted to others? Why do people force us to like/want things that are not made for us? Why don't they just let us be?

I love this. It took me a lot of time to know I am aroace because I didn't know romantic and sexual attraction were a real think. I thought people were just bored and they played that way:(

Naahh... I knew he was aroace even before I knew I was, I just didn't see him falling in love, or desiring to have sex with another human being. I knew the meaning of aromantic and asexual and thought that those labels fit him, but I didn't think about the possibility of myself being aroace.

I am writing a book with my partner and one of the main characters is aroace, I think that I could talk about this character and in some point say that I relate to his experiences in that way... I guess it could work, thanks for the advice!

People usually don't know about the SAM (split attraction model), so I think that using all of those labels will just confuse people who hear them. The aromantic part is good defined, so it is a good idea to still use it. The rest of the labels mostly belong to the SAM, so I don't think it is necessary to use them if it is not required for the context. You could try to use aromantic neptunic, since you feel attracted to femme-presenting people in a sexual and aesthetic way.

So, I recently found I am aro, but I am in a romantic relationship. I love my partner in a lot of ways but I feel no romantic attraction for her, and I don't want to hurt her for not feeling the same way she feels for me. I don't want to end up our relationship since I am not romance adverse, I still want to be with her, but sometimes it is awkward when she says romantic things because I feel nothing towards it. Sometimes it feels weird to kiss her, but I still want to give her cuddles. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her, she is very important for me and she also is my best friend, but I neither can remain silent about the way I feel. Any advice?

EVERYONE IS SUPER CUTE AESTHETICALLY. I am aroace but I experience aesthetic attraction everyday and I LOVE it, it is like being on a museum filled with awesome art. My type is... I DON'T KNOW, WHY IS PEOPLE SO BEAUTIFUL UUUUUUGG.

I understand you. Figuring out your gender is hard, confusing and tiring, and it can take you a lot of time. You don't need dysphoria to be trans (binary or non binary). A good way to figure out your gender is asking yourself how do I want to be seen in society? If you like to be presenting feminine, and be seen as a girl, and act in a girly way, you might be a girl. If you don't care about how people see you or you don't feel related to the reality of being a woman, or you simply don't understand gender, you might be nb. Just in case you didn't know. there are like 112 gender. The gender umbrella is bigger than we think, and reading the meaning of all those genders may be a good way to find out who you are. I say this because it also helped me finding myself. Another way is looking at memes. No jokes on it. It is a funny way to know if you relate to the experiences that some people of a determinate gender have. Well, to sum up. Probably I am not the first one in telling you this, but labels are supposed to make you be happy and proud. If you find a label that fits you, and that makes you happy, then go for it. If you don't find that label, then you should live your gender in a way that makes you happy, explore your gender expression and even try new pronouns if you want to. Gender never feels the same for everyone, we are all unique. I hope I've been of help. Good luck, my friend.

She knows what does being aromantic mean, but she doesn't know that I've been questioning my identity in that way. She neither knows that I am ace, because I don't know how to come out. I am sure that she would understand the ace thing, but it is not the same for the aro one... I know that I would hurt her, and that's the last thing I want to do. I understand that at some point I should have this conversation with her, but I don't feel secure enough to talk about it right now. Now I know I am aromantic, tysm for helping me.

Thanks for the answer, I didn't thought I would have a reply... I think you are right. Well, you are 100% right, I am scared of losing her. She has always been a very important part of my life, she has helped me in everything for six whole years, I can't imagine a world in which I didn't have her in my day by day. The problem is that a few time ago I realised that I wouldn't be sad if she broke our 'romantic' relationship, as long as she stayed in my life as a friend. I just want her to be happy, and I know that she is happy with our current relationship, so I am happy too, but I don't think we both see this relationship the same way. Does this sound like an aro feeling for you? For some time I thought that I am demiromantic, because I wouldn't be able to date someone I don't deeply know, but sometimes I feel I just date my current partner because I love her so much (not in a romantic way) that I wanna make her happy, and that's because I've known her for 1/3 of my life. I don't even know if this makes sense, it is so weird to explain:(

Well, so... I've been questioning my romantic orientation for a few time, and each time I try to understand myself I just end up feeling way more lost than at the beginning. Some months ago I realised I am ace, and I am super happy to finally understand myself in that way, but then I started questioning other points of my identity. When I was younger I had some crushes, or at least I thought so (it came to be just aesthetic or platonic attraction). I've been in some romantic relationships (nothing serious) and when I broke with someone it just felt good, l felt free and more like myself. I've never wanted to marry, or to be in a romantic relationship with someone. Here is where everything starts to be kinda weird. Six years ago I met a girl, and we became super good friends. We connected, and we started to talk everyday. She was always telling me about her boyfriends and girlfriends, and I kinda felt jealous. I didn't want to date her, but I neither wanted her to date others. I wanted her to pay attention to me (yeah, I sound a bit toxic, but I am just bad at explaining myself). I thought that if she made other friends and/or met cooler people than me she would leave alone, and I didn't want to be alone anymore (long story). Well, the point is, she asked me to go out three years ago, and atm we are dating. I know she is a very important person to me, she has always been my best friend, she knows me better than anybody, better than I know myself, but after a long time thinking about it, I am not sure if I feel romantic attraction for her. I don't like kissing, but I love cuddles. I feel kinda awkward when we talk about love stuff, or when we call each other things like 'honey', 'dear', and everything like that. I know that I want her to be in my life, I need her to be with me, as well as I know she needs me, but... I don't know. I've never felt for her the things like butterflies in the stomach, or the blushing and heart racing thing, or the thinking about her 24/7 thing. It is so fucking hard to determinate if I feel romantic attraction when I don't even understand what it is. I know that I am on the aro spectrum, but I don't know if I am aromantic or demiromantic, or something different... Any idea?