aro_elise

It's good that you have friends like that. I think it's really important to recognise that we can't do everything by ourselves (actually, it may be unhealthy to tell ourselves that we can, particularly when trying to make positive changes in our lives to do with breaking old habits?) and to feel able to ask for support from other people. Even (especially?) when it feels awkward to do it.

Now I just need to try taking my own advice there more, hah.

thanks.  i remind myself that if i ever want to start seeing a therapist again, find one.  i do tend to wait until the damage is done rather than take precautions to prevent it in the first place but i'm working on it.  good luck to you too.

I reckon it takes a bit of practice to pick up on things earlier, before they get out of hand. A bit like keeping your balance on a tightrope or slack line (I was trying this the other day, lol). At first you make a few big movements and fall off a lot; but if you can learn to make a lot of smaller, more frequent corrections, you keep your balance better (random analogy, but maybe it helps?)

I'm doing better recently, actually. Made myself get out of the house more to interact with people. It helps.

That sucks, being an adult can be fun but stuff like this makes me feel old :(

Man I hope limiting it helps a bit, that sucks 

That's surprisingly rare tbh, most aren't educated on that subject at all. XD

i know!  he's bi, maybe that has something to do with it?  actually relatively recently i had a similarly chill experience, it was a group of people, some guy asked everyone like "how important to you is sex in a relationship?" and of course that didn't make sense to me, i was like "i wouldn't be in a relationship" and this girl asked me "are you ace?" and i replied "aro" and she said "cool" and that was it.  she's also bi.

Yeah, I guess that’s a common thing. Often whenever someone is lgbtq they tend to know a lot more than others. I mean I’ve told a couple of my friends my concerns. My friend has 2 kids who I’m like 90% sure are both bi. I forgot the rest of the specifics but the other kid in my friend group might be aro himself. :D

Hm, weird. Maybe she wants to do couple-related activities, like double-dates or something? I’m just guessing here… You could argue you are in a happy, healthy relationship with yourself though ;)

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Maybe she wants to do couple-related activities, like double-dates or something? 

wow, you're more positive than me. my thought was 'oh shit, pyramid scheme'. like she was targetting 'successful' women with husband's money to throw at stuff, but with a safe sounding post.

maybe thats just my cynicism towards local facebook  groups though.

we all have different theories.  mine is that she considers an amatonormative relationship a prerequisite for "success".  and i don't even think she considered the possibility of being happily without one; i think the alternatives in her mind are unstable or non-committed relationships.  

Newbie question: What's the best and safest way to find a FWB? And how long do you wait before deciding to have sex?

A little weekend vacation sure sounds nice....

@MulticulturalFarmer just noticed this.  i'm not sure there's a best way, and as for the other question, whatever works for the people involved.  i've only had one fwb, from tinder, classic.  we had sex on the first "date" or whatever you want to call it--we didn't know then whether we'd continue to see each other (and i've had hookups where we didn't) but obviously in this case we did.  when we're comfortable with each other and want it, i figure why wait, but everyone's different.  mutual attraction with an existing friend could also lead to adding a sexual component to the relationship, but i can see where that might be more high-stakes.  i mean, the same ways you meet people to date--pretty much anywhere--just be clear about what you're looking for.

nothing to see here, just a garden variety aro

relatable 

my best friend went on a couple dates with this guy and slept with him and then he said he didn't want to keep seeing her and she was telling me about her feelings about it, saying she can't separate her romantic and sexual attraction.  she knows how puzzling that is to me.