SamwiseLovesLife

21 hours ago, Momo said:

I've only ever had sex with people I've had very strong feelings for - to me it's a very intimate act.

Yes, this is definately what I mean. I find it to be very intimate, and if void of all feeling, I get no enjoyment from it.

21 hours ago, Momo said:

I've never felt pleasure from sex. Not physical pleasure, nor emotional pleasure. I've done it because it's expected and it's not bad, but I've not really had a good experience during the act. Before and after are often lovely though.

It's nice that the lead-up and afterwards are happy for you, I would be sad to think that it was just something you do for other people and hate all of it <3

13 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

Sex for me has always been an emotionally intense experience.  I almost envy people who can have sex more casually, because it sounds like a lot of fun.  An allo friend recently described to me the desire for sex as "an itch that needs to be scratched" and I don't think I've ever experienced it like that. 

Yes I agree! lucky a-holes (lol.. A..) who can simply 'get their end away' without conflicting feelings about it

13 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

Emotional connection is what I want most out of friendships and intimate relationships.  This is probably why I've been able to have the occasional functional romantic relationship, because my desire for deep emotional connection is sometimes compatible with some alloromantic people's desire for a committed partner.

I really relate to this

13 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

I also experience lust and sexual attraction, but those aren't the prime drivers for me, they're more like extra spice added to the meal of empathy.  I'm a very touch-oriented person, so I like to use touch as a kind of emotional expression.  I'm also a communication nerd, and some people are very expressive in unique ways during sex, so it's very satisfying for me to participate in that, especially when combined with all the other ways that sex is enjoyable. 

Exactly! If there's an orientation or what for what you're describing, then it's my word too! But despite the pain-in-the-ass that these feelings are for me, I can't help but be happy that my relationships (platonic ones) are so warm and mutually benefiting, because of this empathy and closeness I feel for others

13 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

One of my partners and I liked to talk a lot during sex, and we found that affirmations really enhanced the experience.  Like, we'd be doing something sexual and simultaneously just saying things we liked about each other. 

^ That is so cute

Hi all you beauties,

In the topic-

A few of the commenters and I discussed briefly the concept of having/enjoying sex where there are feelings involved as opposed to 'physical acts for simple tactile pleasure' when you are on the Aro-spectrum. My thoughts were that I haven't enjoyed sex that is 'meaningless' but as I don't experience romantic attraction, I was unsure what to call this when for example you choose to have sex with someone you are platonically close to, and the strong bond you have strengthens the plasure experienced.

So I'm curious; I've noticed a fair amount of Arocalypse discussions around sex seem to consist of the notion that sex is a transaction, physical and nothing more (in the absense of romantic feeling), so I want to know if any more of you have thoughts on the kind of feeling that can improve the experience of sex, beyond a simple lust-based experience.

Thoughts?

On 11/08/2017 at 4:23 PM, James said:

As long as it's not a Humboldt, giant, or colossal squid. Their tentacles have claws. Also no blue-ringed octopuses, because if they give me a hickey I will die. 

I love you. #noromo

On 11/08/2017 at 4:23 PM, James said:

Would you rather be mildly allergic to potatoes or deathly allergic to kiwis? The fruit, not the bird or New Zealander.

Potatoes. I can live with out them (despite my name.. Ironic much) but NO ONE CAN HOLD BACK MY FRUITY CRAVINGS **breast-strokes in a swimming pool of fruit salad**

I'm usually designated driver, so more often than not, sober. I've been drinking since very young though (maybe 6?) so experienced the whole range of affects when different levels of drunk. I don't care either way *shrug*

Putin as I'm fairly certain you can catch idiocy.

-I am so sorry for whoever has to answer this, I don't pull any punches-

Would you rather sleep next to a corpse for the rest of your life or have multiple sexual encounters with sea-creatures (think tentacles)?

1 minute ago, Eklinaar said:

 

I'm in the US and broke, myself.  It's a shame we're on three different continents.  But I'd love to meet up with some aros once I can afford it.

That's cool, I'll be visiting the US within the next few years. My last continent is in a month so after that I'll be re-visiting places FUTURE US ARO MEET

@Momo @Eklinaar UK meet anyone? I can travel out of country but that could take a while

1 hour ago, Eklinaar said:

I think a lot of people feel threatened by me because they usually read me as a cishet male, and I understand why they feel that way.

Proof prejudice goes all ways *sigh* It's a frustrating world

1 hour ago, Eklinaar said:

My friends who used to cuddle with me are all very monogamous, and the culture here is very against platonic touch.  It's pretty frustrating.  I'm glad you have friends who understand your feelings in this regard.

Ah that's a shame, maybe you need more Ace/Aro friends? I've met many at Aven meets

On 07/08/2017 at 7:58 PM, Eklinaar said:

Most of my friends have entered long-term monogamous relationships and will barely be affectionate with me any more, and new people I meet always assume romantic intent.

 

A meetup sounds like a great idea.  I'd just need to save up enough money to travel and work on my social anxiety.

God tell me about it. Luckily I have a few good friends (in long-term relationships) with whom I can cuddle and flirt; their partners don't mind as they see I am equally affectionate with all my friends (while respecting bounderies) and being the partner's friend too certainly helps. Plus, as I'm trans they know I'm not going to have sexual urges towards the person as that's not currently something I can enjoy partaking in. With strangers it's okay because by the time i'm being physically affectionate (around the time I figure they're okay with it) they will know either that i'm trans or aro (perks of being way to open and over-sharing). Plus being quite small and also friendly to EVERYONE seems to get across that I'm not threatening, just an equal-oppertunity cuddler

YES FOR ARO MEETUPS. London anyone?

On 04/08/2017 at 5:37 PM, Blackthorn said:

at least I'll be a happy freak and not a sad normal person.

I'm planning to shout this from the rooftops

On 05/08/2017 at 1:34 AM, Eklinaar said:

But I crave deep emotional and physical intimacy, so for a long time I continued to seek romantic relationships because most people consider it inappropriate to engage in that kind of intimacy unless it's in the context of a romantic relationship, even though romance really confused me.  Now, I don't know any more.  I still crave intimacy but I'm afraid to seek it.  I'm afraid of being hurt or hurting my partner because we don't understand each other's feelings, or of them getting hostile and invalidating my identity, which has happened a few times.  I'd still like an intimate relationship, but I guess the ideal would be with another aro who wants similar things, or an allo who makes the time and effort to understand our differences and is okay with it

Ahhhhh I totally relate to this (more than I'd like to). I have always strayed the line of over-intimacy with friends because that's just how I feeeeeel </3 (not because I ever have romance on my mind).

Maybe we need some Arocalypse meet-ups so we can find like minded intimacy friends..

On 16/07/2017 at 0:23 AM, DeltaV said:

But then, I forgot about... hand-holding... *cringe*

I think that I make an exception about THIS. Because it's just impolite:

“Hey, we're in love ♥ so it's fine for us to occupy the whole side walk! ♥”

Little Aro child Sam (me) always said exactly the same thing.. Everyone would laugh and say I'd understand when I was older (oh so patronising). 21 now, still don't understand it

On 16/07/2017 at 10:43 AM, Skittles87 said:

I didn't have any romantic feelings or even strong platonic feelings for the guy, so it was purely experimental. I didn't understand asexuality and had never heard of aromanticism so I figured I ought to try a relationship, and maybe the feelings I was supposed to have would develop (spoiler alert - they didn't). I had to call the whole thing off pretty quickly because he got too invested and I felt guilty.

^ Every relationship I've ever been in

On 25/07/2017 at 6:51 PM, ApeironStella said:

YMBAI you always ended up making jokes about being "wife/husband" with your closest friends and you were always so close that you always ended up questioning if that it was 'something else' because society says if it is that close, it MUST BE 'stepping into romance zone' but anytime you try it, it just gets really awkward and off so you revert back to BFF status

^ This. So much. (teens desperately clinging to ANYTHING that might be romantic feeling as never have understood it)

On 04/06/2017 at 6:30 PM, One-Eyed Jack said:

 

Most asexuals are romantic (and tend to have the standard romantic person's misconceptions about being aromantic). That's one reason Arocalypse is a necessity and not just a fun and frivolous thing (although fun and frivolous within the context of a serious purpose are also good).

I always kinda felt like Aven was (by majority, not 100%) a whole lot of young-ish people who aren't sexually inclined but want somewhere to obsess over relationships/love/general-teen-angst in a non-sexual setting. Which is fine of course, but not really what I'm looking for in a social forum. All the romo crap bores the hell out of me

Also+ I like how synical Arocalypse is

1 hour ago, Momo said:

YES! I was so upset at Haruhi at the end of this show.

Same! I totally agree with @Skittles87 about being gender non-conforming and totally ace/aro vibes. It was so wierd that she 'suddenly' had feelings for the Club president despite never having them previously. Damn heteronormativity..

Though shoutout to the Mangaka for a drag queen father

10 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

I've watched Avatar the Last Airbender

I adore this Anime :3

I'm flying through so many Manga right now it's hard to keep track. I love most Yaoi though only if it makes sense to the plot, also anything rape-y is a no for me.

I kind of like romance if it's good, but i hate it with women in manga/anime because they have super high voices and it all seems ridiculous to me (hence the Yaoi).

I like fantasy and supernatural

Art style is important too, I hate it when characters are so simplified you can't tell them appart.

One of my favourites of all time (though short) is Dia Game. Supernatural, Yaoi (and hot) with awesome characters and a stuuuuuuning art style Be still my little Ace/Aro heart </3

10 hours ago, NullVector said:

 

In that case, I think you might enjoy this animation

 

 

 

Petition to make this a film

Jurrassic park (origional) isn't too romantic.. at least the one romance is already pre-established and doesn't take screentime

14 minutes ago, Momo said:

Can I make a list of things I'd not rather do than get married? It'd probably be a shorter list.

I almost asked this but doubted anyone would answer

I'd rather take a shower outdoors (have done) tgm

OKAY GUYSIES (and girlsies.. non-binary-sies)

I want to know everything you'd rather do than get Married..

1.. 2.. 3.. POST

To begin- I'd rather give my cat a bath TGM

On 13/02/2017 at 5:27 PM, Aava said:

What annoys me is that often times it doesn't even fit in. I can only think of "The Hobbit" where they forced that romance between Kili and Tauriel in the movie. The screen time for that (in my eyes) unnecessary romance, could have been used for the other dwarves, who actually played a rather important role but whatever. I could keep ranting about that. Still salty  

DON'T GET ME STARTED D:<

On 15/04/2016 at 11:34 PM, Vega said:

Speaking of Disney/Pixar movies, I always see Merida from Brave as aro. The whole conflict is her not wanting to get married. 

Granted, you can say it's just because she's too young and not interested in any of the potential suitors etc. but I choose to see her as fundamentally uninterested in romance. 

Totally, Like she doesn't want to get married ever, she says so

On 18/12/2016 at 7:11 AM, James said:

Eren Jaeger from Attack on Titan, 100%.

The dude does nothing to ever suggest that he cares about romance (or sex) with anyone. The only thing even remotely romantic he ever did was give away his scarf to someone who was cold. 

I second this

Light Yurigama from Deathnote (Just started watching it so I don't know about later on)

4 hours ago, McNuggetManChild said:

The problem I have always had with Johnlock is that a vast majority of the shippers oversexualized it constantly and that always pissed me off. But because of recent things happening, as well as what we've seen of John and Sherlock's relationships and canonical info, the two having a QPR is the most logical and my favorite outcome. Sadly, most of the fandom obsessively ships them romantically and sexually so there's no real way of getting the idea of a  QPR through to them

Totally agreed!

WHAT IS THIS TOPIC

Granted: everywhere you walk your head is bombarded with everyone around you's emotions until you have to hole up in the middle of nowhere as a recluse to keep from going insane

I wish all healthcare in the world was free and efficient