Holmbo

On 2017-06-06 at 9:26 AM, SamwiseLovesLife said:

I guess the way romo people saw it in the past was the engagement ring 'bought' the (usually female) person, hence being expensive and show-off-y; whereas the wedding ring is just a way to 'seal the deal'.

 

Sounds like signing away your soul to me..

As I've understood it the ring was a promise from the man that he intended to marry this woman. An insurance that he really was going to follow through with it and not just change his mind so that she would have lost valuable time (of fertility) on the marriage market. It's kinda gross to keep this going in modern times. Along with the father giving the bride away like some minor in need of a new guardian.

On 2017-06-09 at 7:33 AM, Ettina said:

I don't know. It's a major reason for failing the Bechdel test, though.  

Yup, because then they are often just there as relation to the male character.

It doesn't even have to mean that the female characters are badly written. For example Harry Potter has great female characters but badly suffers from the Male default IMO.

On 2017-06-07 at 8:17 PM, Thom said:

They are all methods that give you the same satisfaction of raising a child, with far less money involved and far less of a chance of screwing up royally.

Yes and even if you don't screw up, if you're doing as well as you could. The kid might still not turn out well. They could still grow up to be a criminal or die from cancer or depression.

I agree with @NullVector that raising a child should involve more people than just the one or two parents. I suppose in general society has a role too though. Like in my country the government is a big part of child raising with subsidized day care for every child from about one and then compulsory school from six (no home schooling allowed). So if one wants to take part in raising children without actually having any there are lots of options for that in work life.

blubbeliblubb

On 2017-06-10 at 9:12 AM, jenny_any_dots said:

@Holmbo have you talked to your parents yet? I'm in almost the exact same situation with my parents. Once the conversation is going it might be fine, but I have no idea how to start it because they never ask me about relationships. Anyone got some good lines to break the ice on this one?

No I haven't done it yet. It's on my to do list
I guess I'll just bring it up out of the blue.

I was wondering if there is a name for a certain trope in stories which I tend to think of as male default.
This is when characters in a story is male unless the story calls for them to be female. Like if the only women in a story are mothers, love interests or little sisters etc while there are many men in the story who could just as well be females and it wouldn't affect their role at all.
Does this occurrence have a name?

An aromantic can not give advice about psychological well being to an alloromantic because they don't understand romantic love which is unique to any other kind of love. If they say that maybe you not being over your girlfriend leaving you two years ago is about more than just your feelings for her then you just don't understand how strong love is.

On 2017-05-10 at 11:05 PM, starstuff said:

(I am rereading this before posting and realizing I sound like I regularly go around punching people and would like to clarify that I have had 11 years of martial arts training and thus have been punched/kicked a lot and vice versa during training.   Not just like....out on the street by random people....)

That was totally what I thought before I read the last part

On 2017-05-06 at 6:07 AM, IceHurricane said:

 

Also, I haven't seen enough of Friends to really have an opinion, but I've always considered Joey to be aro. Maybe not tho cuz didn't he like Rachel? 

I think he had like two crushes on the whole show but no relationship resulted from them. So we could kinda fanwank it into that he was confused about strong emotional or sexual feelings.

i actually still haven't done it
Not that I've consciously avoided it, I just forget because it's so normal to me now.

I don't think I'd give any advice. Just explain to them what aromanticism entails and perhaps help them reflect over what they'd want from a date/relationship with that person.

On 2017-03-30 at 5:50 AM, Ettina said:

It's been awhile since I watched that, but I believe there's more romance later on. (I vaguely recall two of the underlings on the team hooking up, but don't quote me on that.) Never the main guy, though - the only romance he apparently ever had or will have was over before the show started.          

Yes I think I remember that too.

I'm ENTJ

On 2017-01-30 at 6:28 AM, James said:

YOOOOOOO MY PEOPLE (also ENTP)

Not that I take the test especially seriously either. It was a decent attempt at the impossibly complex task of quantifying who someone is. 

Team extroverts!

About the test

About romance in fiction in general. Often it's a convenient way to get character to act irrational in a way that drives the plot. I'm thinking about a quote from the movie Her 'Falling in love is kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.'
I also think it's somewhat seen as a reaction to our rationalized world. A lot of movies have the message of "just do what feels right", "follow your hearth". Romantic love is the ultimate version of that in our society. It's totally socially acceptable to commit to a romantic life partner with no regard to their health, financial situation or prospects in life, just as long as it feels right (I'm exaggerating a bit but it's often true).

As to why romance is often tacked on to movies with other plots. I'm not sure. Maybe it's cause romance is seen as the quickest types of relationship. It's easy to get in there with just a few scenes and a very short time to develop. Love at first sight and all that. It's much more difficult to write a friendship forming because that takes time and display of trust. It's not enough for people to just look deeply into each others eyes and kiss.

Now as I was looking around the web for some inspiration I saw an article that stated that movies where the lack of romance is just cause there are no women in it "doesn't count". I can kinda see the sense in that.

I'm trying to think of good examples but most of them have romance in some corner. For example Mad Max Fury Road is a pretty good one but it does have a bit of romance between side characters.  

I don't mind romance really, but it is refreshing when it's not there. It makes me feel like the film makers thought a bit extra and is not just relying on tried and tired concepts. 

I'm trying to think of movies without romance but I think I'm too tired to even remember movies right now. 

Zootopia?  sorry that's a kids movie. 

12 angry men. I watched that just recently for the first time. It's old but good. It's about 12 men who sits in a jury and have to decide if someone should get the death penalty. No romance. Lots of great character interaction.

I wouldn't be able to start explaining how I feel sexual attraction. I feel like I feel different kinds with different types of people. Some of it is very impersonal were I just experience sort of a momentary wish to do something sexual with a nice looking body that  comes across my eyesight. Then there is aesthetic attraction that kind of draws my eye but that I'm not sure is actually sexual. Then there is sort of a sexual interest that feels more tied to the style of the person. Personality does not seem to be involved at all in any of these.
 

I wish I was as sure about my sexuality as I am about my aromanticism

Another thing that just popped into my head. Is it possible for someone to be alloromantic and sexual but have no ties between romantic attraction and sexual one? Maybe they would be good at answering this question?

11 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Though therhoure is one objective argumentl about shaving I can come up with. But it's against shaving.

Most shaving is bad for the environment. Razor cartridges are impossible to recycle.

Good point. 

Maybe if you just use an old fashion razer that's just a blade?

I shaved my legs and armpits for many years. Still shave under the arms cause I get less sweaty then. But the legs is much more seldom. It's weird because the hair on my bottom legs is much darker and coarser than on the rest of my body. I wonder if it gets like that from being shaved of so any time and if I'd just kept it it would have been soft and light still.

I feel like everyone should be allowed decide how much hair they keep or remove. I've never felt this is just a female problem though. After all most men are pressured to shave their face every day, that's much more work than shaving your legs (I imagine). In recent years there are more beards around than there used to so maybe social pressure about clean shaveness is relaxing a bit. But still I'm sure it's not a choice for many. Especially for those who might be target for islamophobia. Anyways that was kinda OT.

Back to femininity. In the recent year I've gone into a very femenine style. I'm saving out my hair longer than it's ever been before and putting it in different braided hair dos. And I've started wearing a dress almost every day. That is mostly because of comfort though. I got tired of finding pants that looked good and was comfortable and that would cover my ass at all times. Dresses with flowy skirts and soft tights underneath is much better. I miss the pockets though

On 2016-12-11 at 4:08 AM, Ettina said:

The protagonist of Heartless is explicitly asexual, and reading between the lines I think she's probably aromantic too. She doesn't seem to have ever fallen in love, and it seems unlikely that she will soon. (She's also a newly-turned vampire in Victorian England, whose asexuality makes her immune to the vampires' mind control ability.)

It's really good! Thanks for the recommendation.

I'm offended by your avatar being a no effort furry.

If you know another language than English, how would you say the term aromantic?
In Swedish it's aromantisk. Very similar.

@Sentient Android Same here about queer shipping people to get some more queer representation. I want them to be sexual too though, as long as its not gratuitous because that just gets boring.

Other than that I don't really care about characters getting together. In Game of thrones I've shipped some people to get married because they'd make good political teams. 

12 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

As sad as this mi sound, ranting about it isn`t going notto stop antic majority fawning over stuff likstartete this and forcing it into pretty much everything.

 

@Dodecahedron314 Most shows aren`t made with aromantics, especially romance repulsed aros, in mind. Most people, who are romantic, will fawn over this too.

Maybe if they don't give people what they want they'll love it even more though. Like when Game of Thrones started the trend of killing of the characters people rooted for. Maybe some show will do the equivalent to romantic love. Every potential romantic story will just crash and burn.

(Or not main to t If) I can't delete that text on the phone for some reason. Also I changed the quote without meaning to.

31 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

Or I could just email them... and send them links to read.  

It may be an "easy way out" but it does make it more likely to happen at some point in this lifetime.

I was thinking about just writing mine in the family chat