Holmbo

On 2017-01-14 at 5:12 PM, SoulWolf said:

I don't think I'm that brave yet.

Are you afraid they will take it badly?
 

At some point I'm going to have to sit down with my family and explain what aromantic is and that I am one. It wont be a big deal because neither of my parents have ever put any pressure on me about that I should be in a romantic relationship. But somehow because it's not an issue it feels very weird to bring it up We never ask each other about our love lives. There's never a question that might go into the topic. But I still want to tell them because it's such a huge part of my life and affects all the major choices I make about it.
I'll probably just bring it up apropo of nothing at dinner or something.

9 hours ago, Cereal Tendencies said:

I confess to not realizing how many people felt the need to confess when I made this thread 

 

I confess that it was a good idea nonetheless 

It's a good format for a thread. There's so much different varieties of confessions one can make.

I have another one. I confess that when I make plans for my future a huge part of it is ensuring I won't be alone too much, because I think that might turn me weird(er). And that I sometimes worry about friends or just people in general that spend much time alone and feel like it's not good for them.

Edit: Actually "weird" is the wrong word. Antisocial is better to describe it. Or self centered.

I'm waking this again.

I'm a bad aro because:

• I don't mind romance in fiction or movies and especially not in songs.
• I don't have squishes
• I think I kinda want other aros to be like me. That there are certain things with my personality that I tie in with my aromanticnes so I feel it's strange that other aros won't have those traits.

Jo in Little Women reads as aromantic asexual to me. She's based on the author who seems to have been gay (though that was no invented at the time ;)) So if you read "the extra material" so to speak she's not aro or ace. But the book just portray her as not being romantically or sexually interested in anyone.

The main character in Ann Leckie's Ancilary trilogy also reads as aromantic asexual to me. But it's complicated.

As for books not contaning romance or sex, I looked at all the books I have in my read list and it's interesting to note that fiction ones lacking romance and sex are either childrens books or old time classics. The only one that is neither is Elephant Gold by Eric Campbell. Also some books by Jodi Picoult but I don't really like them enough to recommend them.

Can I join too?
 

On 2016-12-06 at 2:26 PM, Cereal Tendencies said:

I find it annoying how if a man remains single, society will leave him alone to be the "miserable bachelor" that he is

 

but if a woman chooses to remain single, she has doomed herself for eternity and will eventually become a crazy cat lady spinster

 

where is the sense in that??

I've gotten almost the opposite impression. That men who live alone after a certain age are often seen as weird. While women who live alone can be the "fun aunt" or the friend who actually have time to hang out, because she's not busy with husband and kids all the time.

Contact is a great book. I read it not too long ago.

On 2016-12-03 at 11:27 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

I'd disagree with Ellie being aro (despite the magnificent pun potential...Aroway, get it? ), because in the book there was also the relationship she had with Ken der Heer, which seemed as though it might have been veering slightly more into romantic territory--though I, too, haven't reread it in quite a while because I'm busy trying to become Ellie myself, so I could be wrong. I haven't reread it since I realized I'm aroace, so I'll probably do so over winter break and see if that changes my reading of her. 

Also, seconded on the book being exponentially better than the movie--the movie literally wrote out half of the characters, including my favorite side character, and half the plot points. It also completely misses out on Carl Sagan's writing style, which is one of the best things in existence, just saying.

I didn't read Ellie as aro. She seemed to have a desire for a romantic relationship but had trouble finding a guy that would respect her. She being very much in love with some musician at one time during her college and they were in a relationship but he left her.

I view Sherlock from Elementary as aromatic heterosexual.

I haven't watched past season two though because I got the feeling the series was not going places I'd enjoy.

I have no problem with it. In fact I'd be fine with nakedness being less of a taboo. For example I wish I didn't have to wear swim wear at the beach. Skinny dipping is much nicer and one wouldn't have to worry about carrying around wet clothes or struggling to change inside a towel.

When I was a teenager I dated a guy for almost a year and lied to him about being in love with him. We had just dated so long I felt that I should be in love with him. I liked a lot about our relationship and I was curious about sex and felt a real pressure that I should do it before I got too old. It all seems rather crazy to me now But I don't regret it really because I learned a lot about myself, even though I didn't realize that until much later.

On 2016-04-19 at 1:01 AM, Vega said:

Not to mention, this whole idea we as a society seem to have that being super possessive and stalkery is somehow romantic. It's not, it's abuse and it's creepy. 

Sometimes I think about how I'd like to write one of those romance novels with the "dark disturbed guy" who's jelaous and possessive. Only it would actually realistic so the arch would be that he becomes increasingly more abusive and possessive until she fears for her life.

On 2016-11-02 at 10:50 PM, iigolden said:

My favorite reaction by far was when one of my classmates knew I wasn't into guys, he automatically assumed I was into girls, and when I told him I wasn't he said I was probably beastsexual, into animals. You gotta be kidding, I don't even know about that, and he does, yet he has never heard of aromantics (or even asexuals for that matter)?! Just goes to show how much people know!  

That's crazy! I'd hate to hear what he goes to next.

I'm thinking about coming out to my parents. Not because my disinterest in relationships has ever come up with them. I think I could be single forever and they would never ask about it. They probably feel that it's my business who I do or do not date. But being aromantic is such a big factor in how I plan my life. Right now I'm looking for an apartment and I'm thinking about getting one with three rooms so I can find two flat mates to live with me. Because I don't plan to ever live with a partner and I don't think I would like living alone in the long run. So when I discuss my apartment plans I feel I should tell them but it feels a bit to complicated to bring up just as a side note while talking about estimated values or whatever. I think they might get kinda confused about the concept so I want to have a good moment to explain.

On 2016-10-31 at 2:47 PM, Cassiopeia said:

Edward Gorey? I have seen some aroace rumours about him. He said he was ace and the aro part is just a theory.

 

@Holmbo

wow, that diagram. So, you have to be aro and romo at the same time to be possibly homo...otherwise not a chance guys, sorry.  Charming.

It looks like someone let a drunk chimpanzee cut out sentences from a gossip mag and make a collage.  Where is it from? What kind of point is it trying to make? I'm truly curious.

 

 

I know it's kinda weird

I just think they wanted to present some different information and jokes about this topic and didn't put that much thought into it.

Yes it's hard to say about historical people. They could also have been homoromantic and therefore not interested in marrying women.

I tried searching for "famous aromatics" and came across this venndiagram which made me laugh.

1504

I totally thought I was straight for a long time and just needed to find "the one". I tried, for many years, dating guys I found attractive but usually lost interest after the first or second date. I used to think it was because I just had very specific interests and I couldn't connect with someone who didn't share them. So the drop to that theory was when I connected with a guy who did share those interests and then felt nothing about it once we went on a date. That was the first time I started to realize I might not actually like men, and I immediately went to lesbian, because I thought the only other option was asexual and that didn't seem to fit. I was quite freaked out by the thought. Not of being a lesbian but of having gone so long without realizing it. Then I started to think about how I had never been in love, google some phrases related to that and found the term aromantic. I feel it fits extremely well and even though I'm not entirely sure about my sexual orientation still, I know that perusing a romantic relationship is not the way to figure it out.

1464

I haven't told anyone except my closest friends, and a few guys who were persistent in asking me out on a date.
It's not due to shyness or anything. It just hasn't come up. The closest thing I've come to the topic is when my mom and I talked about women having grandchildren and I was

curious how she'd feel if none of us kids had any children. If she'd be dissapointed. She said she wouldn't be and she'd totally respect our choices if we decided not to have any. I'll probably tell them at some point though. They'd be interested to know.

I agree with you who posted about coming out would be good just to spread the word to people who are aromantic without knowing that's a thing. Think how lucky we are to be born in a time of internet.

I really agree with this. I might show this video to one of my romantic friends to see what she feels about it.

I had trouble coming up with a good title for this topic.

My question is do you know of anyone who is famous in some context other than a LGBTA and is aromantic?

I'm asking because I listen to a podcast called invisibilia where they did an episode on Daniel Kish who is an expert in human echolocation which allows blind people to see by using click noises. In the episode they mentioned that he is aromantic. They didn't use the term but it was very clear that's what they meant.

I thought perhaps we could make a list. If anyone has more people to add?

On 2016-10-20 at 5:59 PM, Mark said:

I've never encountered this concept before.

I recommend it. You can also arrange different specific activities and meet people that way. Me and a guy met up to make a meal including crickets, because we both wanted to try it.

8 hours ago, Mark said:

Possibly also finding out their orientations before hand too.

 

There isn't really a good term for (queer) platonic "date". Certainly not that most people would understand.
Also many aros are interested in romantic coded things (including sexual relationships)...

I'm thinking couchsurfing is a good way to kinda "date" platonically. It's a site were people can offer to host people who're visiting their city. Or just to meet up and show them around. I've hosted a few people and it's always been a good time. You go out eating, get to know one another. A few times I think they would have been open to sex had I wanted it. And there's no expectation of any romance because they are just there for a few days at the most.

On 2016-08-15 at 10:01 AM, LJ_84 said:

I once had a friend who cried about her partner that he never had time for her and doesn't care for their child and so on. She sounded very sad and frustated, so I said "Why don't you break up with him then and kick him off your home?" She gave me a really shocked look and said "How can you say that?! I love him!" oO Sorry, but I don't get you? If you cry about your relationship and how bad it is and how unhappy you are, it makes me think you would be better without him?

 

(Not sure if this was an aro or autism thing)

I feel the same thing so it's probably an aro thing. I can understand that people's emotions are not always guiding them to do what makes them happy. I too can feel the urge to do things that makes me feel bad. But to not even be aware of it. It's like if someone was eating nothing but junk food and getting health problems and responding with "but I wan't to eat this food". What you want has nothing to do with it. It's making you feel bad, so don't do it.

I used to like the occasional dating before I realized I was aro.
I would meet a guy at a club and think he was handsome. We'd dance and make out and exchange numbers (often he wanted me to come home with him but I never felt like it). First dates was often a lot of fun. You have this really intense conversations when you're trying to get to know the person and make good impressions at the same time. But it never went anywhere because I was not interested in either sex or a romantic relationship. I just thought it was fun getting to know someone.

I probably wouldn't feel confortable dating anyone know without explaining my romantic and sexual orientation first. Because otherwise I would be so concious of the person I'm with possibly expecting some very different thing from the date than I am. But in principle I'd love to go on dates again.

Also, there's not really much difference between a romantic date and just to people getting to know each other better platonically. Do you feel like you specifically want a romantic date?