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yurihands

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About yurihands

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    Member
  • Birthday 12/18/1991

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    demiromantic lesbian
  • Gender
    nonbinary (not a woman)
  • Pronouns
    they/them

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  1. If some of you remember this game, then I'd be damn amazed. This is Threads of Fate (aka Dewprism) which is a SUPER underrated square game from the late 90s-early 2000s. It's an RPG platformer about a boy and a girl on a quest to find a magical relic. What's really fascinating about this game, is that despite picking between a boy and a girl, they aren't meant to be blank slates at all. They are actually their own characters with their own stories and motives. (which is good because then it's less pressuring for us that are gender nonconforming) When I grew up with this game, I imagined some romance was implied but it wasn't something I particularly cared for. The boy character Rue lives with a woman named Clair who takes him in and they live together. She ends up getting murdered and the reason he wants the relic is to revive her. If you've been through stories like this over and over, of course you'd think there'd eventually be a romantic plot going on with this. The thing is tho, is that Rue has always considered Clair as his friend and someone who was more like an older sister to him. That changes everything. The girl character you play as, get this, is a princess. BUT both her and her sister Maya are actually not required to be with a prince AT ALL to be queen. Basically, it's a more goofier storyline where she's the bratty princess character who wants the throne for herself and world domination. Everyone in her kingdom thinks she's full of shit and straight up tells her that her younger sister is far more qualified to be queen. They base it all ENTIRELY on responsibility and behavior and she's like a total rebel who fights against it, which I look back on this and think this writing is way more feminist than the shit they pulled with Kairi in Kingdom Hearts. (They make her a princess with her own keyblade and then push her back from getting any redeemable character development) A huge CW tho, Rue's story might be pretty triggering because he's a shapeshifter who can turn into monsters. I feel like that's enough of an allegory for us to interpret him as aromantic even more. One of the characters he rescues in the beginning of the game calls him "Polly", one of the monsters he can transform into that's like a pollywog type creature. He then begins to question himself if he actually is a monster which is really depressing and even relatable for us with internalized arophobia. I'd also like to think the shapeshifter part of him could backup a genderfluid interpretation as well, I'm genderfluid and often think of myself this way. So why didn't anyone play this game? Idk, I guess because there wasn't a sliver of romance to be found.
  2. Sorry for the confusion! My mind was mostly focused on how awful it felt seeing the conversations in here about arospec specifically. People were talking about gender already and so I thought it was a good time to add in my thoughts.
  3. I think a lot of the debating that went on in here about those who feel like "aspec" shouldn't even be a thing... reminds me a lot about the issues we deal with in the trans community. It is SUCH an overwhelming issue when nonbinary people are gatekept from the trans community due to pretentious opinions like "you need this, this this and this in order to be trans" "you're either male or you're female, pick one" or even "sure nonbinary people are real but being trans is totally different." Despite me being new to the aro community, the stuff I've seen so far isn't nearly as bad as how we deal with this in the trans community. Trans people are extremely hypervisible now to the point where if a conservative trans person makes a youtube channel, the majority of transphobes will watch them just to validate their own transphobia. The reason why a lot of trans people are so aggressive like this is due to their own internalized transphobia. This, and they want to be accepted by cis people so much that they will do anything to be seen as valid. They struggle with being trans so much, that they view people who are nonbinary or don't transition as like a major threat to them and even to their own transition. They experience so much pain being trans, that anyone who identifies as such but are different than them don't TRULY understand how they feel. It's a reason why terms like "truscum" or "trutrans" exist, it's because they believe that only they can be the real, true, trans person. But we argue that nonbinary people have always been a part of the trans community. It's not an ahistorical concept, the white stripe is even used in the trans flag in order to include us. Sure one of it's meanings can represent transition, but it could also represent people who lack gender or blur the lines between gender. Which brings me to my next point, look at our own aromantic flag. Even if some of you think there's no such thing as greyromanticism or it should be separate from being aromantic, then why is the grey stripe included on the flag? The flag that's used on this very site? Not to mention the people who run this forum specifically made it so that people who are grey or on the spectrum can feel included too and be able to explore themselves without any fear of judgement. If you believe that gender can be this giant colorful spectrum, and that trans and nonbinary can both be overlapping umbrellas, then why can't it be like that for the aspectrum?
  4. Thank you so much for sharing! I think it be a good idea setting boundaries with whatever medical provider you see that you're not comfortable disclosing that information. Your confidentiality is important and if you don't feel safe coming out as aro and how much that impacts your life, then you have the right to keep that information with yourself. It's also best if you share it with someone that you trust and know they wouldn't do that to you! BTW GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!!!! I finally had session today and it seems like there were some misunderstandings. I talked about my feelings in depth with my therapist and he surprisingly took it very well? He told me the reason why he told me I'm probably overthinking it is because I asked for that advice. When I was talking about it with him, he got the impression that it was affecting my relationship still, he thought that things were going really healthy between me and my girlfriend. He didn't realize it did have a huge impact on me however which is why I wanted to keep talking about it. The reason why he interrupted me on the phone was because he wanted to know what I had meant by being aromantic. He had no intention of invalidating or hurting my feelings. I got to explain more in depth with him about it and I'm really glad that the communication got a lot better... so thank you all so much for telling me to keep trying my best! I was honestly really scared about all this ; __ ;
  5. I suggest listening to Rina Sawayama's new album This entire album has nothing to do with romance whatsoever. It's about dealing with racism, capitalism, and reclamation of identity. It also touches over things like missing your ex best friend, self love and chosen family. I honestly can't recall ever going through an entire album that didn't have not one love song... it actually felt really refreshing tbh.
  6. aaa is it ok if you post the link to that thread? I'd like to see more people's experiences with that! Especially if the therapists were supposed to be "inclusive" also god i'm really sorry about that T__T I really hope you'll be able to find a good accepting therapist too!
  7. I've seen relationship anarchy as a thing! If that's something that resonates with you, maybe you should look more into it? I've also seen the term "non hierarchical" polyamory/non monogamy. It's when you don't experience primary/secondary relationship structures. EDIT: I'm reading further into this too! I know here it says sexual and romantic relationships, but it can be applied to other dynamics too http://www.relationship-anarchy.com/videos/2016/6/20/the-difference-between-relationship-anarchy-and-non-hierarchical-polyamory
  8. I find it really interesting that between only interested in non monogamy and not caring about either relationship structure, it's still a tie. It's validating to see since it shows that there's no wrong way to be aro, your relationships can be whatever shape and size you want it to be or not be obligated to have those kinds of relationships at all.
  9. yeah! I've had really bad experiences with therapists. Like the transphobic cis lady I mentioned about earlier, I TRIED to find out what her views on nonbinary people were sooner and I kept being told that I couldn't do that with therapists. I needed to come in first and see how I liked them but I don't really agree with this sort of approach. I do have insurance, but some therapists that I needed to see didn't accept my kind of insurance so I'd often have to deal with sliding scales or paying for the whole thing x___X thankfully tho, I haven't been paying in cash for this current one I've been seeing
  10. i'm really sorry about this!! i thought maybe more therapists would know about this by now (especially within relationship counseling) but i guess it's gonna take a lot more work seeking the right one and asking their knowledge about it beforehand!
  11. welcome fellow aro ex scene kid i also used to own kandi bracelets myself back in the day LMAO
  12. Your mom is demisexual and did that to you? That's massively messed up. I'm new to the aro community and it makes me really sad to see the conflicts happening with aces. I really hope that she'll come around to accept you because that's just totally unacceptable. I'm a lesbian, but as someone who used to ID as bi and pan, I know how to feels to be slut shamed. In fact, even if I am a lesbian I don't think I'll ever stop being slut shamed. Not only because I just realized that I'm also aro, but because I'm polyamorous too. My parents especially made me feel very miserable for being the stereotypical polyamorous queer. (Even tho sex was always so hard to access) Being queer overall leads to a lot of sex shaming, that we're all perverted deviants. It's something that a lot of us unfortunately can't escape. I wouldn't blame you for having internalized biphobia for this, your bisexuality is valid and you have the right to own your sexual autonamy. You are also free to present yourself however you like! Altho if it feels unsafe doing it around your mom and other family, you can always look into safe spaces where people won't judge you for something like that.
  13. Hey, as someone who has BPD I may be able to explain what's going on with you. A lot of borderlines experience something called a "favorite person" (FP for short) it's when you obsess over someone so much, you basically dedicate all your time and energy into them. Favorite people aren't always romantic or sexual interests, they can legit be anyone you know. You are not evil for experiencing this, I can't sit here and armchair diagnose you with BPD but I just want to let you know that. People with this condition are often stigmatized as being evil or monsters, and it's pretty messed up!! Of course there are times where our behavior can be pretty problematic, this is why we need to get the treatment and the help we need for this. Having a favorite person can be quite exhausting, not just to the people, but also ourselves. It's like you can never get this person out of your head, you're constantly messaging them and doing whatever it takes to get their attention, no matter how over the top. You basically burn yourself out too and it's not healthy for either one involved! We also experience pretty bad abandonment issues and other types of trauma. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is a type of treatment that was made for people with BPD. I personally do EMDR and it helps me understand the root of my obsessive behaviors a lot! BTW, hypersexuality is one of the symptoms for BPD! (this can also play into manic as well for people with bipolar)
  14. It has honestly been pretty difficult coming to terms that I can be aromantic at all. A huge deal I've been making in therapy is having a better, stable relationship with my girlfriend. My spiritual practices and treatment with this therapist for about a year has helped a lot with that. However, most of the time I was crying in therapy because I wanted to feel sexually intimate with my girlfriend again. My girlfriend is asexual but had always initiated sex with me when we used to be in person, when we became long distance that ended up changing and was becoming less interested in sex. My girlfriend and I are doing a lot better. I actually showed her a few screenshots of some of your messages (felinelicks and nonmerci) and was really happy for me for getting the support I needed! We had a really good conversation about our orientations that left me feeling a lot better. I explained that even though I'm really romantically attracted to her, I started realizing that I had more of a sexual orientation than a romantic one. I wasn't feeling very proud of that and felt like I was objectifying her since those were the feelings she's often struggled with as an asexual person. She told me she knows how I truly feel however, what really matters is that we still love each other, despite our different orientations. So yeah, I am still a bit hurt that he did that, but I'm hoping him bringing up about couple's experiencing different sexualities and romanticisms were genuinely true. I wonder if me talking about this will help him understand a little better!
  15. aaa thanks!! i guess i'll think more about how to approach him with this... this has been really helpful!! AA thanks for congratulating me too!! it's been really hard due to the corona, i'm also hoping it'll get accepted by my insurance! I'm really sorry it's been difficult for you to gain access ; __ ;
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