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yurihands

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About yurihands

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 12/18/1991

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    demiromantic lesbian
  • Gender
    nonbinary (not a woman)
  • Pronouns
    they/them

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  1. Sorry for the confusion! My mind was mostly focused on how awful it felt seeing the conversations in here about arospec specifically. People were talking about gender already and so I thought it was a good time to add in my thoughts.
  2. I think a lot of the debating that went on in here about those who feel like "aspec" shouldn't even be a thing... reminds me a lot about the issues we deal with in the trans community. It is SUCH an overwhelming issue when nonbinary people are gatekept from the trans community due to pretentious opinions like "you need this, this this and this in order to be trans" "you're either male or you're female, pick one" or even "sure nonbinary people are real but being trans is totally different." Despite me being new to the aro community, the stuff I've seen so far isn't nearly as bad as how we deal with this in the trans community. Trans people are extremely hypervisible now to the point where if a conservative trans person makes a youtube channel, the majority of transphobes will watch them just to validate their own transphobia. The reason why a lot of trans people are so aggressive like this is due to their own internalized transphobia. This, and they want to be accepted by cis people so much that they will do anything to be seen as valid. They struggle with being trans so much, that they view people who are nonbinary or don't transition as like a major threat to them and even to their own transition. They experience so much pain being trans, that anyone who identifies as such but are different than them don't TRULY understand how they feel. It's a reason why terms like "truscum" or "trutrans" exist, it's because they believe that only they can be the real, true, trans person. But we argue that nonbinary people have always been a part of the trans community. It's not an ahistorical concept, the white stripe is even used in the trans flag in order to include us. Sure one of it's meanings can represent transition, but it could also represent people who lack gender or blur the lines between gender. Which brings me to my next point, look at our own aromantic flag. Even if some of you think there's no such thing as greyromanticism or it should be separate from being aromantic, then why is the grey stripe included on the flag? The flag that's used on this very site? Not to mention the people who run this forum specifically made it so that people who are grey or on the spectrum can feel included too and be able to explore themselves without any fear of judgement. If you believe that gender can be this giant colorful spectrum, and that trans and nonbinary can both be overlapping umbrellas, then why can't it be like that for the aspectrum?
  3. I suggest listening to Rina Sawayama's new album This entire album has nothing to do with romance whatsoever. It's about dealing with racism, capitalism, and reclamation of identity. It also touches over things like missing your ex best friend, self love and chosen family. I honestly can't recall ever going through an entire album that didn't have not one love song... it actually felt really refreshing tbh.
  4. I've seen relationship anarchy as a thing! If that's something that resonates with you, maybe you should look more into it? I've also seen the term "non hierarchical" polyamory/non monogamy. It's when you don't experience primary/secondary relationship structures. EDIT: I'm reading further into this too! I know here it says sexual and romantic relationships, but it can be applied to other dynamics too http://www.relationship-anarchy.com/videos/2016/6/20/the-difference-between-relationship-anarchy-and-non-hierarchical-polyamory
  5. I find it really interesting that between only interested in non monogamy and not caring about either relationship structure, it's still a tie. It's validating to see since it shows that there's no wrong way to be aro, your relationships can be whatever shape and size you want it to be or not be obligated to have those kinds of relationships at all.
  6. welcome fellow aro ex scene kid i also used to own kandi bracelets myself back in the day LMAO
  7. Your mom is demisexual and did that to you? That's massively messed up. I'm new to the aro community and it makes me really sad to see the conflicts happening with aces. I really hope that she'll come around to accept you because that's just totally unacceptable. I'm a lesbian, but as someone who used to ID as bi and pan, I know how to feels to be slut shamed. In fact, even if I am a lesbian I don't think I'll ever stop being slut shamed. Not only because I just realized that I'm also aro, but because I'm polyamorous too. My parents especially made me feel very miserable for being the stereotypical polyamorous queer. (Even tho sex was always so hard to access) Being queer overall leads to a lot of sex shaming, that we're all perverted deviants. It's something that a lot of us unfortunately can't escape. I wouldn't blame you for having internalized biphobia for this, your bisexuality is valid and you have the right to own your sexual autonamy. You are also free to present yourself however you like! Altho if it feels unsafe doing it around your mom and other family, you can always look into safe spaces where people won't judge you for something like that.
  8. Hey, as someone who has BPD I may be able to explain what's going on with you. A lot of borderlines experience something called a "favorite person" (FP for short) it's when you obsess over someone so much, you basically dedicate all your time and energy into them. Favorite people aren't always romantic or sexual interests, they can legit be anyone you know. You are not evil for experiencing this, I can't sit here and armchair diagnose you with BPD but I just want to let you know that. People with this condition are often stigmatized as being evil or monsters, and it's pretty messed up!! Of course there are times where our behavior can be pretty problematic, this is why we need to get the treatment and the help we need for this. Having a favorite person can be quite exhausting, not just to the people, but also ourselves. It's like you can never get this person out of your head, you're constantly messaging them and doing whatever it takes to get their attention, no matter how over the top. You basically burn yourself out too and it's not healthy for either one involved! We also experience pretty bad abandonment issues and other types of trauma. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is a type of treatment that was made for people with BPD. I personally do EMDR and it helps me understand the root of my obsessive behaviors a lot! BTW, hypersexuality is one of the symptoms for BPD! (this can also play into manic as well for people with bipolar)
  9. I haven't gotten to the other games nor have I finished sdr2 (I know some spoilers tho) I think aro twogami is really cool
  10. Hey there, fellow arospec lesbian here! Magni is really spot on with everything ze said. I don't even consider myself a woman at all and I'm still a lesbian. The reason why that is, is because I have a really deep history with being a lesbian as well as being gender nonconforming. When I was growing up, I was really drawn to the lesbian label even though I also experienced gender dysphoria. There's a very rich history about gender variance existing in the lesbian community for a really REALLY long time. If you're curious more on this topic, I HIGHLY suggest you read Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. There's a free PDF on hir website even! Gender overall is a spectrum, it's one giant color wheel. So some gender queer people like yourself can also identify as women, it's a lot more common than what modern lesbians online think.
  11. aaa do you wear it specifically on your left middle finger?? I've been wanting to wear rings and i'm curious about trying this idea!!
  12. How would you feel about forming close relationships with people that don't need to actually be romantic? like being able to flirt, be close and intimate without needing to force yourself to keep those feelings? maybe you can do this with open minded people, if they're aro too that might be even better. always communicate with people your feelings about what you can do to meet both of your needs!
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