Lovebird

I am certainly sure of my romantic & platonic orientation, but have been questioning my sexuality recently. I've been saying I am pansexual, and while I'm still attached to that term, I wonder if I'm greysexual too 

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Kepler22-b

Kissing, specifically on the lips. I wouldn't kiss a friend personally but it's really fun to imagine.

I do have a boyfriend I can do it with, but he's on the other side of that world :/ 

I was meant to go this Adelaide this June, but due to tight money, it's already too late to say yes. I also wanted to put my name down for Perth as well, but that most likely won't happen either. 

My dream destination is the Northern Territory, despite it's blistering heat, it's a beautiful place with a rich and vibrant Indigenous culture and history. 

I am autistic and cognitively/intellectually disabled, I use the terms disabled and neurodivergent interchangeably.  

I found it when I realised that while I didn't have romantic attraction often, I fantasised having a romantic relationship regardless. I was hesitant to call myself cupio- though as I heard rumours the label was "problematic" but after that dispelled, it's a term I strongly relate to now. 

On 5/14/2022 at 8:14 PM, RepublicServicesVolunteer said:

I don't understand why disabled folks would lose their possessions if they entered romantic relationships. Are you able to expand further on that?

Also, are people giving you a hard time because you are in a romantic relationship, or because they want you to be in one?

People mainly give me a hard time because I am in a romantic relationship, my parents don't think the romantic feelings I harbour for my spouse are real because of my cognitive disabilities, despite us being together for four years. 

I think disabled people are the biggest victims of amatonormitvity, though it may not sound like it - it heavily implies only those who are the best mentally and physically possible should be allowed to do thing an average person should, many cannot either cannot be in romantic relationships or even get married because either society tells them not to, or they'll lose their pensions or benefits if doing so. 

As a disabled arospec myself, I've been given more grief over me being in a romantic relationship than I have being greyro, that's how bad it is. 

2 hours ago, Arsenic said:

I was curious about this topic because I recently discovered the term alter-human/non-human. A part of me thought that actually almost no one feels human at all, but apparently that's not something as usual as I thought. It remembered me of that time when I believed that romantic attraction and sexual attraction where not something real at all, and finding that they are was an...interesting surprise. Same with the topic of being non-human.

Yeah, I discovered the term alter-human a while back as well, before that I kinda used to say I was 'otherkin' but it still didn't fully fit what I felt, but I was afraid to call myself anything remotely non-human because I didn't want to seem 'crazy' or 'cringe'. I always knew I didn't feel truly human, but it was David Bowie who partially inspired me to embrace my non-human identity, the media always called him an 'alien' due to his eccentric looks & personality, and while I don't think he ever stated he never felt like a person, I think he certainly showed it more than he told it. 

I don't feel human at all, more like an alien from another planet. Maybe it's due to me being neurodivergant and being treated like I'm not human when I was younger, but reclaimed it to a more positive idea; I'm not human, and that is okay. 

Only child. Besides me, only one other member of my dad's side of the family, my cousin, is openly gay, we've only seen each other once as he was from England, though he moved to New Zealand a year later. 

Pfft, no way! *shoves them all under the bed* 

Funny enough, I saw a similar thread on the aromantic subreddit, only including our star sign-

Greyro INFJ  

Internet surfing, birds, religion, astrology, politics, true crime, ASMR, cooking, drawing and art in general 

I'm Asensualflux, meaning my feelings on sensual attraction fluctuate a lot. 

I've had similar thoughts that lead to my conclusion I'm aplatonic too. I enjoy hanging out with and, of course, befriending people - but I don't feel that intense desire for a full connection, if we click, we click, if we don't, we'll just stay acquaintances. I've had close and best friends before, but we've typically drifted apart due to different interests or life circumstances. 

1 hour ago, user444 said:

Also, this probably isn't related to aplatonicism, but I feel repulsed by the idea of cuddling/kissing my friends. Feeling this could simply mean you don't like physical touch with your friends, but people commenting on how odd it was for me to hate it is what got me questioning. And also not relating to the way many aromantics prioritize their friends/platonic love. (Which isn't bad, I just felt different enough to look into it)

I hope this helped a little bit, good luck on your questioning journey!

I think it can be related to aplatonicism. I feel the same way, I refuse to be physically affectionate with my friends, not because I don't want to, I kind of wish to, but the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I can only see myself being affectionate with my boyfriend. It feels a bit lonely being an aplatonic person in the aro community, they talk about how much they love their friends and I just sit there like "How does that feel??" Doesn't help that because I'm greyro, I experience more romantic attraction than I do platonic, which constantly makes me the odd one out in many aro spaces.  

I don't particularly care for QP ships, but I think Saiki & Mera from The Disastrous Life of Saiki K is perfect for it. A lot of people headcanon the protagonist as acearo (sometimes aplatonic), and canonically Mera is one of the few people he actually tolerates (She's a waitress who can make his favourite dessert perfectly, he starts getting to know her better after this).  

3 hours ago, Nix said:

Do you mean that your desire increased because you feel you ‘have to’ have some sort of relationship to be considered really aro? If it helps you to know, I also don’t want a QPR. I love hanging out with my friends and I feel really connected to them, but I do not feel any desire to be in a QPR with any of them. And I am really comfortable with the aromantic label. I guess I am trying to say that you are the one that decides what being aro means to you.

"I feel like a monster" as in, for being greyro yet experiencing more romantic attraction than platonic attraction. Because I once saw someone say that anyone who does that is "some kind of psychopath" or "obviously faking it" and it's got me wondering if I am actually welcome in aro spaces.  

My desire actually increased after I learnt I was arospec. When I expressed my angst in not having one, people would say "Just get a QPR instead!" but I didn't want one like that because I was aplatonic (not that I knew that was a word at the time), it made me feel like some kind of monster who wasn't really aro for even thinking of wanting one. And I still feel that burden today. 

Only partially out online. I'm scared coming out in real life because I worry everyone won't believe me due to being already being in a serious romantic relationship.  

I honestly can't remember, I know of the stereotype of primary school aged kids kissing in the playground but that never really happened in my school? Or I was just completely oblivious and that stuff did happen. Some of my classmates had the high school sweethearts thing but even then that wasn't as common as society made it out to be. 

I only remember having three crushes myself, 2 in primary school and 1 in high school, both didn't last very long but it was fun while they lasted. 

1 hour ago, Nix said:

Ah I see. Sucks that services like that suffer from underfunding. We have similar agencies here in the Netherlands, but I understand from my former neighbour who has a disability that it takes a looooong time to actually get them to fund anything substantial. He finally got to move to a house that is accomodating to his needs but it took 3 years…

I really hope you get a spot for the next trip! ☀️

A lot of people think it's only in America where disabled people are treated poorly, but in Australia, it's not much better. Sure we actually earn some money but it's just as hard to access services and acquire the pension as it's become such strict criteria because of "welfare fraud" fear mongering.  

4 hours ago, Nix said:

That is so cool! Glad to hear you had a great time :)

I understand the service you use has a limited amount of spots. How do they determine if you can come if I may ask?

The quicker you pick, the more likely you are to get in. Some have certain spot limits (ie. 20 people per trip). It also helps to have plan funding, (The disability service I use is connected to the NDIA - an agency that funds the lives of people with disabilities to be more independent, activities funded include social, mental, physical, and more. Though it's definitely not without flaws) to actually do things, but because of recent underfunding among clients in recent years, some can only do 1-3 trips a year.   

On 3/24/2022 at 12:42 PM, merlindfluorite said:

So many places claim to be accessible or disability friendly & then just fall down, I'm glad you've found a trustworthy service so you can travel. Getting everything organised and planned out can be so stressful, you end up needing double the holiday!

I just, right now, came back from a trip exploring around Southwest Victoria. It was amazing, and honestly preferable to most international travel. I have also signed up to go to Adelaide in June, fingers crossed I'm in. 🤞🏻 

I don't like the idea of me traveling completely on my own due to my disabilities, so I currently travel with a disability service that offers those opportunities, nationally and internationally. 

When I do gain enough independence and I live with my boyfriend, I hope to do some travelling with him in future.