alto

I have a sunset flag hoodie :D 

You sound very neutral to me?

Good garlic bread.  Is amazing.

Also frogs are sort of cool.  I would say cats are cooler, but I am biased *coughcough cat therian coughcough*

In middle school, I had a huge crush on this one cis girl who barely knew I existed.  When I got a bit older, I crushed on this other cis girl who knew I existed.  I thought she wasn't interested though.

That's harassment.  I have no idea what to do about it, but that is harassment and the school should do something.

Ok.  That isn't normal behavior.  That is REALLY REALLY bad.  Feel free to...feel free to punch him in the face.  If he thinks he can be the exception to your orientation, and it isn't real and it's made up...this guy doesn't deserve your time, love, or attention.

Damn.  All we have to do is wait for this generation to take over TV and movies.  We'll have it made!

I experience infatuation, and I hate it.  It makes me overlook so many red flags.  

I once dreamed I had a very soft and sweet moment with a friend of mine...but the dream ended with him asking me to murder him.  Not forgetting that one in a hurry.

So a dude that I've been talking to lately says that considers QPRs "romantic".  Are they romantic?  If not, how are they different from romance?  What makes them different?

is everything alright now?

I haven't phantomshifted in over a decade, but yea, I get how that LITERALLY feels.

I'm offended at your general hypocrisy

That is so cool!  Congratulations!

hey there!  I just sent you a Discord add request!

That's how I feel about a few of my friends (maybe poly)

I am coming to realize that I may have trouble getting the sort of intimacy I want in my life.

I have 2 really good friends.  I am really grateful for them, and the role they play in my life.  I talk to them almost every day.  

I am planning on living VanLife when I graduate college.  Today I asked my friends if they would be interested in travelling with me, one said no, the other said he'd think about it.  I also have a couple of other close friends.  One said "no" outright, and the other simply hasn't responded.  

I am astonished.  I thought my friends were closer to me than this.  I mean I don't expect my friends to drop everything and hop into my van.  But I had hoped to spend my life with these friends, and it seems like they don't want the same thing.

I did find a travel companion.  This person has been on the road for a while now, is experienced, can show me the ropes, and gave me a "probable yes".  He is wonderful.  I enjoy his company.  However, I was really hoping to live with one of my original close friends in the future, and it seems like I'm not gonna have that.  And that is killing me inside.  

I imagine it's a lot like being in an arranged marriage when you're really in love with someone else.  I love my friends and want to be with them, but I can't do that and travel.  I don't think I can even be with them even if I don't travel.  One prefers our lives to be separate, and the other would prefer to live alone.  So I don't think my friends even want to be with me the way I want to be with them.  I guess what it comes down to is that I'm not sure my friends value me as much as I value them.  I fear that it's going to be a lonely life, even with my travel companion.  I don't think he'll ever want to cuddle me.  Even if he did, he's allosexual, so I fear that would open a whole new can of worms.  Also, he's not one of my close friends, so it just wouldn't be as special somehow.  I just...how hard does it have to fucking be to find a best friend who will travel with you?  Is it really so difficult?  Why are my best friends either unsure of the whole thing, just plain don't want to, live overseas, or are just closed minded to the possibility?  Is the prospect of a life with me really so horrendous?  Is the prospect of living an alternative lifestyle really so threatening?  Is the prospect of going on the road long-term really that scary?  One of my friends complains a lot about the fact that he can't get a girlfriend, and I imagine it feels a lot like how I am feeling right now.  He has to face the prospect of life without the sort of intimacy he wants; I have to face the prospect of a life without the kind of intimacy I want.  And that makes me really sad.  How hard can it be to find a person I "click" with, who will be a good, close friend, that is also willing to travel?  Apparently nearly impossible.

Damn it all to hell.

hey!

welcome!

On 10/3/2023 at 7:57 AM, Dobby said:

I really appreciate your offer about talking further, I will think about this. It's really nice of you, and maybe it could help but at the same time I don't want to bother you haha. And I also try not to rely on individuals too much especially about sensitive topics, because at some point they leave and it's something I don't manage really well. 

But anyway, thank you very much (and thank you for the huuug <3)

You wouldn't be bothering me.

You're welcome!  <3

Awesome.

I'm offended that you don't explain what generation loss is.

welcome!

*virtual hug*

I don't really know what to say to that, but if you want to talk further, we can.  I have bipolar disorder, and depression is part of that.  I myself have not been depressed for many years, I have almost forgotten what it is like, but I remember being constantly sad and feeling hopeless about my future.  Remember that people have been having this experience for thousands of years.  You are not alone by any means, even if you feel alone right now.

PM me for my Discord info, if you want to talk further.  Please keep in mind that I am not a therapist, just a peer.

welcome!