Neon

11 hours ago, dragons_and_cake said:

The first two are picrews that I made myself

ooh what picrew is that, it looks really good

I want to clarify that this is an aromantic forum (little to no romantic attraction to others), not a romantic forum.

That being said, if you want to know how he feels, ask him. And be honest with him about your feelings. And have that conversation sooner rather than later.

I fully agree with @hemogoblin here. I would also add that you don't need anyone's permission but your own to ID as arospec, aromantic, or literally any other sexuality/identity term. You know your brain better than anyone else, and if a label is helpful and useful, then use it. You can't hurt anyone.

The idea that you should change in order to be in a relationship. There's a difference between repressing your personality and making reasonable compromises. Luckily I've seen a shift from this recently, but I've also seen it re-surging in the alpha male type stuff.

12 hours ago, Lovebird said:

Idk who needs to hear this but calling people psychos/crazy/mentally ill for experiencing romantic attraction

8 hours ago, nonmerci said:

there is the "we are aro not psycho" discourse

I’ve mostly seen the ableism in the reaction to being called neurodivergent (or whatever term the bigot chooses to use). People put down neurodivergent people to defend against the aphobia, implying that the ableism is okay.

On 3/4/2023 at 4:07 PM, frittatacrisis said:

but another part - an anxious part - is telling me that i am just making it up

I struggled a lot of this when I was questioning. A few things helped me. 1) it doesn't hurt anyone to use the label and be wrong. If it's useful now, use it now. You can always discard it later. 2) labels aren't meant to be boxes that perfectly contain all of your experiences ever. You don't have to relate to every experience any aromantic person has ever had to be aromantic, and you can have experiences that don't perfectly map onto the dictionary definition of aromanticism and be aromantic. 3) if you were making it all up, you would know. It would be a conscious choice.

I also spent a while using "aro-spec" because that was more comfortable.

I don't really have much else to add. You hit the nail on the head a lot there, and I absolutely see myself in some of you experiences. If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer regarding my journey, and what I know from others.

The intersection of aplatonic/loveless and aromanticism, aromanticism's effect on feelings towards friends and family, and exclusionism within the community.

Those are all topics I've picked up on, but I've never seen them fully fleshed out.

To me, art is deliberate. It is the result of countless decisions and effort. Despite being called "articifical intellegence" the programs used to create "AI art" are not intellegent. They just look at their samples and put the bit that is most likely to come after the last bit. Think of your phone's suggestive text. It's that, but with images. There is no decision making. No effort. No point (not even to just have fun).

To me, art is meaningful. AI art is meaningless.

(and then you get into how its literally just theft and that there are no laws to adequately address it, but I don't think I could give that topic justice)

Not so much for me. The way I describe it is that it is like watching a documentary about dishwashers. It can be interesting, even fascinating at some points. But at the end of the day, I don't care.

wool

My best advice here is to be upfront. Be explicit that you only see them as a friend. You don't have to out yourself, just say something like "yeah, I love to hang out with my friends".

59 minutes ago, Guest Aro said:

not having a girlfriend/boyfriend is an alerting clue that something bad is going on with the teen's family/social life/mental health

I didn't know quite what was strange to me about those situations until approximately 10 seconds ago, thank you for giving me the words to phrase this.

2099

"Why do you dislike [completely harmless thing]?!" idk dude it's just not something I enjoy. it isn't that deep. I especially hate it when people make it out to be a moral issue.

On 2/12/2023 at 3:10 PM, hemogoblin said:

Ask yourself this: is aromantic/asexual a useful term for me now? Not tomorrow, not in two years, not in ten years, not in fifty years. Is aromantic/asexual a useful term for you now? Does it help communicate with others what your current feelings/experiences are? Do you want to ID as aromantic/asexual? Do you relate to the experiences of others who identify as aromantic/asexual?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you can be aromantic/asexual!

THIS!!!

You don't have to be 100% sure to use a label that makes you feel comfortable. And if down the line it no longer fits, that's okay. If it's useful now, use it.

I don’t really care, but I find the marketing annoying. And I’m annoyed that people no longer let me express criticism since I came out. On the other hand it makes my family happy to celebrate with me, and it makes me happy when they are happy.

9

Just because you technically fit a label doesn't mean you have to use it. Labels should make you feel comfortable and free. My advice would be to not ID as ace unless you want to and it makes you feel good. I also recommend you check out non-SAM aros (aros that don't use the split attraction model).

144

I really like physical touch. But I don't like it when it is unexpected/unannounced. Someone I am close to just coming up and hugging me from behind is not okay, but that some person doing it after I am aware of their presence and intentions is welcomed. This is more nuanced with people I am not as close to.

I agree with all the sentiments above. I think there's probably a good way to say something like "something IS bothering me, but you've expressed to me before that it isn't something you are comfortable hearing about. I appreciate your concern, and something you can do to help me is _____ (helping me find a therapist, just being there with me, etc.)."

Because you don't want them to think you are hiding things (because you aren't), but you don't want to cross a line, especially one tied to trauma.

6 hours ago, Atypique said:

But animals ?? That doesn't make any sense. I would consider animals a lot more sexual than other things !

I assume that this one comes from the conflation of aromanticism and asexuality. Since people think only humans feel love (probably false), if they think asexual = aromantic, they think asexual people are like animals. It also may come from people who mostly see domesticated animals in media, and thus do not associate animals with sex.

I found Izzy, Iz, Indigo, and Iggy.

2 hours ago, Atypique said:

Oh yeah... Like, are you really taking it seriously? You have a partner and you have to do something? Wow... Sucks to be you.

oh its more embarrassing than that, I just flat out forgot that people date

Some people in a discord I was in were complaining about how they had to cancel valentines plans and it took me 15 minutes to figure out why people have plans on valentines day