Neon

Wanted

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My top song was Silence is Golden by The Beths

I saw a thing where it's like the phases of realizing you are queer. After engaging with the community heavily for a while, most people tend to pull back a little bit, for whatever reason.

I recently realized that I didn't even realize that people felt romantic attraction until 7th grade when it was mentioned in class. And even then, I don't think I accepted it until I accepted I was aro.

First, ask where under the aromantic umbrella they are. They may feel romantic attraction in some scenarios still, so there may be no need to treat this relationship as any different than your others.

If they don't feel romantic attraction at all, they still may like to date, get married, etc.. All the typical romantic things, just without feeling romantic attraction.

The next thing to do is use what they tell you to determine if being in that relationship will bring what you want (some people need romantic attraction returned to feel content for example). If it will, go ahead. If not, respect your own boundaries and break it off.

Best of luck.

Definitely born like this.

I'm offended you mentioned 2 posts above, not just 1

He may be willing to date, many aromantics are. But he also may be stringently opposed to the idea. That being said, even if he does date you, he won't necessarily return your feelings. Even if he is somewhere on the aro spectrum that does feel romantic attraction, there are many nuances, and your feelings being returned is not a guarantee. I would recommend talking to him to figure out where he is on the aro spectrum, and if he does date, if he will give you what you want out of relationships.

1 hour ago, whatistheromance said:

Ahh, ok, so what would the full thing be if that was added?

Transmasculine Intersex Non-binary Desinoromantic Ceteroromantic Gray-asexual Ceterosexual Ceteroplatonic = 98 characters

Some people are intersex but assigned female at birth and identify as a trans guy, you can add intersex on there, and if they're polyamourous, then that can be added as well.

11 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

Many transphobes or aphobes believe (or at least pretend to) that "TRAs" ("trans-radical activists") and aro/ace-activists are the real bigots and need cult deprogramming...So given that how do people actually make up their or shock ... change their minds? I feel like an 👽 please explain, maybe I'm totally wrong.

oh wow. okay. yeah. Honestly, I thought of it because I read a few articles by people in "Karen" videos, where they explain how their loved ones intervened and they went to therapy, and are currently working through all the hatred. So I do think it's possible. Just maybe not by strangers.

15 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

Or they answer with arguments that are nothing to do with what you are saying and get mad when you come back on topic cause "you don't listen to me".

That reminds me a lot of this video. It's not focused on aspec people, but internet arguments in general, but I've definitely made an active effort to stop engaging since then (I will be the first to admit that I was and still am not great at this). Honestly, I don't really think any individual on the internet is going to get someone out of bigotry, except for maybe trained professionals (such as in cult deprogramming).

I think it's a few factors.

1. Biphobia/Transphobia/Ableism. So much of aphobia is just regurgitated biphobia, transphobia, and ableism. With the exception of the disabled community, we are seen as an easier target. In fact, TERFs report that being an ace exclusionist was what set them on the path to being a TERF. I included ableism because of how often aphobia is excused as "well I was talking about disabled people not you so actually it's totally fine" as if that isn't just aphobia and ableism now. And biphobia can be seen in the concept of "straight passing" (which is ludicrous, as that would mean any queer person not actively engaging in PDA with someone of the same gender is straight passing), the idea that we are greedy, and the idea that simply being in any relationship is abuse.

2. Amatonormativity. Romance is a central facet of the modern queer rights movement ("Love is love", etc.), to the point where queer media isn't seen as queer unless two people of the same gender get and stay together. Aromantic people (and trans people, and many other alloromantic queer people) push back on the idea that queerness is defined by being in an active relationship, and that is an uncomfortable challenge to the status quo. Furthermore, romantic love is seen as inherently good (even when used for objectively terrible things). This is compounded with heroes doing anything for love, and villains either being redeemed for feeling love or painted as irredeemable for not feeling love. As a result, aromantic people, especially loveless aros, are immediately perceived as lesser, sometimes even as the villains on the road to queer rights.

3. Misunderstanding/Ignorance. This is really just the result of amatonormativity, but if someone has never seen anything about aromantic or asexual people, or if they've never seen anything about aromanticism or asexuality made by aromantic and asexual people, misunderstandings could lead to bigotry.

4. Just being awful. Some people are going to choose hate no matter how many outs they are given, because they don't want to change. Even confronted with facts, logic, understanding, etc., some people just will not listen.

2 hours ago, EternallyTDB said:

Anyone else think they’re sex indifferent because they’re like 14 but could be sex repulsed for all they know?

You don't have to use those as labels. In general I see them more as current-moment representations of comfort level.

I, for example, am generally romance/sex averse, but sometimes I'm indifferent, and other times I'm repulsed. I use those words and their definitions to gauge if I'm okay with stuff that is going on/going to happen, and plan my actions accordingly.

While using them as labels is undoubtedly useful to some people, don't feel any pressure to nail them down.

The words aren't used, but the characters say they don't feel sexual or romantic attraction, so I'd say it's the same (Not Even Bones/Market of Monsters)

Hi. So without knowing the exact nature of the comments, I can't say for sure if it is sexual harassment or not (I could absolutely see how talking creepily about someones sexual orientation could cross over into talking creepily about someone's sex life, which is sexual harassment).

That being said, if you are in the United States, I suggest you look into your school's Title IX policy, as there may be some actions that can be taken based on the fact that you were discriminated against based on sexual orientation (regardless of if that sexual orientation actually applies to you). Some examples of these options are a)teachers cannot sit you anywhere near him, b) you move classes so you are never in class with him, and/or c) a pseudo-restraining order where he is not allowed to approach you in any fashion while at school. If you are in the US and the Title IX process has not been offered to you, request it. They legally are supposed to offer it, and definitely can't deny letting you talk to the Title IX coordinator.

If you aren't in the US, I would look into policies similar to Title IX, and request that your school does not let that kid near you, in whatever capacity that may entail.

Bullying you because he thinks you are gay is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of your sexual orientation. You did absolutely noting wrong (in fact, I think you did everything right). I wish you the best in all this, and staying safe.

7 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

I think that’s a great idea! What would a less saturated green look like?

these are the current colors:

and here is how I think it should be:

I generally like this, but I think the green header and grey background might look better switched. Or have the green be a little less saturated. Also, the "reason for edit" box is barely readable.

31 minutes ago, Fandom Fanatic said:

But I also can't tell the difference between platonic, alterous, and romantic attraction, so that's complicated.

quoiromantic? That's an arospec identity where you can't differentiate between various attractions. https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Quoiromantic

Obviously I'm not in your brain and can't tell you for sure, but that seems to be what you are describing to me.

51 minutes ago, Ted guy said:

I find people make horrible romantic decisions and I don't understand them.

Even if there is mutual attraction on all sides, that doesn't mean that people are going to be compatible. They could be a bad fit based on things as small as wearing shoes in the house. People shouldn't stay together, or at least not follow the societal-norm path if they can't mesh easily.

Probably my biggest "difference" is how I perceive romantic love. Until I learned about aromanticism, I assumed everyone was faking (and also hurt people inadvertently), and now I think people have a degree of hubris about romantic love, where they justify objectively bad choices by saying that love excuses it. That and a complete lack of interest in romance related things.

My mom and aunt are 17 years apart, and my aunt moved halfway across the country when my mom was still fairly young. They maintained a close relationship, so absolutely something you'll be able to do.

My favorite plant is a quaking aspen. Entire forests can be just one tree, they make their own sunscreen, the leaves moving in the wind is the most beautiful thing, and they are gorgeous in fall.

My current canon favorites are Peridot from Steven Universe and Nita and Kovit from Market of Monsters/Not Even Bones.