Neon

I'm aroace, not aroallo, but I agree. I think a lot people see aromanticism as a microlabel of asexuality, rather than it's own separate thing. I think part of the problem is that the asexual community, as a result of being more well known, controls a lot of the conversation around aromanticism, rather than the aromantic community.

5 hours ago, nonmerci said:

(I still don't get why people think we are more romantic than other countries)

I know very little about history, much less European history, so take this with a grain of salt. If I had to bet, the reason is that France is associated with a lot of romantic-era art, especially music. The romantic era wasn't even about romantic love, it was about the romanticization of life in general and a response to the idea that feelings ought to be discarded. Most of the "romantic" songs to come from it aren't even about romance (I will always be salty about every article about Clair de Lune saying they have no idea what it was about, but it was probably the composer's love interest, as if the literal name isn't a big hint). Since France is so heavily associated with that, it makes sense that the art and culture is similarly misinterpreted (and then that misinterpretation is spread in order to promote tourism).

I have a massive aro flag up in my room, my dad was here for an hour, and I don't think he even noticed. Probably for the best.

On 10/23/2022 at 4:21 AM, DeltaAro said:

I don't think the intention is simply to get this bill passed, though that might happen. Because there's way too much dangerous 3D chess going on.

Still, if it only stokes up enough fear, conspiratorial thinking and intolerance and fractures alliances, this proposal has done its job.

I think it's like the other, local, bills. It does a few things. First, it's really big and makes smaller bills seem more reasonable (and since so many democrats in this country are obsessed with appearing bipartisan, they will be more likely to compromise on the smaller stuff). Next, it makes the concept of anti-queer laws more mainstream, so people are more conditioned to it and don't see future attempts to be as outrageous as they are. Finally, it popularizes bigotry and misconceptions and paints them as genuine things to consider, rather than the vitriolic lies they actually are.

I doubt any but the most extreme politicians have any delusions that this will pass. The annoying thing is that generating discussion and outrage is the point, but not talking about it does more damage. It's a lose-lose situation.

33 minutes ago, A User said:

the more and more i read about this country, the less and less i am inclined to move there

I want to leave more and more every day. I’m genuinely worried for my safety and the safety of the people I care about. And I have a decent amount of privilege here too. My parents are debating if they want to wait for me to finish college before trying to leave.

1 hour ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

There are plenty of women in engineering, though? I’m one, though I am technically a technologist. 

If I may ask, how come you have two baby teeth? I didn’t know it was possible for that to happen. 

From what I can find, women make up about 24.2% of the engineering field (which is up 4% from 2020 so that's nice!). Proportionate to % of population, that's really small. (Also, and I don't fault you for this, I only recently came to terms with it myself, but I said non-cis-man for a reason)

As for the baby teeth, my body decided to just never grow adult teeth in two spots, and since the roots of the baby teeth were long enough, it was better to keep them than pull them out and close the gap/have fake teeth. So they are as permanent as adult teeth are.

19 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

Not to bring problems here, but is there some drama with AVEN and this forum? Or some internal drama going on in AVEN and among its members? 

i don't know much about specific drama, but I had an AVEN account for a while and just found the culture very uncomfortable. There were a few specific things, but they aren't really a big deal and aren't really that interesting. I also believer there was a point at which AVEN was thinking about taking over Arocalypse which made a lot of people mad, but I'm not positive that happened, so don't quote me on it lol.

Recently, I confirmed to myself that I am not cisgender. It's something I've been dancing around for a very long time, but a few days ago it just clicked into place as a fact rather than a possibility.

The problem is, I don't know what to do with that information. I don't have the faintest idea of how to use it. I know what it's supposed to mean, but I don't know what it actually means for me. I don't even know what label(s) fit, or if I want to use them. I don't know literally anything about what I should do now, or what I want to do now.

So, uh, anywhere I can begin?

1. Aromantic Coded Villian

2. Lowkey Jerk

3. Wands

4. Aromantic

2 permanent baby teeth/missing adult teeth

Non-cis-man in engineering

Writes music

Exactly. Privilege implies power over others due to being aroace, which just does not occur. And the straight passing argument is dumb (and rooted in biphobia). Like yes, people may look at an aroace person and assume they are straight, but they may do the same for any member of the queer community not actively engaged in blatantly obvious sexual/romantic activity with someone of the same gender.

@Storm_leopardcatSpecifically, Jaiden said something to the effect of “I still feel platonic love and have empathy, I'm not a monster” (this is NOT an exact quote). The reason that is aphobic is that there are many people who do not feel platonic love, feel disconnected from the concept of love, etc.. (Loveless aros and aplatonic people are the main groups that come to mind). The ableism comes from the part about empathy, as some people with various kinds of neurodivergence have low empathy. With that statement (I don’t actually remember if it was 1 or 2 different statements), Jaiden demonized a lot of people’s everyday existence. I am of the opinion that it wasn’t deliberate (especially since that rhetoric is fairly common in a lot of asexual and some aromantic spaces). I hope this helps. /gen

@Storm_leopardcat the first post here explains it, as well as various other posts here. I don’t remember the exact quote or timestamp anymore

The whole soundtrack for Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

52

Ooh I like that. Mine is "love is love, and just as lovely is lack thereof"

But I feel like "lovely" is the wrong word in that context, so I kind of like your's better.

"Bacon in the Woods"

I recently finished Rebecca Schaeffer's Market of Monsters series, and was stoked when the two main characters were confirmed as arospec (and acespec) in all but words.

It happens in the third book, and in my opinion is really well done.

The first book is called Not Even Bones, and there's a webcomic by that name currently coming out based on the series.

I feel more aro than ace. I believe this is because it has a bigger impact on my life.

I didn't do stereotypical wedding planning as a child. However, I did have an ideal: as non traditional as possible, ending with me objecting and leaving. I do still think that would be very fun, if only to make a statement.

Edit: I just realized this should have clued me in to not wanting to get married way sooner.

(Before I start, I want to blanket this as me not being mad, frustrated, etc.. It's not meant to be an attack, just an examination. My tone can come off weird through text so I want to make sure you know that I don't have some kind of personal vendetta. I just like the current flag and think it works)

47 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

But this remark was meant to be understood in connection with the original explanation for the aro flag, which stated that grey/black represent the sexual spectrum.

So obviously black means asexuality here, and gray graysexuality - while allosexuality is missing a color. We should assume that much shared symbolism between the asexual and aromantic flag.

You linked the original explanation for the flag (which I had previously tried to find and couldn't, so good on you) to defend the idea that the ace and aro flags are linked. When explaining the black and grey stripes, the OP stated: "black-grey - the sexuality spectrum - acknowledging aro-aces, aromantic allosexuals, and everything in between because we are a diverse lot"

They specifically said that aroallos are represented by the black and grey stripes.

50 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

You can't know this. Perhaps a few feel excluded? Also the intent of the flag designer could have been aplatonic exclusion. I don't think so, but it's theoretically possible.

This is fair. But as far as we know, the platonic stripe is not meant to do anything but include how important platonic attraction is to many aros.

52 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

The rainbow flag is the ultimate and original pride flag, going back to the 1970s, and it covers the broadest range possible, since it's for the whole LGBTQ+ community. When it was designed, people didn't knew what would all fall under this umbrella in the future. To be "excluded" here in some way is not even surprising, and it would be far-fetched to suspect an intent.

This is actually the point I'm attempting to make. The rainbow flag represents all queer people, so even if an individual doesn't specifically relate to one stripe, they are still represented by the flag.

56 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

The aro-flag is comparatively new and very specifically meant for one special group, aros. So you cannot really compare those two.

I'd actually argue that there is a comparison, as the aromantic spectrum is very diverse. The flag to represent all of us without having stripes that some of us can't relate to would just be the green stripes.

Instead, the flag represents many things that are important to the aromantic community. Aromanticism/arospec, obviously. Then platonic relationships, as these are also important to much of the community. Then the sexuality spectrum, as this is important to much of the community.

1 hour ago, DeltaV said:

I'm not so sure about this. The rainbow flag represents diversity. What it stands for cannot be explained easily in a single word (or two, or three), since it groups together a wide and complex spectrum of very different sexual orientations, gender and so on.

The US flag obviously represents its federal organization and also its long and varied history from the first thirteen original colonies (stripes) to all the 50 states (stars). Politically the US is complex because of its federalism. I mean it even has a state with a fundamentally different approach to law (Louisiana).

And the lesbian flag... it evolved from the lipstick lesbian flag, which perhaps was meant to look extravagant, colorful and "complex". But the newest iteration has been simplified and the number of stripes was reduced.

My point here was more about how the number of stripes doesn't typically call to mind the complexity or lack thereof of what it's meant to represent.

Now, all that being said, I do have one problem with the current aro flag, and that's how it's often seen as a green asexual flag. I doubt that was the intent of the design (since you can't see any relation with the yellow stripe instead of the white), but it is kind of frustrating. Especially when people try to take that and run with it; adding and removing stripes of each flag to make them fit next to each other, proclaiming their hatred for how the sunset flag doesn't have the ace or aro colors in it (that's the point), claiming the aro flag is bad because it doesn't match the ace flag, etc.. But I don't think that warrants a redesign, just some people who need to engage with the community in more than just memes and flags.

On 7/14/2022 at 8:46 AM, DeltaV said:

Black and grey are for sexuality. But black (as we know from the asexual flag) represents asexuality, and gray obviously graysexuality

This is very faulty logic. The same colors mean different things on different flags.

The white on the ace flag means community. On the aro flag, it means non-romantic relationships. On the Colorado flag it means snow and silver.

 I’m addition, the idea that including one group excludes everyone who is not in it is bogus. Many aro people are also aplatonic, loveless, or similar. They aren’t excluded by the white stripe, they just don’t relate to that specific part.

Furthermore, many aro people do consider their sexuality to be related to their aromantic identity. The aroace flag was designed with that in mind. The aroallo label specifically relates aromanticism and allosexuality.

Non-SAM aros aren’t excluded by the inclusion of a stripe meant to represent the sexuality spectrum any more than aros who don’t feel platonic love are excluded by a stripe meant to represent that. Ditto with aromantic people not being excluded from the rainbow flag due to a single stripe meaning love.

Finally, the number of stripes contributing to the idea that aromanticism is complicated is without any kind of merit. The lesbian flag has 7 stripes. The rainbow one has 6. The progress one has 12. The American flag has 13. The sapphic flag has 3. None of that signifies or implies any amount of complexity.

While I do understand to an extent where you are coming from with some of the issues you’ve raised, they don’t hold up under further scrutiny.

I bought one at pride, but can't display it.

16 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Not every individual has to be represented by every stripe on the flag

Exactly. I phrased it poorly, but this is what I meant. I, for example, am not grayromantic. I'm not represented by that section. But I'm not about to lop off the gray stripe, just because I personally don't identify with it.

Just as there are aro people to whom sexuality is completely different than romantic orientation, there are those of us for whom it's entangled. My asexuality has a lot to do with my aromanticism. The stripe being there to represent some aros doesn't mean it's there to represent every aro. By including it, the flag represents the experiences of every aro, both those who feel their sexuality is related and those who do not.