Neon

I think it kind of depends on the intent of the creators. If they intended to keep it ambiguous from the beginning for the purpose of the story (for example, the character is meant to be mysterious, or its a fantasy world where relationships aren't the focus), then I have no problem with it.

If a story deliberately keeps it ambiguous to avoid negative press, and garner interest, then I have a problem with it.

As for Good Omens, the show was very closely based on the book(it even featured most of Terry Pratchett's footnotes), where it very much does not seem like there is a romantic relationship between Crowley and Aziraphale, so I don't mind the lack of one in the show, where it does seem to fit.

And Frozen made a choice not to focus on Elsa being in a relationship, and instead her journey to discover more about herself. Sure, they could give an indication, but I don't think its a massive deal that they don't. However, if Disney were to say explicitly that Elsa is LGBTQ+, then leave it open, then there would be a problem.

Well one, your feelings are always valid(I will fight anyone who says otherwise), and two, I agree that her response... wasn't the greatest. She may not have been trying to imply that, or she may have. Seeing as it has stuck with you for months, and based on the fact that you guys seem close enough to know the meaning behind each others words, I would hazard a guess that she meant it the way you interpreted it. On that alone, I would agree with @Autumn, especially seeing as she to is part of the LGBTQ+ community, so she would know what she would want to hear when coming out. Furthermore, the fact that she ignores your romantic orientation when it comes up doesn't sit great with me.

The fact that she gets verbally upset when you are uncomfortable with certain acts is not okay. The whole "I'm trying to be sweet and you won't let me" is very guilt-trippy. If you express to her that you are not okay with something, then she should respect that, especially if you've told her multiple times.

Additionally, if you feel like the effort and understanding is one-sided, then there is something wrong. Just because it is a friendship does not mean you shouldn't both be contributing to it equally.

In the end, you can talk to her a million times about this, and there is a fair chance that none of them will bring about the change you want. Again, you are entitled to your feelings, and if you don't feel like she respects that, then you may have to decide whether being in that friendship is worth it to you.

(I feel like this was really pushy, but I swear I don't mean it that way, all of this is just my opinion based on limited information)

To me a deep friendship is one where I would commit rather serious crimes for them, no questions asked(I haven't though). Normally, I could live with or without this, and I have experience to back it up. However, now, I am in a weird place where I want to be around my friends and also not be around anyone. Right now, I am in a few really close friendships. These all came about naturally to me, and I think that deep friendships just need time, there is no way to force it or speed it up.

So I had had classes with this one guy for 5 years. In those 5 years, we had a total of 4 actual conversations, over 1-2 months. Each time we were the last people waiting after school to be picked up. I saw this as becoming friends, he apparently did not. My friends and his friends told me one day that he was planning on asking me out. So I left school as fast as possible. He caught up to me, and told me he liked me. I panicked and made a non-committal sound, like "interesting" and immediately left. The next day, I avoided him, and his friend informed me that he thought that we were dating. I had her tell him that we very much were not. It was very awkward, and continues to be a year later.

And that was when I knew what was coming. I had been asked out on surprised multiple times before (seriously, me being a decent human being to a boy does not mean I like him), and each time I said "No!" and quickly left.

Hi! Its nice to meet you!

Pride and Prejudice was good, just not my thing. However, I would like to propose Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an exact copy of the original with zombie fight scenes added in. It also go a film adaptation, which I haven't seen.

On 8/14/2020 at 4:01 PM, Queasy_Attention said:

Ooh ooh I learned why I hate reading the trope of "character who's determined not to fall in love at the beginning of the story" and just knowing that by the end they'll have found someone ~special~ enough to make them want a relationship-- because I start off relating to the character and end up feeling completely distanced. It's infuriating!!

To this point, the characters who are like "we won't fall in love with each other for x reason" and for seemmingly no reason the unwanted relationship is a major plot point. Whenever I read/watch things like that, I tend to think "don't then, its not that hard."

On 8/14/2020 at 4:53 PM, nisse said:

a tiny gremlin in my head doesn't believe in romantic attraction. like at all. a slightly more sensible gremlin, but still a gremlin, thinks a lot of the more dramatic points of romantic love is vastly exaggerated, and people half fake, half believe it because it's so entrenched in culture. i try not to say this out loud in allo spaces because it's a little too close to invalidation for my tastes - i don't know people's inner lives anymore than they know mine. but there's still a gremlin there and honestly i kinda wish i could have philosophical convos about this with my allo friends, without them potentially becoming upset and defensive (and like, i wouldn't blame them for it if they did) (THIS READS MORE SAD THAN I MEANT IT TO LMAO).

I spent years claiming that romantic love was fake and an illusion (and hoping I wouldn't succumb to said illusion) and my peers had been brainwashed by society. And I still don't completely think that I'm wrong. I guess there must be something that qualifies as romantic attraction, but I think that most of it is a person thinking they should feel a certain way, to the point where they do feel that way. In other words, I agree with the gremlin.

For me, it varies situation to situation. In terms of someone going out with me, I would say repulsed/adverse, simply because I hate the notion. I have never had any fantasy where I am with another person in that way, in fact, I am largely solo. With other real people, I really don't care, as long as its a healthy situation. With characters I range from favorable to repulsed based on how much I relate, and how much it is focused on.

Grass Ruining Otters Underneath Never Dig Homes Over Gold

BOOKMARK

Hi! And welcome! I'm glad that you started to figure things out. ?

INFP-T (I've taken the test multiple times for school/various activities, and I get more introverted every time)

This changed for me over time. I tend to get super attached to everything, and I care a lot about my friends. In second grade my best friend moved away and I cried for months. I could live without close friends, and I have. However, if my current friends decided to abandon me for a significant other, I would get quite upset.

Hi. So I can't 100% relate, never having dated anyone, but I can give some pointers.

For me, I thought back on all of my crushes and realized that I just wanted to be friends with a person of the opposite gender, but society made me think that meant I "like-liked" them, which was untrue. I also realized that what I thought were romantic feelings were also applicable to other people and things that I loved. I'm pretty sure that you can't be romantically attached to a house for instance. I actually did the opposite as you where I went "I don't like girls so I must be straight" and just waited for the magical day I would want to date people (spoiler alert: it didn't).

I also watched a lot of videos. If you go to youtube and just look up "Am I Aromantic." That can help with not knowing anyone who can talk about it. I would also look up the different attraction types, (there can be some issues with this model though) which can help better understand your feelings towards people. Its also interesting that most people get their first real "crush" at 10 years old.

I obviously can't tell you one way or another, but I encourage you to keep researching. I hope some of this was useful to you.

Having never been in a relationship, I can't really help there, but I can give some pointers on things that worked for me:

Try playing around with labels. Try calling yourself aromantic, or arospec, or whatever else you want to start with. If it feels right, you can keep it. You can also change your label as time goes on.

Try to imagine if the feelings you saw as romantic can also be applied to your friendships or other things that you love.

What about past crushes? Can you identify wanting anything other than a platonic or FWB relationship?

Watch videos. Look up "am I aromantic". Hearing and seeing real people talk about their experiences can be very helpful.

A lot of people will say that they doubt that they are aromantic because its really hard to identify the lack of a feeling. So it can be helpful, if you find that you are on the aromantic spectrum to continue to participate in the community.

I finally officially came out to someone(technically my sister and 2 others kind of know but that was really me talking it out while questioning). And it was great, and also the response I kind of expected so.

Me: I am aromantic and asexual

Her: I think we all kind of knew that already

Me: almost everyone. Not me. (I did say that)

Anyway we talked for like an hour and I just felt so happy and full of (platonic) love for her and it was great. I don't have a squish on her but I would still spend my life with her because she is just the best. I am also apparently her #3 go to for romantic advice for some reason. I think its because I over analyze everything.

But yes. She is wonderful and I love her and would do anything to make sure that shes happy because I know she would do the same for me. And that fills me with joy. She is lovely and dramatic and I am so glad she is my friend!

Hi again (ha I don't know how to start in person conversations either)

I just wanted to say thank you to you guys for replying. Thats pretty cool. Its also neat to see people who relate to me. I don't really use social media(self-discovery is an exception), so I don't know ettiquette rules around tagging people. So I won't for now, but I wanted to reply to holbmo that I love YA fantasy and action/adventure. Thanks for asking! Also to Queasy_attention and roboticanary, hi as well! Thanks again!

Hi! Due to the fact that I am apparently unable to see things that are right in front of me, despite being nearsighted, I did not see the welcome page until now. So I'm a little late for intros... but here we go!

I might exist, which is cool. I use she/her. I love to read fiction. I do public forum debate, which I love as well. I am pretty competitive and tend to ramble about everything(note the length of this monstrosity).

I am, as far as I can tell, aromantic and asexual. I could be somewhere on the spectrum, but I don't really have a desire to enter a relationship to find out. I fairly sex repulsed, any implications make me very uncomfortable, but I am sex positive. If it's safe and consensual, do as much or as little as you want(just please don't tell me about it). I vary between romance indifferent and romance repulsed depending on the situation and how I feel. But with non-fictional people who aren't me, I am perfectly fine, and okay knowing about it.

For me, I was told by my friends that they all thought I was asexual, which was the first time I had heard the term. I strongly denied this, and insisited I was straight, and spent 3 years trying to convince myself it was in my head - I would want a relationship soon. Then I came across aromantic, and did, more or less, the same. Then there was the summer of 2020, where, with lack of distractions, I did a lot of reflecting, and ended up getting no where. So I talked to my sister in broad terms, and was told to research, something I had avoided. It was so helpful, I can't even begin to describe how much it helped. It really just affirmed what I knew about myself, something definitions alone couldn't do. It was just constant reflection of myself, and it made me feel way more sure than I do on most things.

Anyway that was a little journey into whatever my brain is. 

I don't ship any characters I even slightly relate to, but I can ship characters that I have no connection too. For example, when I watched the office, I hated all the character pairings except Dwight and Angela, who I can't connect with for the life of me. As far as I know, thats the only ship I've actually liked. Normally I vary between having to stop reading/watching(disgust), boredom, or frustration that the author ruined a perfectly good friendship to make money(I swear thats most romances in YA fiction).

Real life people is absolutly not. If a friend is in a relationship I don't get invested and try to make sure its healthy.

Emily Reo doesn't have a single love song out (with the joking exception of Charlie, which is about a cat) and that makes me so happy. Not to mention her songs are just super cool. Other than that, check out Let's Eat Grandma's stuff, especially their first album(theres some implied romance in the second, but nothing outright).

This was shortly before I knew of asexuality, and long before aromanticism:

Whenever someone would asked who I liked, or try to talk about their crush, I proceeded to explain that romantic love wasn't real, the chemical reaction in the brain was no different than with anything else you like. Therefore, they didn't have a crush, and neither did I. This eventually changed to impassionated declarations of "love is fake(and I can prove it)" 

Just to clarify, in the title I say aroace, but I'm not sure exactly where on the spectrum. EDIT: it may be relevant that I am still a teenager

Anyway, for me, me getting married was always a given. One thing that my dad says when I get hurt(and proceed to complain about how the doorway attacked me) is "it'll get better before you get married." Similar phrases abound in my parents vocabulary.

I decided when I was in elementary school I said I would never have a romantic partner(technically it was boyfriend, but I changed it when I learned about the LGBTQ+ community years later), and still I assumed that one day I would be married.

However, I feel romance repulsion whenever I am in a situation where I know or suspect someone likes me in that way. I have no desire to be married. Yet somehow, I still feel somewhat "destined" to date and marry someone, no matter how much I hate the idea. Is there a good way to help combat that feeling?